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What If I Hate Being a Mom?

What If I Hate Being a Mom?

what if you hate being a momYesterday, I spoke with a new mom who’s having a rough time. She’s at home with her 7-month-old, breastfeeding, doing all the childcare and night parenting, and feeling guilt-ridden for not being very happy. Naturally, she loves her son, she’s grateful for the opportunity to be with him, but she feels trapped, lonely, and like every other mom is having more fun. Sometimes it’s so bad she gets into the shower at the end of the day and just cries. She’s crippled by sleep deprivation, her husband works 12 hours a day, and doesn’t get how awful she feels. He gets to go to work, which is by far the easier job.

Sound familiar? 

A few years ago, when my kids were 2 and 4, I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in 10 years. He was divorced with no kids and was so genuinely excited to hear all about my family. “Wow, you’re a mom,” he said. “That’s amazing! What’s it like?” 

My response was a shock, like a bucket of ice water thrown at my face. “I don’t like it at all,” I said, with far too much honesty. 

His face fell. His jaw dropped. And I instantly knew I had made a terrible mistake. Moms aren’t allowed to feel this way, certainly not allowed to say it out loud.

I began dog-paddling backward. “Of course, I love my kids, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but…Diapers? Mopping up vomit? Bleeding nipples and breast pumps? Being awakened repeatedly through the night and at 5-6 am daily for four consecutive years?” 

No, the truth is that I like nothing about the actual job, yet I love my kids more than anything else in the world. So, I do it anyway, even if I hate it sometimes.

If you’ve ever felt this way…read on to learn more about why you feel the way you do – and how to change it.

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How Life Changes After A Baby

Having a baby is one of the biggest changes a person can face. And, in 99.9 percent of cases, it’s the woman’s life that changes the most. If you’re able to be a stay-at-home mom, your life will quickly become all about diapers, spit-up, and crying – and we’re not just talking about the baby’s regular tears. 

The situation becomes even more dire if you’re trying to maintain your career. How can a woman reasonably be expected to work eight+ hours a day and raise a happy, healthy child? You’ll spend your lunch break pumping milk, and there will never be a time when you’re not tired. Additionally, you’ll feel guilty about going to work, as if not being there 24/7 for your child will permanently mess them up.  

Trying to keep your relationship going will also become extremely difficult. How in the world can you watch a baby all day – or split your time between the baby and work – and still be expected to get excited when your partner gets home? And sex? Forget about it. That’s what got you into this situation in the first place!

Is It Normal To Hate Being A Mom?

The reality is that it’s quite normal to hate being a mom from time to time. When you decided to have a child, you gave up a huge chunk of your life. Now, it’s the baby’s life that matters most. You’ll eat last, sleep last, and just generally become last on your list of priorities. And that’s only if you’re lucky. In some cases, you’ll also have to deal with a very real mental health problem. 

Intrusive thoughts are a major issue for new mothers. These thoughts can include disturbing or violent content. For instance, you might find yourself thinking about what would happen if you walked away from your baby and never went back. You’d never actually do it, of course, but simply having the thought may make you feel like the world’s worst mom. The good news is that not only are you not a bad mom, but pretty much everyone has thoughts like this one from time to time. 

Unfortunately, you may also develop a more serious mental illness. Please keep an eye on yourself for the following warning signs: 

  • Major changes in sleeping or eating patterns. 
  • Extreme mood changes.
  • Excessive anxiety, worry, or paranoia. 
  • Withdrawing from social events. 
  • Long-lasting irritability or sadness. 

If you begin experiencing these symptoms, it’s important to speak to a professional right away. 

Not sleeping is another biggie for mothers. Everyone needs to sleep at least seven hours a night on a regular basis. When your sleep pattern gets interrupted by a screaming baby, it can mess up much more than just that day. Studies show that most parents – or at least mothers – are sleep deprived for at least the first six years of a child’s life. 

Being sleep-deprived can cause you to look ten years older. It also comes with higher blood pressure, a slower metabolism, weight gain, being more likely to catch a cold, having less mental acuity, and depression. Additionally, your odds of developing heart disease increase by 48 percent, you’ll triple your chances of getting type 2 diabetes, and you’ll become 36 percent more likely to experience colorectal cancer. In other words, sleep is critical, and you must figure out a way to get more of it before it’s too late. 

Finally, you can also suffer from depletion. According to the dictionary, this means exhausting or seriously decreasing your supply of something. In this case, it refers to your emotional and physical fatigue. This can be a serious issue, so be sure to speak to a professional if you’ve been experiencing: 

  • Intense exhaustion and fatigue. 
  • Hypervigilance. 
  • Lethargy. 
  • Memory loss. 
  • Anxiety. 
  • Difficulty concentrating. 
  • Lower sex drive. 
  • Poor immune function. 
  • Pre-existing medical conditions become worse. 

What To Do When You Don’t Like Being A Parent

Being a parent is hard, and the secret is that no one likes being one all the time. There are going to be plenty of times in your life that you will hate being a parent, and it starts the same time that motherhood begins.  

Now that you know this, it’s time to help yourself bounce back. When you have intrusive thoughts, are sleep-deprived, or are suffering from depletion, it’s important to take some time for yourself. You may be thinking, “How am I supposed to do that?” But here’s the thing: if you don’t give yourself some self-care, you’re going to burn out even more quickly. Therefore, turn off your guilty inner voice and carve out some time to take a bubble bath, read a book, or take a nap. Just doing one of these things will help you recover some of your lost energy. 

what if i hate being a mom - tweets from moms like you

Do you still feel alone? You’re not. Review the almost 300 comments on this post. Just knowing you’re not alone in your experience will most likely make you feel much better. Additionally, you can look through our helpful resources for new families for more information. 

If you find yourself struggling as a result of becoming a mother, don’t despair because there is help available. The first thing you must do is reach out to someone. Whether you choose your best friend, a doctor, or a therapist, the act of reaching out will make you feel less alone. And don’t just do it once. Instead, keep reaching out until you get the full support you need. 

In some cases, you may find yourself past your limit. That’s when it’s time to pick up the phone to get some emergency help. These calls are confidential and could make the difference between bouncing back and doing something regretful. If you need help right away, call one of the following: 

  • SAMHSA’s Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP
  • NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI
  • Mental Health America Hotline: Text MHA to 741741
  • The Samaritans: 1-212-673-3000

Ultimately, the only way to start feeling better – and to stop hating motherhood – is to reach out for some help. By talking through your feelings, you can reach a much better state of being. Be sure to use the tips above and remember: it’s okay not to love being a parent every second of the day. But if the feelings become overwhelming, there are resources available to you.  

Perhaps if we didn’t expect mothering to be the most joyous time of our lives, we wouldn’t feel so blindsided and guilt-ridden. 

The same guilt is exactly what prevents so many parents from getting the help they need to sleep train their baby. Teaching an infant to sleep on their own is no easy task – it can be exhausting, stressful, and messy, just like so many aspects of parenting. 

If you can find the confidence to ask for help from sleep training specialists like us who know babies, there’s a world of support waiting to help you get the rest you need to start feeling like yourself again.

The staff at Mommywise is here for you! We understand your baby’s signals and offer in-home guidance to sleep train your baby. Additionally, we set up young parents for success by allowing you to sleep, too! Contact us today to learn how you and your baby can finally get a good night’s sleep. 

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300 thoughts on “What If I Hate Being a Mom?

  1. Natalie

    My daughter gave me a hard time tonight when putting her down to sleep. My husband was fed up with me since my postpartum anger was getting the best of me so he went to sleep. I honestly couldn’t believe he did that instead of helping me. I clearly needed it. So as tears filled my eyes, I went to my “mom app” and search for “hate being a mom”. To my surprise, nothing popped up. I turned to google and came across your article. I’m happy I clicked on it and relieved that I am not the only one. This feeling IS normal. I really do hate being a mom. I keep trying to rush time. 9 months old now but wishing she was 10 years old. Ugh this mom guilt kills me too. She’s really a great baby. I am just exhausted and the “ground hog” day feeling is the worst. My husband works 12-16 hour days and on his 2 days off he fills them with things that need to be done around the house. He will never understand why I get angry and frustrated because he only catches a glimpse into my day. After having my daughter, it was like my pre baby life…died. She doesn’t exist anymore and I am having a hard time figuring out who I am now. Anyways, I appreciate this blog. It was exactly what I needed to read and I just might reach it for professional help. I’m thinking it’s over due.

    1. Tahnya Dorsey

      I feel the same way. I was a sergeant in the army. My ex was an alcoholic. I got out in a bad way because the army doesn’t care apparently if your kid is wandering the streets when you deploy. I lost my career. I lost my reputation. Now i have 2 more kids. A total of 5 Im screaming at them to get out of shit because i can’teven read a damn article…i want to fucking die…then you get told how lucky you are staying home because like a9 hour job is hard…f all this. Everyone wonder why your a crazy neurotic mess…

  2. Child-free

    Thank you all for being so honest. It is quite refreshing to hear the day to day truth. I am 37 years old and child-free. I have a boyfriend and have mentioned to him in passing that I do not and will not ever have children (perhaps open to adoption down the line, but honestly not even sure about that). (I don’t even believe in marriage because I see it as a deeply patriarchal institution with an appalling history of subjugating women. All I want is a good, loving partner.) There are many good reasons for my decision to be child-free, not least of which are mental health issues that have a high likelihood of being passed down. Also I’m just not a kid person, never have been, don’t exactly hate them but in all honesty I do find them really annoying (especially on planes!). I also would be beyond devastated if my body were ruined by pregnancy/ childbirth (which I know it would be), I think I would just be too bitter and depressed about that and can’t handle the thought of it.

    The reason I’m posting is because I feel like all my single girlfriends (as well as girlfriends in relationships) are reflexively obsessed with the idea of having babies. To the point that a number of my friends my age and older have already frozen their eggs. I just wonder how much of all this is due to the intense social/ family indoctrination and pressure that we all have to deal with in our society. When I have dated, I tend to tell men relatively early on, after a few dates, that I am not interested in children. Some stop seeing me, which is just fine. While others say they understand but I still think in the back of their mind they think I will change my mind (I won’t – this is a considered, thought-through decision). I currently have a boyfriend who is serious about me although it’s relatively new. I explained my perspective on this briefly, and he says he understands but then occasionally says things like “never say never” (especially now that he is about to become an uncle). I think I need to sit him down and explain just how serious I am about this and that “never means never.” I think society just expects that all women want to have children just by virtue of owning a uterus. Thank God I live in a blue state (Colorado) where access to abortion is easy (in case I ever need it; although I am very, very careful). I applaud you for being brutally honest. I wish more mothers would be honest about their experiences – both good and bad – and did not face censure from society for speaking their truth. It’s really important to speak out DESPITE the possible censure. You have a right to your voice, and fuck what other people think. This can start a movement.

    I also used to get pressure from my family but now that I’m 37 I think they gave up and just accepted this fact. Not that I have ever needed my parents’ approval. I don’t understand why mothers have to lie and say everything is great. I think if more mothers spoke out both to their single/ child-free friends as well as publicly about their real experiences, fewer women would decide to have children. It’s strange to me that so many women make this huge, life-altering decision without a second thought – without extensive research and consideration. I wish you the best of luck on your journeys and know that despite all the difficulties, you have the strength to make it through.

    I believe a large part of the problem is probably not motherhood per se, but motherhood in America today – no government free child-care/ family support policies, as just one example. This is an area where mothers could get involved in political lobbying both at the state and national levels – particularly now that we have a Democratic Congress with 102 women. This would really be a game changer. I urge you to take political action. Your voices could really make a big difference as well as make you feel more empowered. It could become a huge movement. This is the right political and social moment for it, in the wake of #MeToo. THANK YOU ALL!!!

    1. Née Née

      I’m so glad to read this and know I’m not alone! My life is Hell! I truly wish I never got married or had children. My once beautiful life has burned to the ground and I now spend my days struggling to find ways to just cope. I now function as some sort of robot that is expected to take care of everyone’s shit with no help whatsoever. My husband is an alcoholic so I get the joy of dealing with that too. My career almost immediately went downhill after starting a family as I was just expected to work at a paying job like I don’t have kids but mother like I didn’t have a paying job too! I ended up having to reduce to a part time lame job while My husband however has continued to be able to maintain his career in between his drinking while I’m stuck dealing with the screaming children and all 100% of everything in the house too! I cry almost everyday and live in the Shame of trying to hide what I actually go through. I sometimes dream that maybe I will make it to a better life at some point. But sadly I don’t think so. I see the other moms around me that are empty shells of themselves too. Stuck in bad marriages because of money, kids, no family support. The list goes on. My health has declined over the years from all the stress of dealing with the children’s demands and cleaning up urine from my husband wetting the bed due to his alcoholism. I sometime sit in shock about how a once beautiful and smart girl could end up this way, but it’s women’s lot in life once we become mothers we are firmly trapped in the second class citizen/slave role. We are lied to about what our lives will look like. And fed fairytales about marriage and children. Both of those things involve you being used by people and not having control of your own life. The happiest women I know are not married and don’t have kids. I wish I had been as smart as them and made those decisions, but you make your bed and now you lie in it. Sad lives we live 🙁 Happy to feel like I just was able to tell the truth even if it was to strangers.

  3. Tam

    I am so sad to hear all of these stories , but it also gives me comfort to know that I am not alone. As I sit on my couch deciding what alcoholic drink I will make to get through the evening after my kids get home, I googled “when you hate being a mom.” I am totally fed up! I hate everything about my life at this moment and like many of you, I wish I could press reset.

    I had a great job, advanced degrees and a loving husband when I stupidly decided to stay home with my first born. She was an “oops” baby, but I was in my mid-30s and in a great relationship so I figured it was time. I have to admit that I still resent my daughter 9 years later because she changed everything. I thought I was doing the right thing staying home but I got lots of subtle and not so subtle disrespect from everybody- friends, family, strangers- when they found out I was a stay at home mom. My self-esteem plummeted and I was so depressed that I didn’t have the energy to go back to work because I was overwhelmed by motherhood. And to make matters worse my daughter is a pain in the ass. While she can be sweet, she is also very needy, moody and oppositional. She never listens and will literally do the opposite of what you ask her to do. It is exhausting. I have another 7 year old daughter who is completely opposite from her sister and is a joy. I feel bad when I think if I only had the 7 year old, my life would be so much easier.

    My husband is helpful, but I don’t think I could ever really tell him how much I can’t stand being a mother. It feels very taboo to say that. While I knew motherhood would not be easy, I thought it would at least be rewarding. It is the least rewarding shit job on earth! I feel like I am only here to serve my kids and husband. It really sucks. While I have been back at work, it makes things worse because you are even more exhausted when you have to deal with kids. When does it end? I miss my childless days.

    1. DD

      Omg I can hear my voice, when reading your post. My daughter is my first born and pain in the ass is a kind way of describing them.

  4. me

    hey guys…It is such a relief to find this website. I feel so frustrated and guilty. I HAD the WORST weekend. I gave up drinking alcohol for good. I would have wine to relax every day….and I feel the worst ever… I hate being a mother. love her of course. M husband pushed me into motherhood and of course now because he works he doesn’t help me at all.. and still feels the right to complain I hate it all. I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do.

  5. April

    I googled the topic bc i was feeling guilty about my irritability and have found some comfort in knowing I am NOT alone. I feel like if i vent or talk about my situation then im simply “playing the victim”. Comments like that alone are pushing my desire to commit assult through the fucking roof. First I LOVE MY CHILDREN but due to feeling the weight of literally doing it alone is starting to get to me. Yes…i am single, a title i hoped would have changed by now but my choice in men seems to be far less than i shoukd tolerate let alone deserve. I was in a relationship with a guy when i was 17 and we were together for 4 years prior to our 1st and shortly after we had our second after 1 time. I was happy with one chikd bc we had split due to his life choices and my need to protect my child but our history brought a comfort and need to fulfil a desire. Surprise…its a girl. Now my children are 11 and 13 and have not heard from him or anything for years…and am convinced my pushing the child support order has resulted in him running free with owing over $60,000.00 & states away with absolutely no fucking responsibility. Only time we, or I, ear from him is when he gets drunk and decides to cry and go on and in about how amazing i am. Smh. The door is open for him to start something but never does. So…i moved to another state and again my friskiness got my pregnant yet again. This time after knowing him 2 weeks. We decided to keep it and move forward…i ignired the red flags. My history..i just wanted to feel loved by him. Blaaah. After 3 years we are blessed with twins. He has 3 boys the same age as my older 2 and i ended falling i to the slave role. Yes..no longer did i feel like a mom but a slave…a live in babysitter. If i tried to find time for me he and his mother (involving the kids as well) to remind me how awful of a human i am…hiw dare i abandon these kids…who is goonf to watch them…how dare you think about a job bc who would take care of the kids. Shit…how irresponsible of me. Now, making this infuriating story to the icing on the cake….he decides Oregon is the place to live. Mind you we live on the east coast. It has to be there. He says he has a job there with expenses paid (he does construction and carpentry work) and makes the same money here that he would this job. I beg him not to leave me with all 8 of the kids alone bc i cant handle it after having a totally ignored melt down a week before (cried screamed demanded to be heard…still ignored by ALL of them so i spent the next day cleaning washinf and playing the sub nanny role without saying 1 word the entire day…what that resukted in was “you need to stop this shit bc youre scaring everyone”…well…screaming and crying and begging and pleading for a change scared them too. Needless to say the mother fucker takes off and guess what…i had all 8 kids. I was led to believe it wouldnt be like that but thats just what it became to be. He went to Oregon and worked the “big job” and finished in 2 days. Plan was he would fly back and we would start a new life together. A fresh start…sounded cute the idea of a road trio unit i heard that i would be driving myself and the kids (6 of them) and he woukd fly 2 there. Wtf is that shit. It ended up being he eventually flew HIS 3 boys to Oregon after finding a 3 bedroom house for THEM and i am here with no income bc “i wasnt allowed to work” 5 kids that are bat shit crazy and 2 prepubescent teens, a man who goes on and on about why am i not there but doesn’t have the money to get me there and a stock pile of fucking hair dye i dont have the energy to use to cover the damn grays the stress is giving me. Im constant cleaning and have had to find the time and energy to sell used shit online to keep my head above water. I hate the way my life has turned out and feel like im fucking drowning trying to do it alone. I hear if i leave him (which bravo to me i had done last night but inly after i found he was seeking out the companionship of other women while telling me for 6 years he wants to get married…Im mad at myself but i think my resentment has turned into an intense anger, or hatred, for this man for playing my ass like he did. Chance after chance after chance for fucking nothing. Im angry all the time…frustration level is over the top. Im starting to resent my own children and that makes me sick. I care for them lately bc i have too not bc o want too. I have no time to cope with the recent derailment of my life but instead am thrust back i to my own reality in hyper drive. Few friends bc no time, no family bc they never were mu h of a family anyway. Im ashamed that after raising myaelf and being as strong and independent as i am that i am saying i cant handle this. I feel ugly. No idea where i belong. I dont feel like a woman but just a run down hag that is told if i leave him who the hell would want me. Fuck. Im thinking i need a drink. Thanks for the vent and sorry for the typos…rant fingers just a pressing away lol

  6. Liz

    Im amazed that this thread has been going longer than 2 years, this means something… I always wanted to have children, it took me over 12 years to get pregnant and I was told I was never going to get pregnant as they could find no reason my husband and I were not conceiving, I cried over not having children and now that I have I cry that I have then!!!!
    When I got pregnant of my first child I was soooo happy, after he born life was harder but was still nice, so I got pregnant again and after the second boy it all turned in to shit, twice a week when my oldest, who is 6 is at school my 2 year old is at home, they are ok away from each other but together it is living hell!! They fight, they throw things on me and on each other, don’t stop quiet at dinner time, and after dinner it is homework, brushteeth, bath and sleep time and this process can take hours, they scream, jump, throw things down the stairs, put up a fuss, a fucking nightmare.
    I always wanted to be a mum but I can’t take it anymore, it is hard to go out with them, they do not stop one minute, do not listen and if I tell them off they laught of me, their dad is very hard on them but they still do not respond well. To make it worse my husband got promoted and works non-stop so I have much less help with the kids and house work, I am just so tired, I feel I cant cope anymore.
    My entire life I wanted to have children, I also wanted to have a career, I have 2 degrees, a post grad a masters and and doing my third degree studying part time, I am also working from home, I am chasing a big contract with a tradicional educational institution at the moment and I feel I will fail as I cant cope with it all, I cant perform, it is frustrating seeing it so close and having the feeling I will not gonna reach it, it is the dream contract that I dreamed about my entire career because I am a mom and my husband’s career is more important as he makes more money I can’t dedicate the hours, my brain is fog, I am an emotional mess and am totally burnout feeling like I am a failure, a fraude at work and sometimes I even wish I could drop everything to be a stay at home mum, but when I was on maternity leave I hated every minute of it.
    The other day my husband told me in a very bad way he makes more money than me, what a fucking bastard and a fucking load of shit, I had to stop my life twice having children, had to take some time off to deal with infertility, found out I had a medical issue (endo) which was not stoping us to have children due to its location but it was causing me a lot of pain, I went to work part time after I had my first child so I took the opportunity to do my post grad, I always been very focussed and always coped, Im very determined but I reached my limit, I just can’t do it anymore
    I do not know what to do anymore, all I do is badly done, I still carrying on working but I know my clients deserve more than I am giving, I cry doing my course assessments and my grades are only pass ones and I know I could do much better, my mother helps me a bit but she is very difficult too and can be quite mean, she says I complain too much when I have everything.
    Last year I was out with my husband and my sons, we were having lunch out, it was a nightmare as the children would scream, run through the restaurant, throw things and smudge their hands on all the windows, their kids meals went everywhere apart to their mouths, then we noticed a bunch of ambulances rushing, a police car and some commotion going on, I thought it would be something as a stolen car, when my husband checked his phone he said a child had a serious accident, later that day I learnt it was a young girl and she had died, I cried a lot as I work with education and know lots of families in the area, they didn’t realise the names until much later, turn out it was no one from the area but I still feel a lot for this family as it is a tragedy loosing a child like this, going out for a nice day out and coming back home without a child , anyway despite of being sad I thought that this mother would never had to deal with the night time battle again, it is a horrible thought and I hate myself for thinking this, it still comes back to my mind sometimes during night time battle, but I hate it every night and I wish I didn’t have to battle with my children every night during diner, homework time, brushing teeth time, bath time and bed time… I just had enough, I also hate being waken by them every morning between 6 and 7am!
    I always thought I would have fun with my children and would do cool things with them, this never happens, if I sit with them to watch a movie they fight to sit on my lap, then they want me to get them water, food etc, another day the 6 year old asked to go the the library and while all the other kids were quiet playing or looking at books mine were running, getting into the lift, rushing up and down the stairs and disturbing everyone, other parents were sitting reading to their kids or reading their own books in peace and I was running after my 2 little devils. Last birthday party we went my 2 year old pushed another little kid as soon as we got there, it was all so fast that I didn’t even see, just realised when his dad start to tell him off and apologise to the other parent.
    Changing nappies is another drama and I have to chase a 2 years old full of poo and then be kicked in the face while I am changing him. When we go out they misbehave, do not listen and run away, I observe other children with their parents and they are much more settle, I keep asking myself what we are doing wrong and I can’t find an answer. At home they make a mess and my husband complains with me that there is marks in the wall, crumbes in the carpet etc.
    The teachers of my 6 year old had enough of him, he only does what he wants to do, he pretends he is not capable of doing things trying to get away with school work, Im afraid he will repeat the first year.
    Im pushing all my limits, I doing all the housework, we have a big house that takes a lot to keep clean, I try to do cook decent healthy meals, I am working and studying, my husband is working 12 + hours a day from home, we make alright money but it all goes in school fees, daycare, swimming classes, drama classes, judo classes… my husband and I never go out together and all the money we make evaporates very fast. It is definitely not the life I signed for, Im anxious, depressed, not looking after the house as I used to, not working as good and efficiently as I used to and being a shit student, my teachers deserved better, my clients should be getting more for what they pay the company and my house is getting dirty as I cant be bothered, there is almost 3 weeks that I could not be bothered going to the supermarket and doing a decent shop, I cant be bother cooking dinner and been craving crap processed food which I normally dislike, I even went back to smoke, had quit years ago, I feel very bad about myself and am very short with my family. Sometimes I wish I could walk way and disappear, so I could re-start my life in a place no one knows me. Like this people who vanish in the world and start a new life!
    I just had enough, sorry to write so much and let it all out but I had enough and don’t know what to do as I see no way out!!!

  7. Exhausted mom

    I want to kill myself being a mom. Being a mom is the biggest challenge of my life. It screws so my life. I feel so unhappy to handle the huge responsibility. I have lost all the freedom of my life. My life is stuck being a mom. I really really really wish I have never been a mom. I have struggled for the past 16 years. Even though my son is an amazing kid and I love him. But I hate the life being a mom. Really really really hate. This is not the life I want.

  8. Rae

    What a relief! I was beating myself up again. I adore my boys, 8 and 5, and I love being a mom, and I hate being a mom. The stage now is NOT EVER LISTENING or responding to any request. I signed up for Positive Parenting – paying some woman on line to tell me how to parent, but with full time work, an hour long commute each way, and trying to have some semblance of a life, I cannot make the time. Hubby works from home and gets to exercise daily. God forbid he throw a load of laundry in – that’s mine to do when I get home – Along with 90% of the shopping, cleaning, etc…. Today is my birthday, so I said I am not cleaning up the kitchen – he cooked, sorta…. but even that is still my job if I want an actual meal. Thank you all for letting me bitch and not feel alone. I went 39 years without kids – I am blessed with 2 healthy, beautiful boys, but I am old and tired!!! And now, sad for many of you, and giggling at some of the post – not due to the humor, but to the camaraderie of understanding. Thank you sisters.

  9. Lisa

    Most of the comments resonate well with me. I finally feel like I’m not alone. Thank you.
    I was a successful executive with a well paying job when my dumb ass decided to get married and start a family. Now I have 2 kids, a 3 year old and a 6 month old and I hate my life. My husband manipulated me into leaving my job, telling me that my children needed me and how important it is for me to be around to nurture them while they’re growing up. I had to sacrifice my career while he is still happily pursuing his dreams.
    There are days when I can’t even take a shower in peace because my daughter insists on following me to the bathroom, I can’t eat a hot meal, I haven’t read a book in years and naps to me are a distant memory. I haven’t done anything for myself in the last 4 years that doesn’t involve me hauling my childen from one place to another.
    My son is now sick and wakes up a couple of times throughout the night, and not once has my husband woken up to help me soothe him.
    I feel unappreciated, unloved, trapped.
    I really wish I can turn back the time and redo my life.

  10. Anonymous

    Thank you to all you women who come out openly and said exactly how and what you feel. Others think that we’re supposed to be these robots and it is actually so very hard to do all of this I work for time I go to school full-time I have 3 children and currently pregnant with my 4th and I hate every part of my life because I have no time alone to even think nor let alone breathe. I keep to myself I don’t participate in anything because I don’t have anyone to ever keep my children for me to go out with people have a normal life so I just being myself in school and reading and writing in my journal just to keep sane, while I’m writing this I’m actually crying because I’m so hurt because I feel guilty for feeling this way but I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one out there that feels this way at all so I want to thank all of you for coming out and being so honest.

    1. Anonymous

      I am so grateful for these posts. I thought I was the only one. I have been hating being a mother for a couple years now. My son is 8. His father started abusing me physically during my pregnancy. And I almost lost my so. To the state but I took him and fled to another state for years. Came back and his dad is now in prison. My father was verbally abusive growing up and very intimidating. Sometime I don’t see a point in living. I feel like my son is the only reason I stick around. And I resent him. I know that sounds terrible and he really is sweet. Sometimes I think this world is just no good for me or for him. I had two abortions I couldn’t bear to being another child into this world and the fathers were only going to cause me more grief. I don’t have sex anymore and I do not plan on dating. Everything just feels so miserable. Thank you all for your truth it really gave me strength to keep my head up because I am not alone in my struggle. Thank you sisters <3

  11. Lisa

    I agree with the author and some of the comments I read, however I feel even worse. So many of the comments read ‘I love my children, but…’ I don’t know that I even love my child. Or people say they have a few kids and they hate being a mom. Curious what in the world caused you to have more kids if you feel that way. You couldn’t pay me enough to have another child. I am a single mom with some health issues. My 3 year old son not only wakes up at 5:15/5:30 which causes me to be falling on my face exhausted and irritable because there is no one to ever let me sleep in, but he also has behavior issues. He is extremely non-compliant. He never listens or does anything when you ask him. EVER! Every single thing is a power struggle. Getting him into his room for a diaper change is a fight. Then getting him up on the table is a fight. Then letting me change him is a fight. Everything is like this every single day. I am at my wits end and cannot take it anymore. He is in behavior therapy, but it’s not helping all that much. I can’t do much fun stuff with him unless he is in an enclosed space as he has attention issues and runs a mile in every direction. I literally have no desire to be around him ever. I wanted to be a mom so badly before he was born and now I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. It’s so unfair to him I don’t know what to do. I am in a constant state of frustration when I am around him so why would I be want to be around him? I literally hate every single minute of it every day, but I’m stuck. And miserable.

  12. 1anddonemama

    I am 25 years old and I only have 1 child but my god I hate other mom’s who act like motherhood is pure bliss like they have it all together. To me it’s insanity at best. I cringe waking up in the morning, my husband works 12 hour days and sleeps the other 12… I get 0 sympathy or any kind of empathy from him. I am so sick of not being appreciated and heard when I cry myself to sleep he just snores, I get that he’s tired but I do triple the work he does and nobody sees it. Motherhood is way over rated I can’t wait to get my tubes all chopped up. I love my child more than life itself. 1 is more than enough for me. But I just hate being a mom and an unappreciated wife. Us mom’s deserve the highest of praise and the most appreciation but heaven forbid we even ask for a little alone time…how selfish…. don’t feel guilty ladies you can’t lose yourself in all this.

  13. Sandy

    Thank god I found this! What a lovely life it is trying to pretend that you are happy everyday. I live a lie. I absolutely hate being a mother and I hate being married too. My kids destroyed my marriage and now I’m trapped with my asshole husband and kids. I wish I never did either. Most days I’m crying in the bathroom and hiding from all of them. My life should have been better than this. Non stop aggravation. I just hate kids. My kids have ruined my body, my career, my mental health, my friendships. All of it. I just want the be left alone, I don’t want to be around any of them. I could have been so much more in my life.

  14. Kel

    I’m an idiot, I had three kids by 18 to a man that was not even responsible for himself, I hated pregnancy, I had no idea how to look after a baby let alone three and him. My life spiralled out of control when he left me, I broke down, feels like I’m doomed to be on auto pilot forever, my kids are 19,18 and 17 and auto pilot raising them has left them no more grown than toddlers most days, I’m still cleaning round them solving arguements and now I get to be manipulated by them to, every relationship I’ve ever tried to have was destroyed when the kids so decided to send me in to bat for them by triggering behaviours of the men I was involved with knowing full well I’d have their backs and then once I’m done defending them, they just go right back to waking over me and leaving me on the floor to dry out like discarded tissue. I just can’t see the end, I gave up even the opportunity to know who I am, I know different people have this idealised vision good bad or otherwise of me, that doesn’t phase me anymore. I just want to be selfish and throw tantrums back at them, I wanted an abortion, I didn’t get one though and it feels like I’ve never known me and I never will have the opportunity to find me either. I’ll just be on auto pilot for fucken ever, like a servant in life to three kids their dad walked in and out on until he died. Fuck motherhood and people who glow and gush and love every kick and take photos of every tiny mile stone and have perfect lives with kids that do as they are told, or have respect for them cause mine sure as fuck don’t appreciate or respect me unless I’ve got something they want or they want me to destroy something in their way on their way through life. I fucken hate this thankless job!

  15. Nichole

    Omg!! I have found my true friends!! I go through the same shit! I have 3 teenage daughters and an 8 year old son.I hate being a mom! We are a blended family. So that means many more opinions and differences to deal with on both sides of the family. I hate my life! If i could only turn back time! No one ever tells u when u get pregnant what it’s really like. If I had known, I would have never chosen this path. My girls look at me funny when I try to explain to them how much they will not want to have kids. I tried to warn them. what’s funny is they’re not going to listen to me of course and they’re going to end up in the same situation as me when they’re older.

  16. Jamie

    Being a mom is awful. I am layng in bed on a family vacation that has been just shy of hell. Next to our four year old who I finally got to fall asleep a couple hours ago. She was so bad today I was even told I should ask the dr if she is ok. Wtf, yes she is ok. But she is overwhelmingly tired and has a dad that spoils the shit out of her giving her more pop, candy and ice cream then a kid should have in an intire summer. A dad that screams at me if our daughter is upset or hurt or needs something, refuses to yell or spank her but expects me too. He is capable of doing it but nope easier to call me names and give me the look I imagine a murderer would give. It’s pretty awesome. He is gone Monday through Friday at night for work, he misses the entire evening/night portion of the day. (Bastard) I do the whole single mom thing, working full time as-well. Though it’s all on me I don’t mind being alone. It’s easier then having him home. I swear he is just that third kid I don’t need. I dread picking our 4 year old daughter up from preschool. If I am told by the damn teacher one more time she didn’t want to lay on her matt for nap time, I am literally going to burst into tears. Did I mention I also have a sixteen year old. A great sixteen year old daughter with a 3.9 gpa. She plays select softball (that I can’t afford, but continue to
    “offer-up” everything I own so she can play)….ya great kid, except to me. Nice to me maybe 10 minutes out of the week. Social media stocking is honestly just my other full time job and starts more fights then I can count daily. We just went through the first break up… after 10 months of “teen dating”. So that’s been real fun and nothing I was prepared for in an- way. Just for the two of them to get back together and make me more crazy then I thought was possible. Before I just came down to bed she said what an awful moms am, that she can’t stand me and she only has had fun on this trip when I am not around. So yep absolutely hate being a mom, most of the time. I am completely failing at it. Not to mention…I am in the WORST marriage and need a divorce, or maybe I am exaggerating that part but really I am so worn out I have zero energy and spend my days with no interest in him! It’s pretty fucking awesome. Can’t wait to wake up and take the spoild rotten brats to the water park tomorrow. (Get looks by my husband how bad I look in my bathing suit, I heard it today already. Just one if those comments that keeps you up at night googling how to lose weight while eating f’in chips) But that’s what moms do. EVERYTHING. Its awful, so so awful. So ya that’s my life. My completly real disaster of a life.

    1. Jessie

      I hear you! Hang in there woman we are all in the same hell together. There is nothing in this world I regret more than getting married and having kids. My life has gone downhill since both. I feel trapped in a nightmare and realize that there is no way out. I do my best to cope but I cannot deal with any of it. Most days I come to grips with the fact that I would be happier dead rather than be a maid and a babysitter etc..to this awful fucking family of mine. I work out of my home too so the stress never ends as I can’t get away from anyone. Constantly dealing with everyone’s bitching and moaning. I’m so depressed! Tried to do therapy and they put me on meds that didn’t work and basically told me life sucks so oh well. Women get stuck doing everything and live horrible lives for the most part. The only happy women I know are single with no kids or wealthy and can afford the help to get away from their kids and get divorced. All I know is none of this was worth it. To top it off I just turned 40 and I’m looking back on what I have done so far with sadness and devastation. I can’t take the stress, I want to run away and hide. Everything I ever dreamed for my life has disappeared. My husband is an asshole and I truly hate all children not just my own. I wish it was different but it’s not. I wish I could have a do-over. I have to go cry now. Best wishes to you. I will pray for you 🙂

  17. Virginia Jimenez

    Thank you ladies so much for this! I’m going for my tubal ligation come hell or high water. Anyone who doesn’t like it can suck their own dick.

  18. mumtominibeasts

    I love this so much, thank you for helping me feel normal! you dont know how much this means to me.
    since becoming a step mum it has literally drained me of everything i loved about motherhood! I even contemplated getting a job to do it less. I resent my husbands ex wife for burdening me with the responsibility of her choices and my husbands….
    thank from saving me from crying at this moment

  19. Nah

    Where can I start.well I thought my son was the most different crybaby in the world.omg anywhere we went cried .sports cried.parties cried.movie theater cried it never stopped and still doesn’t at6 and now when we out in public he has so much fucken attitude like if I tell him something he respondes louder and snobby.but at the house he don’t at all..

    Then now I have a daughter 1year old that’s where things changed always angry.fighting and more crying they are both different and 5years apart so you can imagine. I always here others say don’t pay more attention to one blah blah blah no it’s true you have to pay more attention to the little one of course and he’s at that age where he wants to be free and do his own thing but if I don’t keep an eye out he’s so rude mean.. I don’t like it at all not every adult has to have kids..it’s not for everyone of course no ones ready but still we need more knowledge or just be safe.. and i for dam sure would not want a kid at 30 or 40 that’s when your life should be easy and doing things ..I’m 26 and I skipped 21-26 so 5years of what my friends where doing.so I can’t wait for my son to Be a teen …goodbye

  20. Anonymous

    It’s such a relief to find this post and read these comments. I wish I had known myself a lot better before I had children. Or rather, I wished I had been taught to listen to myself. I came from a family that always taught you to stifle your real feelings and wants and needs and conform to what society thinks. For most of my childhood, I never wanted kids because I didn’t want the responsibilities. I was also forced to babysit my brother constantly and hated it because he acted just like all the complaints I hear above. But as time went on, I began to change my mind, thinking just one would be nice. I also thought that maybe my brother acted that way with me because I was the big sister and not a parent. I had such a troubled relationship with my parents, especially my abusive stepfather, that I began to wonder if it wouldn’t be nice to raise a happy kid. So, I thought, okay, just one but I had to meet the right person.

    Fast forward through several awful relationships, I met the right person, who I could honestly see having not one child with but more. Some of those flickers of the old me came along, remembering how I didn’t want too many responsibilities and I tended to like more peace and quiet. When I voiced these concerns, my husband downplayed them, and made me feel like it was wrong to have them. That if we loved each other, we should have a ton of children. I wish I had been taught to listen to myself more because I really and truly believed he was right at the time. And he was a charming, outgoing kind of guy. I actually thought, well, if it were just me, then no, I wouldn’t want a bunch of kids. But with him, I can do it. I knew that he was the kind of person who would play with them and teach them and I wouldn’t have to do all of that. I also had a big falling out with my family and felt super alone so the need to create a family was really strong.

    I really enjoyed my first born, actually. She was and still is the sweetest kid ever. I do not regret having her. And my second, while a little more fussy and messy, is also a really great girl. I don’t regret having her either. They are helpful, polite, and everyone comments on what lovely girls I have. So, luckily, that turned out well for me.

    Unfortunately, after my second daughter was born, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. And everything just sort of went downhill after that. I actually was afraid to bring any more kids in the world, at the same time, the other two had turned out well and my husband was afraid that his treatments would sterilize him. So, we decided to go ahead and try for a boy. We did get our boy and my husband’s cancer went into remission so we thought everything was good. At that point, I wanted to stop having children because now that my husband was no longer nearly as much help, everything was falling to me and I didn’t like that at all. My son was a little more difficult and just having three young kids was feeling too overwhelming to me. I started thinking again about how I had really only wanted one, at MOST, before. But my husband got upset, had this whole speech about how precious life was and he had cancer so he felt that life should be lived to the fullest. How can you resist something like that? I wish I had though. And in fact, after we had our fourth child, another boy, I decided I was NOT going to have anymore. I actually sneaked into the store and bought over the counter birth control after he was born.

    Then, my husband’s cancer came back and it never went away. He went through treatment after treatment, getting weaker and weaker, eventually had to stop working, was in and out of hospitals. I was so unbelievably stressed. I had 4 kids to deal with and never knew if each night I was going to have to send my husband off to the ER. I hated my life.

    Then, my husband had to go into hospice and I lost him soon after that. So, now I am a single mom of 4 kids. My girls still remain wonderful and they help me, especially my oldest. I am lucky in that way. But my boys are absolute terrors. I keep trying to remind myself that boys are different, especially ones that lose their dad. But I often can’t stand them. They get everyone all riled up and aggravated. They are always fighting and then they go and purposely aggravate their sisters so they start crying and fighting. I keep thinking, every single day, why didn’t I listen to myself back then and just have one? Or none at all? Why did I let myself be talked into this? I keep thinking, but I loved my husband. But I read once somewhere that “love” is nature’s trick to get you to breed. In the past, I would have thought that sounded awfully harsh but now, I’m not so sure. I feel like I temporarily lost my mind. And now that I am back to being single, I have been returned to myself and my true wants and needs and feelings. And I wish I had not lost that person because now I can’t go back and change it.

    I have always loved kids and I even write and illustrate in the children’s genre. But I would give anything sometimes to have my own life and not have to care for other people, especially after the caregiving torture I went through with my husband. I was crushed when he got sick and in tears watching him go through all that pain and suffering. But I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime focusing on others and what they want or what they think I should want. I want to spend time on ME. And after reading these comments, I’m not going to sit here and take it anymore. I take good care of them and I love them but I am not going to hesitate to put them in camp or activities or whatever it takes to get them out of my hair. I am sick and tired of cleaning up messes, breaking up fights, never getting any kind of alone time, and constant noise! I want to be one of those women who can go out any time and do anything without everything having to be completely focused on the kids. I am an introvert so I’m usually not even interested in that much social life. So for me to feel this way, it has be pretty bad. I would give anything just to have a clean house and silence. If a genie came to me right now, that would be my on my wish list. Clean house, silence and money so I could afford to stick these kids somewhere for awhile so I can be ME!!!!

  21. Lil

    I hate being a mom too! It has robbed me of my identity and I find myself sinking deeper into depression by the day. I have constant anxiety from dealing with my kids and love to not be around them. It’s just so draining. I have no freedom, I constantly cry and think of suicide. I cannot believe that this is what my life has become. I have tried therapy, anti depressants all of it. It’s just a bandaid on the real problem that Im trapped in a life I hate. I pray for the day I no longer have the take care of people. It’s awful and it never gets better. I dream of the peace I would have instead of a life of screaming children. I was so happy before I had them. Now I don’t even want to get out of bed to deal with the hell that awaits me. It’s sad really, but it’s my life. I’m never left alone and someone is always in my face, bothering me, screaming, crying, interrupting, asking, whining. I truly was not meant to have children and I shouldn’t have. Can’t go back now so I just have to Deal with the misery somehow!

  22. M.B.

    I want to just say thank you to all the women who’ve posted on this thread. I feel like you all are living my life and all your comments have assured me I’m not crazy for hating being a mom. I really wish I would have never had a child even though I do love her dearly. I have a 5 month old dealing with torticollis and flat head syndrome. It’s been hell doing exercises, physical therapy, doctors appointments…you name it. I quit my job to stay home and deal with all the medical issues. My husband has a very amazing job. Gets hour long lunches where he probably eats his warm lunch. I can’t tell you the last time I didn’t have cold food. He gets away from a screaming non compliant baby, grab beers with his buddies. Gets free massages at work. All while I’m at the house. I cannot tell you how much I hate my life. I’m the only one who makes sure she has tummy time and doing her stretches. Why are the women held to be responsible for literally everything? He has never gotten up with her in the night. I can’t even sleep or look at the baby monitor without my anxiety peaking in fear she will wake up. Other than basically her torticollis and flat head she is healthy and that is so much to be thankful for. I feel terrible not enjoying motherhood but I really don’t. I can’t get anything done at the house so my list of things to do is a mile long. That list will never get done because once the husband is home from work it’s 7 and baby goes down at 830-9 and I will go down with her so I at least get some sleep. After an exhausting long day of caring for her the last thing I want to do is laundry, cook, clean etc. It’s miserable. I honestly wish there was more education out there for women contemplating a family so they are truly aware of what they’re signing up for. Some women love being a mommy or they just lie and say they do. I wish it was more acceptable to say “No, no I don’t like being a mom. It’s hell and steals your identity.” But I’ve only told those close to me that I hate it. And when people are shocked I don’t want a second child, and that I can’t do that to my daughter that she needs a sibling, they entertain each other blah blah…I want to show them a particular finger.

    Again, thank you to all the women who’ve expressed their feelings. It’s really helpful to know you’re not alone!

  23. Jason

    A lot of crybabies on here. The original post said husband works twelve hours a day. Unless he is pushing a pencil he is probably working the skin off his fingers and worried constantly about the kids and mommy having a good life. The posters that follow just get worse. Grow up.

    1. Sasha

      Jason..How the hell is anyone on here a crybaby that “needs to grow up” when all of the women on here are doing grownup shit? We are taking the role of motherhood no matter how shit it has made our life and providing and taking care of these kids. Unlike a lot of females my age these posters aren’t dropping the kids off all week if not for months and doing whatever the hell they want. If we were we wouldn’t fucking be on here taking about how shit life is. Unless you are pushing full term babies out of your pee hole and giving up your (entire) life for them or you’re on here trying to understand these feelings people share you don’t have a say so. Find you a dad post and talk about how little responsibility most of them have and how that enables you guys a better life majority of the time. Your opinion might be valued there.

      1. Sarah

        Awesome! Well put Sasha! It’s so true! The minute women are actually honest about how awful being a mother is we are immediately bashed in one way or another. No one really cares if we are happy they just want the unpaid caregiver, maid, housekeeper to do the fucking job with a smile and shut up about it so we don’t ruin their day! Fuck kids and Fuck men! Both are life ruiners for women!

    2. Shae

      LOL. Coming from a man. I work 12 hours a day, and I’d take that over being a stay at home mother to a relentless, clingy, whiny, screaming child any day of the week. My friends who have kids all say the same – “work is a BREAK”. Enjoy your adult conversations, being able to have your lunch in peace, go to the bathroom without someone barging in, go for a walk without someone trying to cling to your legs 24/7. Get a clue!!!!

  24. Trish

    Wow, wow, wow it’s as though every person commenting has read my mind. Everything each person said is exactly how I’ve been feeling for years. Only difference is I never chose to be a “mother”, I dated a Narcissist who I didn’t know at the time what he really was/is, He ruined my life, he ruined the start of my 20’s by intentionally getting me pregnant!
    I didn’t find out until later on he had put holes in the condom. I was so angry and hurt that fucking bitch of a guy had done that to me. I’m still angry that Fucking Narcissists did this to my life. I’m left having to take care of his kid and i say his kid because she looks just like the asshole, He’s gone on with his life as if he did nothing wrong!! He’s in the military and gets to travel to beautiful places that he doesn’t fucking deserve!! He doesn’t fucking deserve anything that he has. He comes 1 time out of the year to see her and I fucking hate it!! Because it makes no sense to me to see your child 1 time out of the year but can go everywhere else whenever he feels like. I’d rather he just stay out of her life all together because he’s not doing her any favors by bringing his ass around once a year.
    I wish I could hop into a time machine and go back to that day I allowed him to come into my life and tell my 22 yr old self, to run run run in the opposite direction from that guy because he’s a Textbook Narcissist !!! I wish I would have known what he was/is, I spotted a few red flags such as he was very manipulative, but I didn’t know at the time he was a narcissist.
    I just hate the day to day mudane, domestic life that motherhood forces on me. Everyone treats me like I’m some damn robot, Like I don’t have dreams, wants and desires!!
    I was such a free adventurous spirit and now I don’t even know the Me that I once was anymore and I know this isn’t the life I was meant to live. I want so badly a awesome fresh!!

  25. Sarah

    Speaking as the grown up child of a mother who felt like this, 2 things:

    1. Your kids know. They know you hate them. And they wonder what’s wrong with them that their own mother can’t love them.

    2. Tell them. Sounds crazy but hear me out. They already know – kids feel these things intuitively. Problem is, child psychology works in such a way that they can only blame themselves for not being loved. This sets up a lifetime of misery, low self esteem, self hated, etc.

    Telling everyone exactly how you feel about you kids may be scary and uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to allow them to put down the burden of feeling defective because their own mom hates them.

    3) If you’re too chickenshit to publicly own up to your feelings even for the sake of your kids – give them up. Not kidding. You’re harming them every minute you have these feelings. Trust me, as someone who grew up with a mother like this, they will be much happier and safer with a parent who actually wants them.

    Kudos to you for speaking your truth anonymously here, but shame on you if you dint admit this to your family and/or give up your children to be properly cared for. Your fear of embarrassment at giving them up does not trump their right to have a loving mother. Please, for everyone’s sake, yours and the kids – if this is how you feel, sat so, so they can stop blaming themselves, and then do what it takes to stop emotionally, verbally, and even physically abusing them – even if that means giving them up to a loving home.

    You aren’t monsters for feeling like this, but it is monstrous, once the feelings are identified, to keep hitting your children like this.

    1. Alicia

      Oh my god! Shut up! Welcome to the real world where Mother’s are actual humans. You just perpetuate the stereotype that mothers should operate as some form of non human or they are doing something wrong. My parents made it very clear to me when I was a kid that they were in charge and found myself and my siblings annoying most of the time. Guess what? They were right! Kids are loud, obnoxious and wreak complete havoc on people’s lives. My parents didn’t need to to tell me every five minutes that I was loved or act like everything I did was sunshine and rainbows. (Welcome to reality) haha people should give up their kids because they don’t love the fucking job? Everyone would be giving up their kids! I’m pretty sure all these so called abused kids would be better off in foster care where at last I heard over 400,000 kids in the US alone reside who most likely will never get adopted. So quit acting like there are roving tribes of people just waiting to adopt them. Please! Life sucks and people are human. No one is perfect not even adoptive parents. When we grow up and take responsibility for ourselves we no longer feel the need to blame our parents for ruining our lives because they were not thrilled and elated every minute of everyday, with everything we did. Moms get sick, moms get tired, moms get busy, moms get stressed, moms get annoyed, moms cry, moms do lots and lots of things all of which are totally fine including telling their children to get lost if they are being annoying. I have 4 kids of my own who absolutely aggravate the shit out of me. If I allowed them to run around like animals people would say “What a terrible mother, no discipline!” And I put them in their place and raise my voice and tell them to knock it off people say “She is emotionally abusing them!” What a joke! Mothers have been furious with their children since time immortal or actively sent them outside so they could get a frigan break from the loudness and 800 questions but yet no one thought that was a problem back in the day. Now you can’t act angry, raise your voice, punish in any way shape of form oh and give every kid a frigan trophy so no one feels like a failure! oh and let’s not forget blame their mom because she didn’t operate as some sort of weird pleasing robot at all turns of life. Good Grief!

  26. Britt

    I’m so glad I am not the only one out there that dislikes being a mom 99% of the time. Everyone just laughs and says, “it’s okay to feel that way sometimes” and “just ask for help” and “maybe it’s PPD” (even when it’s not) We are just expected to have a child and instantly love the good, the bad and the ugly. My son was an acid reflux baby. He screamed from 7am to 7pm and then slept good at night (thank god) but I couldn’t because I would wake up at every cop and cough and sigh, so even though he slept, I didn’t. He did take some medicine and things became okay enough where I was only breaking down 10 times a day instead of 20. I was also in severe pain as well due to nerve damage during the birth. I had horrific tearing vaginally and rectally and I haven’t been the same since. Sex hurts, my back constantly hurts and I have pain in my hips and lower abdomen all the time. I’ve seen every specialist you can think of, had several procedures and surgeries, including a total hysterectomy due to my issues, not that you could PAY ME to have another baby. I am one and SO done. Anyhow…I love my son more than anything, but I hate being a mom. He’s two now and aside from the few, very few good moments I look back on and smile at, literally 99% of it is just guilt and hell and losing yourself and being tired and angry and depressed and contemplating if committing yourself would actually be a good thing…because sitting in a paycheck ward for a month would be a welcome break from the hell that is being a mom. BUT, you know if you end up doing that, you will literally sit in the psych ward and worry about the child until you’re sick because you have that awful GUILT that controls your life and every breath you take…it’s fucking… maddening. If I didn’t know my son and could turn back time and not remember a thing but keep the knowledge of the truth about how much being a mom sucks…I would do it. My son is well cared for in every way but I feel like I am drowning and I only exist now to make sure he exists with everything he needs. I am currently recovering still from my hysterectomy and sometimes I wonder why I’m even still here and still trying to be a good mom. 🙁

  27. Alisha

    I fucking hate being a mom. My husband is phenomenal and helps me a lot, but I feel like he is “helping” me do my job, not making it his job too. I really can’t complain though. Like I said, he is phenomenal and he takes over when he knows I’ve reached my limit, and helps out at other times. He can’t seem to understand why I hate it so much. He actually wants another child! The one that we have makes me cry lol! I miss my life before baby so much. I tell people that my baby is difficult. The more thought I give this the more I realize he is a baby. He is supposed to act that way. The problem isn’t him. It’s me. I was not meant to be a mom. I’m not the mommin’ material. I feel like I try… I try so hard… and then I wonder what’s wrong with me with there are people out there that suck at life and can seem to manage a whole household of screaming kids. I feel like I am superior in a lot of ways. I am smart, intelligent, understanding, and yet those other people are somehow fantastic, happy moms and I am here sulking, wishing my life were different. I know I sound arrogant and pretentious, but maybe I am. I just wish I knew the secret to being happy with being a mom. I don’t have a single moment to myself, every task is ten times more difficult because he wants to be up by butt 24/7. He whines and whines and whines… and here I am whining and whining and whining. He must get it honest… I need help.

  28. Bea

    Motherhood is a prison. I have watched my life go down in flames since having kids. I have had to sacrifice everything in my life and for what? A life of drudgery and slavery! I can’t even cope with the endless feelings of loneliness and depression. My husband has turned out the same way. I just long for 8 seconds of some quite time and honestly if I could go back and never do it I would. The amount of stress kids cause me is unbearable. I can’t even be around them without having a nervous breakdown, they are loud, annoying and destructive. Sometimes I sit in the driveway lock myself in my car and just cry. My doctor offered anti depressants, they didn’t work and gave me a ton of side effects that made things worse. I remember the beautiful fun girl I used to be and I mourn her. You don’t get to press rewind in this life. I Have made huge mistakes for my life and now I get to live with all of them. Screaming kids, a miserable husband, me being miserable. The dream didn’t happen for me, I only got the nightmare. I just make the best of a Bad show now.

  29. Shannon

    I totally relate to some of the comments. But when I see people on here saying that they hate being a mom, yet have 3 or 4 kids, you are ridiculous. I feel so sad for your kids that you didn’t stop at one.

  30. Alicia

    Honestly, F*** MEN. I work 4 days a week, my husband is a engineer for cal fire so he’s only home every so often… When his ass tries to give me any smack when he home, HA, I just leave. “Imma go get a margarita with my girls I might be back tonight, who knows and you can see what I’ve been up to, BYE.” Keep your men humble ladies. You’re the true warriors. They don’t know jack. We are more powerful than them. Moms don’t need to do any house chores if you think about it. Leave all that for your trash husband. We are too pretty to work, clean and raise these asshole kids. Let no one disrespect you, especially the mouths you feed. You are your families rock, let them know if the rock falls they all fall.

  31. Fed up

    I hate being a fucking mother! I always thought growing up I would have 2 or 3. I have one now and I cant fucking stand the thought of more little ones here. She whines, she manipulates her grandparents, shes constantly complaining and screaming. I am at my wits end! I love her, I tell her all the time, I cook, I clean, I have NO life, and yet she continues to act like a spoiled little brat. Nobody has a clue what I went through with this pregnancy. I fought so hard for her to be healthy and happy and my life has seriously turned from a happy go lucky person to an agitated depression. Sometimes j dont even want to get out of bed but I do and try to put on a happy face. I wish on EVERYTHING I haD decided not to have children.

  32. WHY

    I’m so glad I found this. I never wanted kids because I hated my childhood and my mother’s decisions. I got pregnant while on antibiotics. I hate living most of the time. I look forward to nothing other than going to sleep as early as possible or binge watching Netflix so I can drown myself in something different other than my life. Mothers day is this Sunday. I don’t want anything and I don’t want want to celebrate. My son is 6 and I left his abusive father almost 3yrs ago. He says he wants to keep him 50/50 but that’s to stop his petty $80 a week in child support. I try to give him extra time so I can get a breather and he never takes it. He keeps him every other weekend so that leaves 4 days out of the entire month for me to have me time right? WRONG 4days to catch up on shit. My social life…friends? A boyfriend? Relationships? Fun? Peace? Happiness? What the hell is that???? I’m so fucking alone. I live in a poor county and I’ve been trying to get jobs out town so I can move away, but I’m just stuck taking a job that is beneath me because I’m on my child’s schedule. Fuck this. I’m always in a rush. Always out of time. I’m trapped. I’m irritable or depresses all of the time. I’m so damn tire of people telling me to smile because I’m too pretty to look like I do. Tired of people telling me I should be happy because I woke up this morning when I wasn’t happy when I did. I tried talking to my mother but she never kept my sister and I so she has no clue what it’s like to live, eat, and breath your kid and never do anything for you because you can’t. She told me it wasn’t good that I say I need a break or that a kid is like an ankle weight so I needed to talk to a therapist. No fucking help me….. I’ve been single for three years and I’m 31yrs old and I’m attractive. How can I meet a man?..what do I say..Hey, I can only see you 4days the month ? I don’t want to bring new people around my child until I know them and talking on the phone is a good way to never know who someone is. I have snapped at people for asking me to go out and do things with them because I’m angry I can never go to the point where no one ever asks anymore..not like I could go if they did. I have no adult interaction other than the dumb asses at work that all focus on cheating on their SO and my bullshit mother. I love my son. I hate being a mother. I hate being alone. I’m tired of living. Is there a pill for that?

  33. Leanne

    So here is the issue! Everything is worse with kids. Car rides, eating at a restaurant, waking up in the morning, vacations. All of it is horrible! You will have no peace whatsoever. My husband and I started out with a whole family around us pretending they would offer us some help. Well once the kids arrived the truth about how they felt about children came out too. The grandmothers were still bitter about raising their own kids so we’re not interested in babysitting or even lending a hand at all, as they were happy to be free. And the grandfathers are just as useless and lazy as they always were when they had their own kids. The aunts and uncles of course made the same choices as us and are burnt out on their own children, they sure as hell don’t ever want to help with ours. All the parents I run into look washed up and bitter and hate being around their kids. And it’s a fucking fortune to hire help! That leaves the sacrifice on my plate of course as the designated childcare provider. I try my hardest to be a good mother, but I find myself physically shaking within a half hour of waking up in the morning. The stress and whining, crying, screaming. It is just so awful. I miss my freedom. I miss the peace I use to feel. I just miss my life. I used to like kids before I had my own. Now I run as far away from them as I can truly get. My kids live charmed lives. Beautiful home, Expensive schools, talented and given all the opportunity you could imagine. People tell me that I inspire them to have children as we look like we have it all! The truth is far from the pretty picture people see. The only think that gives me comfort is knowing that I’m not the only one. Other people live these lies too, because this is what you have to do. I remember as a kid that a friend of mine had a mother that just ran away one day. The whole town was talking about how she was a horrible person and a bad mother. She did come back. I realize now that the poor woman just needed a break. The truth is your supposed to operate as a fucking robot after having kids and never complain about the fact that your entire life is fucked up now and maybe just maybe kids are annoying and you don’t feel the need to be around them every second. I wish peace for all of you moms out there. You are not alone, you are not crazy, you are speaking your truth. You are amazing, strong and deserve to be happy. I hope you get there someday to that place 🙂

  34. Hanny

    I just want to say a big thank you to all the mothers who have been brave enough to come here and tell their truths. I’m mid-30’s so I’ve been struggling with the decision about whether or not to have kids while I still can, and it has been so helpful to read about your experiences and the reality of what parenthood can feel like. This is a truth too many people are afraid to say and so society creates this myth that motherhood is the only way for a woman to feel fulfilled which is NOT TRUE. Whenever my hormones start making me think maybe I want a baby, I come back here and read this page to remind me that it isn’t all rainbows and kittens and sunshine. I hope you know that you sharing here does affect people and it has helped me and made me more comfortable with remaining childfree. Best of luck to you all and thank you again!

  35. Hate Hate Hate it!

    Motherhood is a giant lie! I pray for the day I get freedom and that’s if I don’t die first. The depression, isolation and the constant badgering from kids and husband is enough to kill anyone. I’m bitter and stressed out 24/7 and I honestly would go back in a heartbeat and never get married or have kids. Why does society frame this life like it is great and will bring you fulfillment? I will tell you! Because someone has to do the slave labor and that job falls on the woman. Unless the woman has money than she can hire another Woman to help her with the shitty job. I have spent the last decade being a glorified maid/babysitter and let me tell you! I’m fucking miserable! I hate the mess, I hate the whining, I hate the constant supervision, the laundry, the food shopping, the doctors appts, the dentist appts, the school emails & Projects, the diaper changing, the feeding, the constant holding, being woken up in the middle of the night with a puking kid. I truly wish everyone would just fuck off and get away from me. The house is filthy, they are disgusting and constantly need something. It is truly the worst life ever and I’m happy to tell anyone willing to listen. Go to school get a nice job, travel the world or whatever it is you want to do. Live your fucking dream! If you make the mistake of having kids that DREAM will DIE! And all you will be left with is memories of a previous life you lived outside of a cage, when you had energy and could take care of yourself and had hope about your future. I would turn back in a fucking minute if I could. I would be in Europe somewhere in a beautiful outfit drinking a glass of Wine in complete fucking silence doing whatever the fuck I want!!!!!! Peace

  36. Ashley

    I hate it too. Why do women make it look like it’s better than what it really is? I think it is just a trap to drag happy women into the bs. I have three kids. 8, 4, and 1. It’s a living nightmare. My 4 year old is a pain in the ass. She cries for EVERYTHING. They fight constantly. I think I may be losing my hearing as well as my mind. My body has gone to shit and I haven’t had sex in two years. My husband must be cheating on me. I am depressed and when I try to find joy I little things I buy for myself they somehow manage to ruin that too. They won’t get out the car in the mornings when I drop them off at school. It is so embarrassing. My house is ALWAYS a mess no matter what I do and I never get a break. Husband makes sure he stays working so he doesn’t have to come home. They never just sit and watch TV or read like I did as a child. I love them, but I don’t know how to be happy with them in my life. Some days I want to just run away. I know women that have and I used to judge them, but now I know why. I am so happy I am not alone in this. Thanks.

  37. Dee

    I feel for everyone! I am a first time mother. And I don’t have family to help. My boyfriend will complain that he works all the time and he’s tired but doing a load of laundry everyday and taking care of the kid that literally gets into everything and I closed half the house, my house is destroyed literally. We just moved twice in 6 months and when we moved here every single pipe busted and trying to live in a damn construction zone while raising a child is making break! I have literally no kitchen or dining room. No cabinets no floors not even a sink! I have to wash a sippy cup in the bathroom sink. I have a kid that literally constantly cries and I can’t deal with the kid constantly trying to walk on nails and crying that I won’t let her play in a construction zone. I’m exhausted have zero to little help! My boyfriend will help but not much. And when I tell him I’m desperate for a date night and desperate to get away for a weekend from my child. He says I’m a bad mother for thinking that. I’m literally to the point of wanting to run away but that would make me a bad mother. I love my daughter to death and alot I would change or waited a few years but too much has happened at the wrong time with her. My father passed away a few years ago and 3 moths after his death. I’m pregnant. I failed school because my dad died during finals. When she was born it was a few days after the death anniversary. I had major post partum depression and never got to grieve. And I feel like I still have post partum depression. I did get help and my boyfriend always said I’m crazy that’s why I need a shrink. He doesn’t help much emotionally. But having a kid that has literally have been crying since birth is like nails on a chalk board. I hate crying I hate hearing it I hate seeing it. Always have and always will. She has only gotten worse. I love her but I’m desperate for a break and no one understands. (As gross as this sounds) i literally take a shower a few times aweek. My bf will watch her for 2 min and their is my kid in the bathroom trying to eat bleach. And again my bf is no where to found. And i try to shower when shes asleep but no naps and going to bed every night at 10 pm im too tired to shower. Plus i never leave the house so im not dirty. Lol. And now I can’t ever get a break since I moved 2000 miles away from everyone I knew. And can’t afford a baby sitter. I live in the middle of no where with the biggest major hwy in front of my house and can’t take my kid outside because everytime without fail she runs straight to the street. I have 3 acres and the only place she will run towards literally. And it’s been raining constantly so can’t go anywhere. I wish I did wait. I love her and wouldn’t change it. But my life is a complete freaking mess. 23 years old and having no life sucks. Love my kid. But i need a break! And I agree with any mother that wants a break and you deserve it as much as I do!!! So don’t feel bad for the mother’s out there!

  38. Totally fed up

    I’m so glad I found these posts to know I’m not alone. I’m a single mum to two under 4 and it’s painful. I never wanted kids but I fell in love and had two. I was naive in believing it would be great. Then the stupid father left us to it and I realised it was not so great being a mother at all. Constant whinging, constant moaning, sick, pee, poo, constant mess, no time to myself, can’t go anywhere or look after myself. None of my basic human needs are met anymore.
    I literally believe I died when I became a mother, now there is a new person in place. A miserable, impatient empty shell of who I used to be. I love my kids to bits but being a mother is not all joy and rainbows liked women are told.
    I just want to run away over 90% of the time, but I could never leave them.
    I’m actually jealous of people who still have their life to live as they please. Go out and do what they want when they want. I want to be able to do that again.

  39. Jane

    Thank you for starting this post and for people being so honest. I love my children, planned to have them and wouldn’t want to be without them. But I never thought my life would be so meaningless and sad once I had kids. They come first and I want them to but I don’t come anywhere. I’ve lost my career which I loved, my friends, my body, my fitness, my sanity and any sense of who I was previously. My husband is wonderful and does what he can but he has his job, career, friends etc so he’s still holding on to his life. I’ve lost mine entirely. I feel like I’m just here to bring them up and then die. I feel depressed, bitter and lonely and am tired of an endless backdrop of crying, screaming, whining and fighting. I feel guilty for feeling this way and not able to speak freely about how low being stuck at home makes me feel. I am very grateful for my beautiful children and love them more than life but I know I’d be a better mother if I had just a small piece of ‘me’ back. Thank you giving me the place to say this.

  40. Bella

    I hate everything about motherhood, i felt like i am trap, im a stay home mom to a 2 year old boy and his tantrums, i can’t handle it anymore i’m always, grumpy, sad, lonely and i cry every fucking night i just wish i never had him.

  41. B

    I’m currently locked in my room listening to my 8 year old cry about cleaning her room. I’m crying because I’m completely fucking fed up! My kids are 8 and 6 and all they do is fight and complain and beg for shit. All fucking day! They are both in school but I spend my days cleaning up, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and preparing meals. As soon as they get home they start messing up the house, they need a snack, then I have to fight them to do homework. Once homework is done, the bullshit fighting and arguing starts. Before you know it, time to start dinner and get them to bed. I have to fight them to brush their teeth and then fight them to go to bed. Sad thing is my husband is Home abc doesn’t make anything better. He’s like a third kid. He’s lazy and nasty and sits on his ass high all day. He’s stupid and he makes me just as sick as the kids do. I actually resent him more because he could make things a lot less stressful but instead he does the bare minimum. He gets disability and a pension so he doesn’t work. His disability is supposedly ptsd but he does NOTHING to treat it. He hasn’t worked in about 6 years and he sits around and talks to his punk ass friends all day on the phone and gets high and his duties consist of vacuuming, sweeping the kitchen and taking the trash out. Of course he’s not consistent with it and he half asses it liked everything else he’s involved in. I on the other hand CONSISTENTLY cool, do ALL the grocery shopping, schedule ALL the appointments, clean all 3 bathrooms, do ALL the laundry, pay all the bills, budget the finances, plan any events/trips/dates when we have them. I pretty much do everything. I even have to keep up with the oil changes for the car. I’m miserable and NEVER ever get alone time. Like I literally have had one night alone in my home since I lived here for 2 years. I fantasize about running away and starting over. I’m so tired of living this way. I often feel guilty about feeling like this toward my family, but I can’t help the way I feel. I do love them but it’s tough being a wife and mother.

  42. G

    I despise being a mother. It is the worst! I think of suicide daily. I can’t do anything anymore. I’m a constant babysitter to ungrateful brats. My marriage has been destroyed by adding children. I now understand why my mother is such a miserable bitter person. I have felt nothing but trapped since having kids. All my freedom gone and all my dreams OVER! If I could go back I would in a heartbeat, I dread waking up each day to my prison of screaming children. Honestly I HATE KIDS and can’t wait till they grow up and get away from me. The minute I hear one of their mouths I immediately develop anxiety and want to die. My husband and I live as roommates as there was no time or support to keep our relationship alive with the horrible children’s constant fighting and annoying behavior. I now understand why people become alcholics and or pop pills as it Is a means to cope with the misery. I never had anxiety or depression issues ever in my life until I made the mistake of having kids. Now I can’t even function. Hundreds of hours of unpaid free labor working 24/7 and that is just the work with my kids. My paying job sucks as I have had to take career paths that have to accommodate my babysitting duties to the kids. My husband takes extra shifts at work just so he won’t have to come home to them and the horror which leaves me alone all the time to deal with the fighting, mess, disrespect and general hostility. GREAT! If your reading and you dont have kids. Take my advice and don’t do it! You will live with constant regret like I do. If you don’t believe me just go to a kids theme park and watch the little brats act disrespectful and crying and their parents who are stressed out and yelling and miserable. That will be your life EVERYDAY!

  43. Jayla

    I hate being a mom…i feel trapped..ive always been use to working good hours..now with my daughter..im constantly missing days from work..either shes sick,babysitter cant work or the weather.i love my daughter soo much but..i feel like im in prison.ive sacrifice so much 4 her…all 4 nothing ( so it seems)im so stressed..i look older than i really am..i have absolutly no life what so ever..just work ,pick her up from babysitter,go home to do more work..

  44. CS

    Glad to have found this post, only to know I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

    I keep trying to give my kids a good life, I start out at 6am with good intentions, but by 8am every day I am stressed out and shaking. My son is 8 and my daughter is 3. My son is impossible to get ready for school – he just doesn’t listen at all. I’ve tried everything – The Nanny, SuperNanny, all the books, ADD testing, magnets, chore charts, rewards, positive praise, natural consequences… It’s not just school – today he was supposed to go to a fun winter day camp with a friend, and it was the same battles just to get dressed – still had to get breakfast, teeth brushed etc – and I was already running behind and stressing out because once again we were going to be late. And for something that’s a privilege. He melted down at Christmas because Santa brought him “crap” presents (his friend got something he thought was better). We have deliberately tried not to spoil him; to teach him to earn rewards and to work hard (not that hard, he has 5-6 jobs to do, like feed the dog and empty the garbage, on his days off school). He has an Xbox but only 30 minutes at a time and we try to make him earn the time (get jobs done first). We take them on vacations. We also try to show them simple things in life. We limit sugar. We eat balanced meals. We do treats and nice things but all in balance.

    My 3 year old is starting to follow suit. Back chat, stomping, being bossy/mean to others. They get reprimanded / punished for this but they press on.

    They are both lovely kids when they’re not acting like brats – which unfortunately for my son is about 80/20 on the brat side lately and my daughter is about 20/80 leaning still on the lovely side.

    I am not a lazy parent. I spend time with them. We bake, we play, we go to the park or play in the snow.

    I can’t figure out how I’ve got it all so wrong. I have him in therapy (only 5 sessions in), and I am in therapy as this has all brought me to my knees. I am full of anxiety and anger lately – but I’ve not always been like this.

    My husband is on the scene. We have had ups & downs since becoming parents (he started by being focused on work and “helping” WHEN I ASK FOR IT – and now we are on a schedule where he is starting to take responsibility for them – but we still have a ways to go. For example I said the only thing I was hoping for Christmas was a night alone in a hotel. I’ve asked for 3 years and he still laughs like it’s a joke, even when I say I’m not joking. So I got a pair of Swarovski earrings, an expensive candle and expensive lotions. All wonderful gifts and I’m not snubbing them, but just SO desperate for a night alone, I could cry.

    I’m a good person. I try so hard. Gave up my career (willingly) to be MORE for them. When I found family was going to be useless, I went out and found help (cleaners, babysitters). I don’t know what else I can do, it all is still going so wrong.

    I hate motherhood. No matter how hard I try, these kids are still battling me for no apparent reason. Only for trying to give them a good life. F**k it, I give up! 🙁

  45. SueRina

    Yep me too. I have a 6 year old daughter and a 10 month old son and I feel so burnt out and lackluster, just trying to hold on. with my 6 year old I had as a single mom, had help of my grandmother and daughters father so that helped. But now grandmother is out of country visiting with her family and current husband, father of my son, the 10 month old, does nothing unless I specifically ask him. He does work 7 days a week. Thankfully we are dual income and I can also contribute 50% to our bills and the kids, we are healthy but oh my gosh, I am tired. The husband might also load the dishwasher once or twice a week and will of course take out the trash because we have to take it personally to the recycling garbage center. But that’s it. I feel like I have to bear the brunt of taking care of this family and our things. Ugh I am so burnt out. I do not have friends nor family to help. Just gotta keep it together. And plan on joining gym and taking my son there when he is able to walk better while my daughter is in school, to help de-stress. Wow, parenting is NOT for the weak! May God help us. And I especially am tired of the constant mess in the house and feeling like I just cant keep up wi th it all. 🙁

  46. Alyssa

    Oh I also had no idea how much your family will now want to stick their nose in your life all the time. I hate my family, we have a strained relationship but it’s not a complete mess so we are in touch. But now that I have a baby, my emotionally manipulative mom thinks she’s going to see my daughter all the time. NO CHANCE IN HELL ID HAVE HAD A CHILD IF I KNEW MY MOM WOULD THINK ALL WAS FORGIVEN AND THAT WAS GONNA BE SUPER GRANDMA. No fucking way. I already told her that once a month was the max I could have her around and she cried and hung up on me. Doesn’t matter, still not happening. But now I have to worry about my mom poisoning my daughter with lies about me like she did with my sisters growing up. I may end up having to move to keep my mother away. I really have given up my mental health by having a child and it’s so so depressing and awful. I see my friends who are childfree and am so jealous, and I’m not young at all – 36. I always saw myself living in a nice condo with two cats. No husband, nothing. My friends who are just married and living it up at age 40 and beyond seem so happy. That should have been me:(

  47. Alyssa

    Ellie you are my idol. I love reading the comments on this post as time goes on because more and more keep coming!!! Because so many ppl hate this shit. And yeah, it’s shit. I have a one year old and she’s actually kind of easy to take care of in a way (as in, I no longer have to hold her for EVERY nap and have her gnaw at my boob all night, but still a million times harder than life before) but I had a horrific time with her as an infant and I still have gut wrenching “post partum depression” which I put in quotes because it’s really just terrible regret over what I willingly did to my life. I just can’t stand that my whole life revolves around a child. I don’t even like children and I always knew I didn’t want one. But I had a bad childhood and after years of therapy I was doing really well and I fooled myself into thinking that not wanting kids was the unhealthy side of me and that I was a changed person. WRONG. I just didn’t want kids and let myself be convinced that having one would be good for me. So so stupid. Every day I wonder what the hell I was thinking and how I sat there for nine months letting this baby grow inside of me and didn’t think to stop it. Well I do love my daughter, and I feel very fearful that I will end up giving her a bad childhood just as I had. But I just resent the way my life changed and I hate kid shit!!! I hate the park, the zoo, the library (at least when kids accompany me). I love to read but I do not need to be stuck in a boring ass library all day so my child can interact with others and stuff. I had a really happy marriage and my husband is still great but things aren’t the same because he knows how depressed I am and feels like he’s lost me and I feel like if only he didn’t want kids we would have never done it. He wanted ten, I wanted zero, so we settled that one would be easy enough and good for us. No. Even one child is a nightmare. We’re all trapped. I’ve read some posts from ppl with only children who find it annoying when ppl ask when the next kid is coming. Well I don’t find it annoying at all cause id rather drop dead than have another kid so basically I just laugh in the face of anyone who asks me that question. It makes me feel good to enthusiastically shut that question down. I’m glad I realized I hate it before having another child but I do wish I had realized it in time to have an abortion. My poor daughter, I feel awful saying that, but this life is not for me. But anyway I guess I’m going to have to implement some of Ellie’s suggestions because otherwise I’m gonna lose my mind.

    1. 659

      Oh no be glad you didn’t have an abortion because then you’d feel guilty and stuck on the “what if’s”. Either way it’s a lose lose.

  48. Ab

    I’m 21 weeks pregnant and terrified that i’ll hate being a mum. I helped raise my nephew as my sister is epileptic and was very unwell after her son was born. I love every bit of being an auntie but i’m worried it wont be the same being a mum. I’m already worried about the implications on my career, lack of maternity pay (and being able to afford the mortgage!), lack of sleep and energy. Sounds a bit dramatic, but after the intial ‘Yay! I’m pregnant’ excitement I’ve just been feeling like i’m trapped. I cant face reading all the pregnancy books – i find them so overwhelming. Even looking online for baby essentials feels like a task. I’m terrified that I’ll hate being a mum because i feel so awful right now. Its wonderful when i feel the baby kick or move, but I cant help but feel worried about the future.

  49. Jen

    I have a daughter in her middle 20’s who I hate. She’s selfish and I feel just like a servant. I have said some horrible things recently to her and want her to move out. I want my life back without her calling and stating her demands for food at a certain time. I think she is a selfish self centred person. I feel guilty for saying what I did, but I feel real hatred for her, I think I have always hated her. I believe I am a selfish person, but I’m sixty now and want some time for me. My heart sinks when she comes home and I’m relieved when she goes to work or to the boyfriend’s for a few days. I feel I’ve just had enough of being a servant to her and feeling used. I feel I should not have had children and realise I’m a selfish person myself

  50. Ellie

    This is going to be a long comment but I recognize myself in every one of them and Im just going to tell you how my life got better. I used to despise motherhood, from the moment of conception onward. I was violently ill my entire pregnancy. I literally vomited in the emergency room parking lot the day I gave birth. Super easy and quick labor but I felt less than nothing when the nurse gave her to me. She started breast feeding first thing in the hospital, slept the entire time there. She was a “good” baby but as far as I was concerned emotionally she might as well have been a stray dog. She couldn’t sleep through the night at first because I had to feed her twice at night and my husband worked early hours so I had to be the one to stay up. We agreed on exclusive breastfeeding and while I could pump way more than enough milk, she would not drink out of any of the 3 dozen bottles we tried so no help with meal times, he was gone from 6am – 5pm or so and dead tired and just wanted to eat and sleep when he got back but he did his best to be a good dad in my opinion. I would lose my mind and scream and shout at my husband just for existing because I was so sleep deprived, tired, sick, lonely and miserable. We fought at least once a day, not about the baby, but thats where the stress came from. Pre-baby we were the happiest couple that ever existed, everything from dinner to walks was nonstop laughter, we had more sex and more vacations than anyone else I can remember. DEAD FUCKING STOP to all of that from the second we brought her home. Turns out she was allergic to dairy, so cheese loving me had to give up all things delicious for her. Lord if I had only knew that was just the beginning of never ending sacrifice. She would start kicking and screaming the minute she was set down in a cot. We had to walk or wear her for even a minutes piece. I would hear phantom cries anytime I went out alone (rarely if ever). I had a bad childhood and was petrified to leave her with anyone else, even my husband. irrational fear but I couldnt shake it. A few times I let my very best friend watch her, but only when she offered and I paid her because I felt so guilty. I had no family in the area (military family). Running on no sleep and very little food my life really fell apart. Between the collic, diaper changes, bath time, tummy time and everything else I could hardly tell the days apart. Once when she was 3 months I put her, screaming and kicking, in her crib, closed her bedroom door, left my house, locked the door and went and sat down on a bench at the end of the street trying to decide if it would be worth the shame, jail time, and divorce to just walk away and pretend I never had a family. I debated the pros and cons of running out into traffic and killing myself so my husband daughter would not feel abandoned. Then I went back inside, to a sleeping infant, and pretended it never happened. When she was a toddler I went back to school online so was a little more happy and confident but she was a demon. A literal demon. Destructive, whiny little runt who cried at EVERYTHING. I did my best to be a good mom but honestly there were entire days I never said a word to her because I just couldn’t. Id feed, diaper, bathe, walk and entertain her but I couldn’t muster up the falsity to coo at the creature that ruined my life and marriage and I cant stand baby nonsense anyhow. I would take her to classes and ran a daycare out of my house just so she would have other kids and people around to pay attention to her so I wouldnt feel like a monster for ignoring her most of the day. She was a monster at three years old as well, a bright gorgeous ( I mean strangers come up to us in the mall, school, when we’re out eating to tell us shes the most beautiful little girl they’ve seen) but a cry baby, a brat, difficult to sleep, defiant terror most of the time. Shes just strong willed and stubborn by nature but some of this was my fault. My mother never once said she loved me or any of my six sisters, not once the entire time I was growing up. She beat the crap out of me and my sisters, some far worse than I because by the time I was 10 CPS had stepped in twice. My dad was a good, fun dad but a shitty, inattentive, never home, philandering husband and we took the brunt of her hatred for him. I refuse to hit my daughter because of all of the trauma and violence in my home as a kid. I’ve slipped and I’ve apologized and drowned in guilt but I never learned how to parent without whipping, striking, beating and threats of violence so every time my daughter did naughty things I was at a complete loss on how to stop it, I refused to hit her but hat the hell do you do? Yelling, time outs we tried all kinds of things. I’m a night owl I stay up until 4 am everyday, wake up 10am and start my work, just how my body works, I’ve tried to change but if I don’t set any alarms or look at the clock this my natural sleeping rhythm. So I would put her to bed late so I could catch a little extra sleep and shed be cranky and miserable or I would put her to bed early, she’d wake up at 6 am and I’d be cranky and miserable. She was a really picky eater after two years old and I’d be cleaning up messes all day long at the dinner table from flicked or thrown food, her playing in it, trying to eat dinner while chasing her around to get her to eat something, giving in and letting her only have toast or nonsense for meals, which led to her trying to get away with even more. Couldn’t go to stores anymore because running away form me became her Olympic sport and shed cry and beg for things even though we always said no, making us look like we spoiled her and embarrassing me to no end. Getting into moronic shouting matches with an illogical little dictator which just stressed me out and didn’t help her or my husband. At some point I just said I’m not going to abandon her, at this point I only stayed out of guilt and I couldnt bear leaving my husband but I straight up said, Im not going to be a slave to someone that I created. And then I realized , the only way to not hate motherhood (unless you’re one of those Dugger type reproducers or an annoying do gooder martyr who thinks having no life, wiping up shit and singing stupid songs about manners is delightful) is to be a BAD MOTHER. I’m a bad mom and I’m proud as hell because I enjoy my life, Im no longer screaming, my house is clean, bed time is virtually always on time, I go out with my husband 3xs a month and have sex in MY bed all the time (huge because she used to sleep in our bed, I hated it, husband enjoyed it, stopped that crap when I became selfish mommy)

    I’m a very analytical person (accountant in my previous life), I made a list of everything I couldn’t freaking stand about motherhood then I said Id fix every single thing that was fixable one thing at a time and then revaluate my life / happiness/ wants. My kid still bugs the crap out of me sometimes but I dont take ANY more shit anymore.

    1. Picky eater. I bought one of those seats that straps onto a dinning room table. Every single meal time I stuck her little but in the seat, presented her with a tray of healthy food that was mostly whatever I was eating + fruit + milk. She ate that or she starved and cried while I ate my meal. Im a fantastic cook and I was somewhat considerate, didnt try and get her to eat liver or kale salad but I made a decision that day I wasn’t running around, I was going to enjoy my food and I refuse to give her poptarts. She cried and whined and went without many meals for like all of two weeks but now she eats just about any and everything happily. She helps me cook, she sees vegetables at the grocery store and asks me to help her prepare them (shes four so mostly she watches while I cook) but what used to be trauma and tears is now a bonding experience. I call her once and shes climbing into her dinnertime chair. Husband thought I was Hitler. Thought our precious baby girl was going to starve to death. Thought the neighbors would think I was murdering her but I stuck to my guns and now I enjoy food again.

    Did the same thing with please and thank you. If she didn’t say, she didnt get what she asked for. I dont give a damn if it was a cracker. I havent reminded her in months but now shes a polite child.

    3. Running, hiding, ruining store trips. I made a rule that her but is going into the shopping cart, I dont care if its borning, I dont care if she doesnt like it. I never, ever, allow her to watch my phone anymore unless we are going into a store. This makes it a special treat. Then she can have as long as she sits quietly and silently. This one took a lot of work but after being dragged out of stores screaming and crying to sit on the sidewalk in silence for 10 minutes as a time out she got the hint. Im not embarrassed to shop anymore. Is she occasionally a little brat, yes. But now I enjoy taking mini me the store for the most part.

    5. Decided I hated mommy and me type of crap and all of those kiddie activities. Put my foot down. One day a week, Friday, is kiddie day. I go to parks, classes, the kids museum, stupid kid movies, toddler soccer etc etc. etc. Not kiddie day? Well I dont have to do any annoying kid crap if I don’t feel like it. I rock climb, swim, go to the gym. Don’t get me wrong, I take my kid along with me, she has fun, (all of these places have kids activities or babysitting) but she is not the priority, I am. We go because and if I want to go. If I want to stay home and work at the business for 12 hours, she gets inside play time and the rare but well loved movie. She knows kids day is coming up so she makes a huge list of stuff for us to do and doesn’t bug me too much during the week. Do we still have bad days – sure. Do I want to drown myself. Nope

    6. Bed time. Bath, teeth, story, bed time and thats it. Everyday. The routine starts at 7:30 sharp. Put your foot down. If she comes in my room I immediately take her back. I dont care if I have to get up 5 times a night (this has happened only a few times). My bed is mine and mine alone. My husband was whinier about this than the kid but he gets more action now so he supports the bedtime rule.

    7. Going out. I started my own business (a store on Etsy) and while I dont make a lot of money I do spend most of it on myself. I deserve to wear proper shoes and have a $40 mani pedi every three months and see movies with out her. A nanny is expensive, I can’t afford one. I let a totally unqualified highschool kid watch my kid for $10/HR at least once a week. Anyone with a degree or experience in California wants $14-$16/Hr. I could never afford to go out paying that so I went the “bad mom” route. I set up some cheap nanny cams, spoke to the girls mother and let her feed my kid pizza and look at her phone while my kid zones out to sofia the first. Babysitting isnt rocket science and all I need is someone who wont hurt my kid or let her fall in the pool. My husband I go to movies, I get coffee alone etc etc. and I dont feel the least bit guilty. We also cancelled cable to be able to afford this. its only an extra $70/month but thats two three hour outings or a full day away at a festival which means more to me than tv. Netflix and amazon video and redbox fill the gap anyhow. anything you can live without I say ditch and buy yourself some sanity.

    8. Mess
    I threw away most of my kids toys. People have been buying her useless plastic crap since my first ultrasound. she didnt appreciate most of it and clutter drives me mad. Her dolls and all of her special things and books are all set up on ONE bookshelf and in one rolling tote. Shelf too full? Better start a donation box. Then I set up a three sided gate and hung a curtain hook from the celing on one corner of my living room. Kids (we now have a foster son – dont ask me how I got suckered into that but he has no one else, so I refuse to give him up to the state) stay behind the gate to play with anything messy. They can run through the whole house, tear up the backyard, muck up their rooms but NO toys leave the “hole”. Not gonna lie it looks like Baghdad back there sometimes, but if they ask me for anything special, the answer is no unless the pig sty is cleaned up. Works about 75% of the time, sometimes they want whatever they asked for less than than they want to avoid work. Oh well, draw the curtain and I never have to look at it.

    Yeah if you do this kind of stuff people are going to judge you. “What do you mean you don’t cloth diaper and feed her homemade pureed organic nonsense four times a day on demand and sherpa her on your back so she never feels abandoned and do three hours of skin to skin contact, while you teach her french? Oh I could never do that to my angel”. My favorite is judgy moms who love to tell me “oh I could never leave my daughter with a sitter, I dont know how you do it” as though I love my kid less because I dont martyr all 16 hours of my waking day to her demands. Good luck NEVER being without your kids. You’ll be fat, stressed, lame marriage and boring AF with nothing to contribute to adult conversation but talk about your kids bathroom habits and miraculous discovery of eating with a spoon.

    SCREW those people. I dont have a single judgmental hipster granola mom in my circle anymore and I’m better off for it. Oh if you really want to be happy, say no all the freaking time. Nope the family cant do Christmas at my house, Im not cleaning shopping or decorating. Nope your kids cant come to my clean house for a play date, I’ll take everyone to the park for bubbles and hot dogs. Nope I don’t want to host the fundraiser. but here’s my check. Hell no I dont want to be a class mom – I’ll bring in the cookies and not bother to stay for the planning, sorry not sorry. No, neither I or my kids want to come to whatever stupid function you have planned on a Saturday night, I’m going on a date with my husband and my kid is watching non age appropriate cartoons with our 16 year old sitter.

    So yeah, I’m a bad mom but my kid is more stable, I’m happier and I actually enjoy my family now. If you hate being a mom stop letting the small people you have control over terrorize you! Set boundries and rules, close the bahtroom door when you pee and tell them to sod off, if they fight one up stairs, one downstairs, absolute silence or make everyone scrub the toilets, turn off the wifi, throw the toys down the basement steps and unplug the tv until they comply. Stop letting your husband be a soul sucking leash. If youre husband has a good life and yours sucks, he’s taking your half of the happiness in the marriage – take it back. Be a “mean” mom, be a “strict mom” be a “lazy” mom and let the laundry pile up or turn off your family’s cable so you can pay someone under the table to fold it for you but don’t be a suicidal, depressed, insane, alcoholic mom. You deserve a better life!!!

    1. Jrc

      Amen. This is an inspiration. Starting outking mean mommy tonight. Putting an end to this fucking manipulation by my kid.

      Why spend energy cooking a bland fucking meal he will complain? I’m cooking for me, then give him steamed broccoli and mango as his sides.

      I instuted if he did not like dinner, he can go get his cereal.

      No more cooking breakfast during the week. He can serve himself cereal. Or I’ll prep oatmeal in jars overnight and heat it. No more bacon and eggs.

      Hell start doing laundry with me. Putting his dish away.

      No please? I’ll ignore him. Now I tell him he didn’t ask correctly. No more doing that, he knows what to do. Tonight he’s in the bath and asked for a straw. I said no. Next time he can get it before bath.

      He’s on iPad a lot bc I’m exhausted. Single parent foreign country no help no family and his father left us fir another continent. Been in court for months. Am winning. He’s appealing and good luck with that.

      I hate I’m home bound with this kid 4 days a week. 80 hours childcare. Doesn’t include overnights. No family. I’m alone.

      Hate hate hate daycare drop off and pick up. Need to find a parent to do drop off. Ex did that (only for 9 months during past 4 years) yet it was great. My me time started at 0830 when he left. Now I get home after daycare dropp off at 0930.

      Dinner sucks. My day ends at 1630 to shop and prep dinner for 1815 pick up. Need a solution there.

      Not enough money to do my own activity, not many places offer boobs date and if so it’s costly. I like rick climbing yetvfir us 2 it’s around 80 fir 1.5 hours

  51. Fuckedup

    I hate my fuckinh liiiffeeee i hate everything about this shit motherhood. Cant wait to fucking let them get married and kicked the f7ck out of the house. I want to live alone forever. Fuck

  52. Wendy

    Yeah I am one of the women who had trouble conceiving. 11 years of crying every month that I wasnt pregnant. A tubal pregnant where I almost died and dont remember a week of my life. Two unsuccessful attempts at IVF . Told by doctors I woyldnever conceive and then has a baby and then twice remortgaged our house and went to Russia . Yes I am married and have given up my career to both attempt to get pregnant and then be a stay at home mom. All the childcare fell on me., even though I got a job when the kids were in school. No one said being a mother is easy. I don’t pretend to be Martha Stewart. Waking up the babies and getting them into snowsuits and car seats at 630 every morning so I could drive the oldest to the neighbours to catch the bus in the dark. Repeat at 3 pm to pick her up. Driving 1/2 hour to take them to town when the oldest was in dance lessons. My husband worked shift and didnt want them waking him up. I took them everywhere with me. The constant fighting and bickering, the hiding under racks of clothes, the tantrums. . The teenage years from 16-20 when the girls lost their minds. Running around at 2 am trying to find the girls and make sure they were safe. As hard as I tried I coukd nit orotect them from everythings. Two months ago I came home to find my 18 year old son dead from an accident in our home My life is shattered. I want to die but I have to live for my other children. My son had Aspbergers and Adhd and was so much work that I always said if I had him first there would have been 1 and not three. He was my baby and well loved. I told him I loved him every day. He made me Tea and brought me coffee from work. I loved him more than life itself. The girls moved out but I thought he would be with me forever. You just dont know. Love your children while you can. Before you know it they will be gone. I feel so empty. I would give anything to have him back.

    1. Hannah

      Please stop, we know ok we do but we are not like u and i know for a fact i will love the silence and cleaniness and not miss the mess and loudness. That gets old hearing from every older woman when we are struggling so hard just to be happy and survive for our children.

  53. GT

    I hate it too. I think everyone does, secretly . To be a good mother you have to completely let go every enjoyment in life and focus 100% on the kids wants and needs, Absolutely no time for yourself. I think the only people that may enjoy it either have A LOT of help or they are just those really old school thinkers ( like my mom) that that is a woman’s destiny blah blah blah. I also hate that bc some people have troubled conceiving we are never allowed to utter anything but utter joy for being mothers. That is ridiculous!!!!
    I wish I didn’t make a decision to have a kid. She is wonderful and beautiful , but I cannot handle it well and dread every day and night. I miss having a life

  54. Ann

    I’m 25 and My baby is 5 months and I love him to pieces but I just don’t want him! I absolutely hate being a parent. I had to give up so much to have him and his father left me while I was pregnant and is in a new relationship and hardly ever helps me with him. I feel ugly, tired, angry, useless, and pathetic. I thought having a baby would be fun and a happy experience and it has never been that I even hated being pregnant. I don’t ever have time for me anymore or anything I used to do. His dad gets to live his life happily he bought a 30K car but complains about giving me 300 a month or coming to watch him just so I can go to the gym. I just sometimes think about killing myself and my baby then we won’t be a burden on anyone and I won’t feel like this and I know my baby will never feel the pain of me leaving

  55. Kendra

    I have 9 kids and I was fine until baby #9. I think I’m babied out. The younger ones are not so bad but the 12 and 14 year old girls I could live without. I hate the lies they tell and the fights they get in. I try to reach them things that they need to know at their age but they act as if I don’t know anything. I’m so tired of dealing with them and then being in a bad mood sometimes towards the others. My 12 year old knows when I’m feeling the worst and it seems as if she targets me then. She is a the if and very headstrong. It seems to be a tit for tat when I punish her behavior. Her dad won’t pay cs or see her and the alternative school won’t take her either. I am stuck with her on top of all my other responsibilities. I just need a break. My husband is here and he helps but the girls disrespect us both. Counseling didn’t help either.

  56. Can I die please.

    Good Lord, what can I say you ladies have said it perfectly. I am a slave to this 8 year old begging ass, hard headed, parasitic little boy. He don’t do shit I ask or say regardless to repercussions. My mom use to say she wish she was dead when I was little girl, now I know why. (She and my father had 19 kids together. Seriously. ) Before today I begged not to die UNTIL I could secure a hefty insurance policy for the little ungrateful child. Today I don’t gives a fuck. Fuck it all. I’m sick of this shit. Fucking working all the time, to give money away to bills. Cleaning, cooking, homeschooling this little ungrateful, wild ass boy. I have always felt sorry for his teachers because I knew what I had to deal with at home. He has been hard to deal with since birth. Always crying, whining, not wanting to go to sleep or stay sleep. He just started sleeping through the night at age 7. He would always get up and come look for me three or four times a night. Can eat anything in peace because he sniff me out and says, “Let me taste it.” Then open his mouth wide with his tongue hanging out. Refuses to use
    a napkin but rather his clothes and the furnishings. Whose texting you, what she say, what you say, who’s calling you, what they want. Always want to sit on me and put those lil elbows just where it hurt.

    I’ve read through a couple of post, then scrolled to the bottom to see the updated ones and found Rachel which was comical though sad. Our situation is a little similar but the difference is that my 8 year old son’s father (Bless his heart) was a dead beat also. And he died four months after my son was born. Wow, that sounds bad but he did not do lift a finger for his newborn son. Had he lived I sometimes wonder would our life be better or worse. I think he would really love to have a dad. It hurts me to know he hasn’t experienced that which I have had most of my life. Judging by the first few months I cant say that he would have changed. But at least my son would have a father. Would he be a good loving father to my son. That is questionable also.

    Nevertheless it just him and I. He is a lovey child but not right now. Can I just drop dead please?

  57. Samantha

    On tv you see the ads of mothers cuddling their babies as they kiss them, put on diapers, give them a bath or play games with them. I didn’t think it would be this hard. As a child, I grew up in an abusive home, was bullied often and was looking for love and attention by another abusive guy in HS. I fell pregnant after my first semester in college. By then I was a depressed wreck. I had low self esteem, was in debt from college, he threatened to leave me and my parents promised to kick me out if I had a baby. I couldn’t imagine being broke and living in a shelter with a newborn, without any help from him so I reluctantly agreed to a termination. I felt awful for listening to him and he broke up with me because “it wasn’t that serious”.

    After some time, he apologized saying he made a mistake and wanted to prove he changed. I, being young, naive and in love, agreed. And a few months later I fell pregnant a second time. My fears came true anyhow and my folks were pissed and I was dumped (and duped)by him again. Upon finding out he hit, screamed at me and has completely disappeared from our child’s life and they will be a year soon. I take full responsibility for what happened though. I should have stood up and loved myself. But I was emotionally weak and inexperienced at relationships.

    I thought I could handle it all. But the diaper changes, finding money to fund my degree and other baby expenses, the constant crying, dealing with my depression has taken it’s toll on me. I miss my life before my child. I was on the brink of taking my life because I couldn’t deal with the abuse from my family and my past boyfriend. But now that she’s here I have to really try and stop myself from suicide. Because if something happens to me now, her father will not take care of her and my folks are sure to abuse her as they did to me. Being a single mom, caring for an infant and dealing with past emotional scars is harder than I could ever imagine. I am trying my best. But every time I wake up to tend to her I am exhausted. I cry and wonder why I haven’t died in my sleep yet. I do love my child and she didn’t ask to be here so I have to provide the best for her. Afterall, she won’t be a baby forever, but this feeling of hopelessness is unbearable.

  58. Rachel

    Big Sigh! Thank u ladies. I just got a little of my sanity back reading each and every post, thinking fuck me I could’ve have written the lot. I hate being a mum and I especially hate being a single mum. My ex didn’t do a fucking thing while I was pregnant to help out, never came to doctors appts, I bought everything for the nursery from the cot to the nail cutters to an aircon. After my son was born, he’d leave everyday as soon as he woke up and get back round 6. The fucker didn’t have a job to go to so where was he. He was renovating house he just bought to be our family home. Oh yeah didn’t mention he had 3 kids already that he always used to dump on me the weeks he had them. He couldn’t stand whinging whining babies. Well who the fuck can!! Not me that’s for fucking sure!! When I found out he was still renting his old place after moving in with me I lost my shit. He needed somewhere to go everyday to chill out, play PlayStation n watch movies cos was no fun being at home with me looking after his own kid. He gets mad at me about it and just walks away. I heard from him a few months later when he text me to say I was a piece of shit for calling child support to collect payments, I get a total of $414 a year, yes a fucking year n I’m the piece of shit! I thought I hated life then, thought can’t get much worse but everyday I wake up n i look up to the sky n think why me, why do u fucking hate me so much! I used to have friends, I used to have patience, I used to be pretty, I used to be spirited and bubbly now after a yr n a half as a single mum I feel like shit, I look like shit and have frequent outbursts, sometimes I’m angry, then sad or cry or scream in a pillow. I hate this life! I love my son but my god sometimes I wonder if I really do. Having him ruined my life is what it feels like. The rest of the time im like how bout I fuckn drive to the exes house drop off our son he hasn’t seen in a yr and a half and punish him for a bit. Most days I stay in my pjs cos what the fuck am I getting ready for! Can’t ever go where I want when I want … my life is dictated with my sons appts, playgroups and so much bullshit I have to do when I can’t give a fucking flying toss about any of it. All day everyday and thru the nite, it just wakes up n starts up. He’s not talking yet but fuck does he tantrum and whinge and whine and he screams like a wild animal is killing him with some decibels going on that make me want to kill myself. I’ve never said a word about it to anyone especially not my therapist. I act all positive I sugar coat things so doesn’t sound as awful but I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I have a family that probably wouldn’t even be around if it weren’t for my son. Apparently im the trouble maker in the family that brought shame to them all when I had a massive break down, took a shit load of meth to feel better but instead ended up in hospital. When I look back and think of all the times I cldve or should’ve died but didn’t, the real tradegy is that no matter how many fucking tough times or hard battles u have to push shit up hill n get thru, and pay ur dues there is no light at the end of that tunnel, no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I changed my whole life around for this kid n for wot to get fucked over yet again, and then again and then again…..fuck now the lil shit is awake n crying! Can’t even finish what I’m sound like usual …it’s all about him! I hate motherhood with a passion!

  59. mamake D

    I’m so glad I googled this ‘I hate being a mother’. I thought something was wrong with me. There’s times I don’t even know which it is. I feel myself pulling away from my son all the time. I’d started thinking that I resent him for existing. While reading all these comments I realised that I do love my son. He’s 9 and he’s just the sweetest boy which makes me feel so guilty for sometimes wishing he didn’t exist in my life, or that I could go back in time and not fuck his dad or had just had an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. It just feels like life is passing me by and i’ve always been such a free spirit until I became a single mom. I hate it so much coz it’s grounded me. I have to plan so much all the time coz I can’t go anywhere or do anything without considering my son first. And when I leave him with my mom so I can go for a night out, she always complains that i’m neglecting him. And when I stay too long without going out she complains that I never go anywhere and will never meet a man. I feel pulled apart. His father promised to always be there for us even wanted to get married when he found out. Then when he realised that raising a kid costs money he disappeared. I have such major anxiety issues. I feel like a failure and have been struggling for so long to love myself. I’m so glad I found this forum coz I now know i’m not alone in this. And once i’m able to accept my feelings it will be easier to deal. I’m also very grateful coz now I get that I don’t hate my kid, I just hate being a mother and a single one at that. I still think that if i’d known better i’d have had an abortion when my mom advised me to. And now the guilt is on full power right now.

  60. Fuck Me

    I hate my life, if I wasnt scared Id go to hell as spiritual punishment, Id find the nicest bottle of pills that give you a nice high, and fall into sweet darkness. I hate being a mother. The word in itself, disgusts me. I have a 3 year old who is deathly adorable, and if it wasnt for that matter, he wouldnt exist. He can get away with anything, and Im left to deal with it. I am so tired of my lazy, bastardly husband beating on me, fucking my mind over, turning me into a cold and calculating bitch. I fantasize of running away and changing my name, forgetting I spawned a “thing” that sucks the life from me. Im sick of disgusting shit on his face, diapers, squeaky little voices, children’s shit on my 65 inch TV…. I miss being skinny, my law career, shopping and staying out late, fucking drinking and being ME. I miss fucking my husband wild, without the sickening sound of my child crying. Get the fuck over it, youre not dying, its just your damn bowl empty, wait till Im done, this is your 3rd bowl anyways. I hate that aside from being a slave to an ungrateful parasite, I cant ever have nice things. I cant set my table, he’ll crawl up there and break everything. I cant put out decorations, bc he’ll knock them over. I cant even put myself in my own living room without being crawled on, drooled on, or jumped on, getting severely hurt in the process. My son doesnt care I have ovary cysts, or that I have a hernia. The little fuck can be told NO all day, and smile at you while doing it. Ive began to let him do whatever the fuck he wants, since he doesnt listen. Oh you want to continue to pull a bowl of milk off the counter? Am I telling you to stop? Have I gotten up 4 times and removed it and you, and you still seek it out? Mind you, the little fuck eats a ton. Then allow me to sit back and watch. Eventually you’ll learn it hurts and you wont do it. Will I secretly laugh? Fuck yes. Will I be worried? Not particularly. Will I be concerned? Only at the mess I have to clean up. Shut the fuck up kid, youre just fine, you shouldnt have what I told you not to. Now go take a bath and try not to drown….. oh what, you need me for that too?? Of course you do, you stole my life. Ahh, what about hubby?? Hes too busy jacking his 6 incher to asian porn cartoons, leaving me high and dry, throwing me across the bedroom, throwing me on bathroom floors, arguing with me nonstop, being Mr Righteous! Look at me! All while I go fucking insane. Yes… I love my son. Welcome to the darkness of hell inside my mind every god aweful day as I paste a smile on my face and try to be a good mom amd care. It works up to a point… but usually the first whiff of Desitin baby ass cream bring out my inner fuck it all. Oh well……… only 15 more hellish years to go!!!!!!

  61. Theresa B

    It is unfair to say that a mother should have known how hard it was going to be, especially when everyone around her is not willing to be truthful for fear of being vilified. I try to open up to other mothers but find that they are the most judgmental. I am hopeful because I know that deep down I have not given up on being a mother – that I haven’t completely checked out and am just going through the motions. These days come and go. I love my kids and would do anything for them. So I do. But I have lost heart most days. Some days are better.

  62. Tired of my life

    Feel so the same. I live with the baby daddy-but we are broken up-but he doesn’t want to move and to be honest we can’t afford to live without him financially. From my son’s birth, I’ve done everything ! Everything! He works 80-100 hours a week and even when he has a day off on the weekend he just wants to sleep. Lately since we’ve been broken up, he just stays at a motel Friday and Saturday night. I’m sure he’s whoring around, as he has that reputation. Had the hugest break down before. My son wakes at 4:30 am and wakes heaps at night. Been stuck at home with him the last week because he’s been sick. So I’m completely cut off from people. Couldn’t even go to the supermarket. Now ex won’t be home for the rest of the weekend. God knows what he is doing. We broke up because he cheated on me.
    So not only am I living with this man who cheated on me and helps me with nothing, I also don’t have family that want to help. My own family can but they just don’t. It makes me so angry sometimes. And I have to deal with this child’s tantrums and constant wake ups. He purposefully makes himself vomit to get me to get him out of the cot. I’m so angry because I’m so tired. I desperately need a break from my life. It’s Groundhog Day every day. Nothing ever changes. I’m insanely lonely and feel so angry that everyone seems to have these normal families. My son never listens to me and it takes for me to yell before he wil stop doing something. And then I just feel guilty. Motherhood is very lonely for me. I’m so tired of everything.

  63. Purplegirl

    I’ve just sobbed reading some of these posts as the things people are saying resonate so strongly with me. I feel so cross with myself for allowing myself to get pregnant. I was terribly afraid of having a baby for years and years. Then I agreed with my husband we would try. I had a miscarriage first time and when it happened, after the pain and sadness eased, I felt elated and free. I should have taken far more notice of the importance of that feeling and known that it meant in my heart I did not want a child. But, stupid me, I went on to get pregnant again and this time we had a boy. I should have known he was different – he wasn’t like the other newborns in the NCT group, and his differences continued until, when he was 2, he was diagnosed with a learning disability. He is now 11 and also has autism, a language disorder and mild epilepsy.
    I desperately miss my child-free life. Looking back, we were so happy together. Why oh why did we think that bringing a third person into our home would be a good plan?!! Madness! I’m so fed up with having to think for my son, watch him all the time as he does crazy things which are either dangerous for him or just wreck the house, answer his nonsensical questions, worry about the future, gnash my teeth with resentment that I can’t go out to work etc etc.
    Yes, it’s taboo in this society to say you hate motherhood. Try telling anyone that you resent your disabled child and don’t enjoy being with them. It’s a killer. I told a friend I though I could trust that I regretted having our son, and she just said “Well, he’s here now. You’ll just have to make the best of it.”

  64. Worried Grandmother

    I need help from you ladies. My daughter is a first time mom the baby is 6 weeks old and she says she doesn’t like being a parent. I offer to assist but she doesn’t let me do much. What can I do to help her feel better? Please any suggestions is welcome feedback good and bad welcome. I just want to help her be happy again.

    1. Natalie Nevares

      Hi Worried Grandmother!

      Sorry for the delay, I missed your message! I know how painful it is to see your daughter suffer, it’s more painful than your own pain. 🙁

      First, 6 weeks of a newborn is super rough. I think of it as kind of like a trauma. You’ve lost your old life, your body is recovering, you have no freedom, and there are no smiles or rewards from the babies yet. By media standards, it’s supposed to be the most joyful time! But, it’s not. So, it’s no surprise that she’s not loving this period, it’s rough!

      Second, watch her carefully for depression. With the surge of hormones and the reality of her situation, she is prone to depression and other postpartum mood disorders (anxiety, OCD, psychosis). So if she’s seeming extra down or anxious or just not herself, get her evaluated and treated if she needs it.

      Third, sometimes it’s really hard for moms to accept help from family members. Your daughter might be getting stuck in a “martyr” glitch. She’s probably feeling angry, and let’s face it, daughters take their anger out on their mothers, and she might be pushing you away because that’s just sometimes what daughters do. If you have the means, you can offer to hire a postpartum doula to help her. Doulas will come and help with whatever you need, answer all the new baby questions, take charge of the baby so your daughter can take a nap, or overnight so she gets a solid night of sleep.

      Good luck, and I hope this helps!

      Best,
      Natalie

  65. ResentfulMom

    It makes me feel better to know that there are so many other moms who feel the same as I do, but I’ve always bawled my eyes out reading everyone’s experiences because it really drives the reality home that much more that our personal lives as women are over.

    I have a 2 year old boy who is sweet and usually polite and helpful, but has his days as a terror. His father has never helped without a large show of sighing and huffing about, and sometimes he has flat out refused, saying how tired he is from working all the time… as though I’m not working 24/7. He gets to leave his job at the end of the day. I don’t.

    Our baby was very large, so I had to get a C section that I had never planned or wanted. I suppose in a way I’m grateful that I didn’t destroy my lady parts trying to push out a 10lb kid, but in a stranger way I feel I was robbed of the “real experience.” Hormones do some fucked up shit, don’t they?

    All the while I was in the hospital recovering, my husband never helped. I wonder why he was even there. I had to be on magnesium for the first 24hours to try to get my blood pressure down, which made me very sick and loopy. I was so weak and had to be so careful with my incision site that I couldn’t maneuver this massive new life to get him positioned to breastfeed properly. My husband would not help me. The nurses seemed very judgmental when they came to collect data from me regarding my son’s feedings. I was not doing a good job. I couldn’t. I was weak and vomiting and couldn’t place him across my lap properly because of the wound, and I was crying constantly with no sleep because of either the baby or a nurse coming in to poke and prod at me every so often. The only good thing was that they fed me well.

    After we went home, things did not improve. I remember many nights that I would be crying in the rocking chair right alongside my brand new responsibility, from 2-4am. I know my husband heard me. He never offered to help. I felt like a bad mother for not being able to handle it, for feeling like I needed help. When I finally built the courage and sense of self worth to ask for help with things here and there – a diaper change so I wouldn’t get kicked in my healing C section scar again, a feeding with pumped milk so I could go shower or get a precious moment of sleep… or shower, a change of clothing for the little one’s spit-up covered self so maybe I could change my spit-up covered clothes as well… or shower – he would always huff and sigh and take on a tone as though it was some massive unreasonable favor, despite the fact the he was quick to constantly say “if you need anything, just ask,” or how he felt as though it was the chance he never got to raise his child, since his ex gf had taken full custody of their daughter, years prior.

    I have always been made to feel like a guilty failure when I have truly needed help. And if I do finally, magically, by some miracle get a brief reprieve, I’m expected to use it for cleaning or some other necessary function that I’ve gotten behind on. Heaven forbid I should want to do something fun like watch a show or play a game if I manage to persuade him to feed the kid for once. More judgment.

    Hubby always said when our son was an infant that “oh I’m no good at this infant stuff,” even though it was supposedly the second chance he yearned for, and “when he’s older I’ll be more involved, when he can play with other toys and balls and things, when he’s talking and can tell us what he wants,” yet here we are at that point. Our child is talking wonderfully well, says please and thank you most of the time, and articulates very clearly what he wants to play with (cars, mostly). Yet hubby will come home from his desk job 12 minutes away, where he gets an hour lunch and it’s not a huge deal if he comes in a little late, and he will be “too tired” to even respond to our poor boy’s happy chatter. He falls asleep on the couch or spaces out watching the kid’s cartoons. He gets angry if the kid tries to drive a car over his tummy or climb up for a hug.

    It breaks my heart and it boils my blood.

    I don’t get to come home from work. I gave up my schooling midway through when I became pregnant. Oh, and we conceived the very week we were married, so we had no time to enjoy our new life together before it was interrupted. (IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT ON YOUR PERIOD, LADIES, YOU ARE MISTAKEN. ALWAYS USE PROTECTION.)

    I’ve sacrificed my entire personal life, my dreams and goals, and even basic needs. For what?

    A heart full of resentment and bitterness. A life that’s over before I had a real chance to get out and live it.

    Don’t believe anyone who says it will get better. In some ways, it might, but a selfish partner will never improve. If I had been able to afford to keep working, or finish school and get the job I wanted, maybe it would be different. I’d have the means to take my sweet but exhausting son away from his deadbeat father and give him the life he deserves. The life we both deserve, with someone who would care more about us both.

    Like many of you ladies, I feel fooled by hormones and societal expectations. The worst part is definitely having to pretend you’re ok. After 20 years of depression and anxiety at least I can put on the face in public and smile and answer all the inane questions from random strangers, and the world probably thinks I’m happy. I’m nearly 30. I have no career and not even a degree. I am not happy. I am screaming inside.

  66. Holly

    I’m so glad I found this post I don’t feel alone anymore thank you all for posting. Motherhood is the hardest job you’ll ever do it’s a test of your mental sanity and physical capability and while we all cope different my struggles I find it really hard having 2 girls she 2 and 4. I never wanted children and fell pregnant on the pill twice. I am now on injection which seems to be working, but I will not be carrying on with anymore pregnancy should they happen. I’ve never been one to ever have Sucidial thoughts but since having my first and then my second it just get worse everyday my mental health advisor keeps cancelling all my appointments, I was diagnosed with eds and my body and joints are deteriating and I’m only 26 I feel more like 56. The girls constantly whine scream shout don’t leave me alone, I can event eat at meal without them adding bodily fluids to it. I do work 3 days a week 10 hour shift each so I literally dive out the door when I have work it’s my only sanity if I’d didn’t have that I hounestly don’t think I would be here now. I thought my other half would b good with kids as he already had 5 nieces and nephews but guess what he wasn’t interested with my first born I didn’t know even know what to do with a child let alone a baby so had to learn quick and she was sent a sleeper I survived on 5 hours broken sleep for nearly 2 years she did not like to sleep she would spend between 16-18 hours a day, then my partner would expect me to stay awake until 12 to get ensure his needs were met and then have to get up at 4/5am with little one and I wasn’t allowed to nap I had to clean with the baby in my arms and the slighted bit of dust left means I was a shit cleaner. Oh on top of all of that I had to walk to dog and clean his back side at any change she napped. Never again will I reproduce I avoid sex at the thought of another child. And Nearly stabbed my sister in law for telling me I have to have another child after everything she knew ; her having 4 who dumps the kids on everyone end and then works 7 days a week 12 hour shifts so barley sees hers anyway.

  67. Christina

    I’m so glad that I found this post. This is my life. I’m going crazy. I just took my first antidepressant today. I just want to make it through the next couple of months…I can’t even think beyond that right now.

  68. Chloe

    Glad I am not alone, my kids are three and six and my husband works long days then he gets frustrated at me being frustrated with the kids who always moan, argue, scream, never eat meals, are up and down all night, I have literally had no time to myself since they were born. My family live abroad and I have no parents, his parents live down the road and see the kids once a month and even then it’s like trying to bargain with them, they’ll take the kids at bed time and then we have to go and collect them in the morning, they can’t even have them for a day. I am so looking forward till they are both at school and I can actually do normal things like take a dump alone or put make up on and maybe meet and make friends for a coffee in the afternoon. I avoid going out with my three year old because she won’t sit still, screams, runs away and generally won’t listen. We never eat out because out kids cause a fuss. I feel like my temper is so short I try to start the day being positive and doing crafts then by the end of the day I am like a screaming banshee and every other sentence is WHAT THE FUCK!! I hate it, I really want to be that lovely soft wording mother who is like OH MY LITTLE DARLINGS LETS ALL PLAY NICELY, but it’s more like, WILL YOU BOTH JUST PACK THIS SHIT IN!!! Losing my motivation for most things these days, it’s felt like six years of just being a slave. Nobody offers to help us or give us a break, sometimes I just can’t wait till they are old enough to leave home! I hardly used to drink and now I drink like six bottles of wine a week, which isn’t bad, one a night but I have put on so much weight and started smoking cigarettes just to stop getting myself worked up, and I hate smoking! I just feel like I need to go and have a smoke before I lose my shit and start yelling! Sure the neighbours hate us and think I am a horrible mother.

    1. M

      Chloe,
      You are not a bad mother, it is so hard when there is no help or support. Omg, I think my neighbors think the same since I am always yelling as well. You know I never had a taste for alcohol but recently been enjoying wine very much. Hugs to you and I hope you get a much needed break.

  69. M

    I am so glad I found this website and that I am not alone. I love my kids so much but as many of you ladies have said on here, I absolutely hate being a mother. I have no support system what so ever and on top of that I am in a foreign country that is not the kindest to mothers…Japan. My husband has really changed since we have had kids. He use to be sweet and we were always a team but after having kids we are no longer a team. I do everything by myself while he goes out and does what he wants. He never understands why I am always grumpy, resentful and unhappy. I have asked him for help more times than I can remember but as usual makes the excuse that he is too busy. Oh did I mention I work from home just like he does so I am busy as well but I guess what I do is not nearly as important. I have been in this constant fog and I can not get out of it. I use to look to the future and life in general with happiness and excitement and now I barely look forward to the next day. I think about suicide a lot but of course will never do it but I do fantasize a lot about it or just leaving on a plane and never coming back. I just want help, I miss feeling like a person. I miss my body and my freedom. I am constantly cleaning after everyone on top of my job and my husband is always nagging me about going to the gym. He goes everyday for 3 hours…..I do not have his time and have repeatedly asked him for help with the kids and house and of course I will go. He has no empathy for me and is constantly putting me down on top of my oldest always fighting with me. I so badly just want help and a damn hug and empathy but I am always on my own. I envy women whose husbands help and are kind…parenting is hard but it helps to have someone there for you which I do not have. I love my kids more than anything but if I had to do it again I would not have gotten married and had kids.

  70. WhereHaveAllTheCowboysGone?

    I agree with all of you. Motherhood sucks! I have a son who is stubborn but who also has special needs who I love dearly but he sucks the life out of me. I’m a shell of the person I used to be. 90% of the childcare falls on me because of my husband’s work schedule. He tries to be helpful but he is clueless. He comes home from work at night and drinks his stress away while playing games on his cell phone. I’m still with him because I can’t imagine being stuck every night dealing with my son’s behavior 100% alone. I too am tired of the messes every day, the whining, the backtalk, the resisting of everyday things like brushing teeth and getting dressed- the pickiness with food. I’m tired of homework and doctor’s appointments and rushing around all the time. It is a shit deal when you work full time and are still expected to act like it’s 1950. If I had the chance to do this all again I wouldn’t. Regrets! I feel guilty saying it but it’s the raw truth. I pray for happiness.

  71. Yella girl

    I’m the 29 year old mother of 5 boys…. And I absolutely hate it. They’re 11, 10, 8, 6, and 1. I love them to death… But, I so very hate being they’re mom. I want absolutely NO responsibility for them, and I really wish I didn’t have to be. What makes matters worse is the fact that my second born was born 24 weeks premature, is severely developmently delayed, and has so many health issues. My first born is extremely disrespectful to me and his teachers (which is very embrassing), he has no desire at all to learn (fails every single subject every school year), was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Then my 6 year old is pretty much the carbon copy of the oldest… Being recently diagnosed, and never wanting to do ANYTHING beneficial to his education. Of course I’m always given the side eye from teachers and school officials as if I’m the one who simply doesn’t care… When I’m literally at home fussing nonstop, attempting to enforce punishment to no avail, because they don’t listen at all at such a tender age… I don’t want to be bothered with ANY of this… And if i could turn the clocks… I’d NEVER consider keeping them.I really feel like I’m a horrible person for feeling this way. When I’m on social media, I’m constantly seeing my highschool friends posting pictures of their children and gloating on how much they love them, and love being a mother…. And I can’t help but wonder if they’re being honest or just putting on a front for social media, because I simply CANNOT relate. I NEVER get a break from them, and I’ve been a mom so long… I can’t even remember what my life was like when it was mine. That’s the hardest part…. I have absolutely NO life. I sit and daydream of simply being able to go to the movies whenever I want… And it’s sad. My parents live nearby… And they NEVER offer to help. Which I find unfair, because they were given breaks from my brother and I from time to time by our grandparents. If I could leave without being hit with an abandonment charge… I probably would. It’s hard having these feelings, wanting to verbally express them to someone, but can’t. Because, you know they’d never understand, and will be quick to judge you. And, even if they pretend to not be judging you…. You know it will definitely be thrown in your face the second they’re displeased with you….

    I just want to be free. I want to live MY life. Travel, see the world (something I’ve never done), come and go as I please, live alone… In a spotless home, come and go as I please. I simply do not enjoy life. I’m extremely unhappy.

  72. nonana

    I had 4 kids close together starting in my early 20s and I absolutely hated hated hated it. My house was overrun with toys and crap and filth and they’d fight. All of my friends were still living by the beach surfing and going out and I lived inland in this shithole town so we could afford a house big enough for the kids. My husband worked all the time and I was alone with these screaming monsters. I suffered from the worst depression. I went off to school at night just to get away from them and it never really got any better.

    I ended up getting remarried after the first round of children got older and had a single child. I love this kid so much. He’s the happiest little dude. I happily spend my time with him. Now he’s about to be a teenager and I’m bummed at the thought of losing my little buddy.

    I think a lot of it is where you are in life and what you want out of it.

    But, back to the original kids, now they’re having children of their own and I want absolutely nothing to do with babysitting their kids. YUK!!!

    Would I do it all over again? Nope. Kids suck.

  73. Carson

    I’m childfree. My husband had a vasectomy so there is a minuscule chance of unplanned pregnancy. Working as a nanny and a special needs worker taught me that I am not cut out for motherhood. I saw how being a mother turned my mom into a miserable person and I don’t want that for myself. My husband and I enjoy our freedom, clean and quiet home and extra income. I have no desire to go through pregnancy and childbirth. Those processes seem disgusting and physically traumatic.

    What bothers me is that other women are always trying to get me to have kids. I think they want me to join their misery. I see how being a mother is so thankless. I also hate the way men hardly do any parenting in most cases.

  74. Erin

    Nothing is as good as having free time.

    I hate having kids. If i could do it all over again i wouldn’t. I never wanted kids, my husband forced it on me and pretty much brain washed/talked me into it. He would tell me how amazing it is and the dreams of him “having a family” when really he had no clue. He is in denial most of the time and he mentally blocks everything out. He will tell me how much he loves it but then will immediately get frustrated and tell me to deal with it and thats when i get up and walk out. I have to force him to be a father/good father even though this was “his dream”. I have to drill it into his head, “This was your dream, i gave you your dream, now live it.” Obviously he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. But i did, I tried so hard to talk him out of it. Now here we are; starring at each other like wtf with resentment all over my face and a big middle finger in hand. Him and i no longer have a relationship, it is now a job. Before the baby came we were super happy and just loved being with each other; traveling, going out, dressing up and doing awesome things. Doing all the awesome stuff that people wished they could do and we were doing that! Now its just a mess and i resent him so much for it. I also think he is an idiot for not listening to me. I thought he was much smarter than that but this whole process has made me realize he’s an idiot and i don’t say that lightly. The joke of it all is that he wants more kids! I can’t even take him seriously anymore. The situation reminds me of someone who burns their hand on a hot stove and says, “Wow that feels good, lets do it again.”

    Sorry but Denial is not a river in Egypt.

  75. Erin F.

    It’s so important to have somewhere like this where mothers can vent the true ugly and negative side of motherhood….I’ve learned through family that both of my Grandmothers hated being mothers…one Grandmother had 5 kids and the other 6 and they basically did it alone because my Grandfathers were working all the time…this was in the 50’s when women always stayed at home with the kids…I can’t imagine….I would blow my brains out if I had to rear 5-6 kids alone..,I have two kids, a 11 yr old girl and a 4 yr old son….I had my first young, at 22 and being an only child growing up I wasn’t used to babies or kids so her screaming drove me insane…I would literally have to leave the room and scream in a pillow…her father was no help…never changed a diaper..never got up in the middle of the night to change a diaper….but it got better….she was a calm toddler and we had fun together…even at 11 she is a well mannered child who listens..even though she needs to clean her room better…! Then 5 yrs ago when I was single I met someone and got a surprise pregnancy…!! I considered abortion but deceided, what’s one more kid, I can do it…! Yeah wishful thinking…my son is nothing like my daughter…he’s a holy terror…im not with his father..his father is abusive and we both have a restraining order against him….I fear my son got his bad genes…. I love my son but he has made me hate being a mom…he is so difficult…he is constantly screaming, throwing things and the object hits you in the face and he thinks it’s funny, breaking every nice thing I’ve ever had… he’s disrespectful, he hits his sister and drives her to the point where she just stays in her room and it’s fair to her…he hits me too and says he hates me….he’s only 4 but I think, what an ingrate…I sacrifice my life to care for you, I protect and love you and this is how you repay me…?? He embarrasses me so bad…I can’t even take him to the store without him bringing attention to us, people staring probably thinking I’m a bad parent…then if you pop them on the butt in public someone’s ready to call the police…I’m at my wits end honestly…he starts kindergarten this year and I hope it changes things for the better….I think about my life and I feel it’s passing me by…all I do is take care of kids, endless fucking messes that I’m so sick of cleaning up, cooking when I don’t even want to, being disrespected…I can’t enjoy anything…the moment I sent down by myself to watch a movie he fucking wakes up and it makes me want to punch myself in the face…I get invited to go places and can’t because I’m tied down with kids…I don’t have much help…my mom passed 3 yrs ago and my dad can help me limited…sometimes he takes my son for the weekend and I can’t explain how amazing it feels to have a quiet house, it’s heaven…! And then my daughter gets the attention she truly deserves…I imagine sometimes where my life would have taken me if I wouldn’t have had kids…would I have traveled like I wish I could, would I have got a high paying career…etc..? Then in my mind I assume I was meant to have kids because it happend…it happend for a reason right..? My biggest fear is that they grow up to be fuck ups….I will feel all my time was wasted trying to be a “good mom”…I teach them manners, respect, I’m working on the rules and routine thing but honesty I DONT WANT TO…!! I want to do what I want to do…I want to live my life..I don’t even know who I am anymore other than a babysitter, ass wiper, maid, cook…etc…Is there anything else to life..?? I’m depressed…I have no energy and love going to sleep because I’m away from it all for awhile…I’m taking Celexa but it’s not helping much…I’ve talked to a therapist about my son and she gave me great solutions but it’s so time consuming trying to get my son trained…but I know he needs to be trained so he will be a successful happy adult…its just so difficult and I feel like leaving one day and never coming back…bug I know that would hurt the kids and the guilt would consume me therefore I feel trapped in this thing called motherhood…We as mothers are expected to love being a mother..how dare we feel human and dislike it…I will never have another child and I highly suggest girls thinking about getting pregnant think about it real hard…it won’t keep a man, in reality it will make a man leave, you will be doing all the work unless you find a wonderful husband who helps with all the duties, which is extremely rare, it’s expensive and you don’t want to end up depending on the government to survive, your life will be over and you will only be a mom now, anything that you like to do will end and it’s all about the child now, get ready to be nothing more than a fucking maid who never gets appreciated…and your body will be ruined with saggy boobs and a fat saggy skin stomach…Everyone’s situation is different and some moms have more support and help and can still do what they want but most, like myself, are completely on lockdown with kids….People say “they will grow up and then you will have free time for yourself”…yeah I’ll be fucking 50 yrs old….ill be old…ever since I was 22 it’s been nothing but mom shit…now I’m 33 and I feel like a old worthless nothing…I have no good supportive friends and guess what I got for Mothers Day…?? Nothing…no one even told me “Happy Mothers Day”….It should be “Happy domestic slave day”….I hate to be so negative but it’s my reality and it’s a reality for so many lonely, stressed out moms…Thank goodness we can vent somewhere…!! When I see children or a baby out in public I don’t shower them with all that “Aww how cute”…I look away…I don’t hate kids…I just want nothing to do with them,.,,I can’t believe I had kids with the way I am…I like quiet peace, I like my house constantly clean and organized, I like to come and go as I please….Well I picked the wrong career…the career of motherhood Is a 24/7 messy chaos…its soooo annoying…And like another mother commented, the ladies being stressed about the infants…? Infants are easy compared to a toddler…Infants sleep a lot and don’t run around touching everything…so get ready for those toddler years…!! I’m bracing myself as my daughter will be a teenager in two years….I pray she doesn’t rebel and make my nerves worse than they already are…! I don’t blame women for not having kids..,and I’ve never had an abortion but I support any women who chooses to have one, as long as it’s not multiple abortions…some women shouldn’t be parents…look at all the child abuse cases…it’s so sad…Anyway this is so long but I needed to vent..I have no one to talk to…Ladies stay positive….I know it’s hard and it feels as if the madness will never end but it will…!! It will get better…!

  76. Not so bad

    I can relate to these sentiments. Motherhood is not what I thought it would be. My children are fine, healthy, and ok behaved. But I compare them to my upbringing and there is massive lack in behavior. I am dreading summer, and excited about fall. I dont mind one on one. But out put them together and it’s pure drama. I wish with all my heart I could have gotten fixed after my first, but the law states two kids or 25. My response was “So at 14 I can have an abortion without telling my parents, but I can’t get fixed at 20? That’s stupid”. I am fixed now and so glad cause babies are cute….if I wasn’t fixed I would be dumb enough to do this shit again. It keeps me from being insane. I have a wonderful life with pretty awesome kids considering things I observe and read. I know why I hate it…..its mundane. It’s stringing beads with no knot. And bottling feelings because they are not lovely. And there is no connection to the out side world in a way I would like. No one comes over, no one calls, no one responds to texts….i do see a light though just get through summer.

  77. JD

    How do I stop being so angry. I’ve been a single parent for 13 years. I raised both of my boys basically alone, though their dad sees them one day per week while I’m at work. I’m in my early 50’s and have two teenage sons. One is 18 and the other 14. I work full-time and somehow am expected to continue to smile and ask nicely for help around the house. My 14 year old is an angry mess and argues with me about everything. He says he would be better about helping if I would ask nicely. My response is that I have been asking for f…ing years and still not getting dishes put in the dishwasher, dirty clothes in the hamper, dogs fed or walked, help with the yard, etc. No worries, mom is clearly the chef, maid, chauffeur and dog walker and everything else – on top of getting up every day at 5am for work, making dinner, etc. I flip out when I walk in after working all day and the kitchen is a mess or their is stuff everywhere. If I don’t say something, our dogs would starve. How did I raise such self-indulgent humans? I am angry 100% of the time. I never smile anymore or find anything fun or amusing. It’s just sad. I have a great education and am reasonably bright. I feel like life won and I lost. Love my kids but really tired of being the maid. When I ask (or start yelling which is more common now) for help, they act like they are so put out. The older one has a much better attitude than the younger one. I love them but there are days when I really don’t like them at all. I want to find a solution to my anger. It’s not productive. It’s not fixing anything. What do I do???

  78. Diajack

    I’m so thankful for this thread. Glad to know I’m not alone. My kids are 5 and 2. As of late, every morning I wake I am filled with dread thinking of what the day will bring. I never thought it was going to be this hard. The constant crying, fighting, demands, disrespect, messes have me regretting my choice to have kids. I’m often suicidal.

    No family or close friends to rely on to help babysit. The thing I hate the most is not having the quiet and alone time I use to have to do things for me. I’m naturally introverted. I like reading, making art and jogging outside in the woods or on nature trails. Since having kids and becoming a stay home mom, all those fun things don’t happen really anymore. Sure I can plop my youngest in the jogging stroller while my oldest is at school but the “runners high” doesn’t happen. I have to constantly stop to give snacks, water etc, and she hates staying still and wriggles to get out. So I don’t get to do the things that help me relax and unwind, yet I’m more stressed than ever and need those things the most right now.

    If I would have known it was going to be this hard I might not have had kids. I love them and will fight tooth and nail for them, but I often worry and wonder if the days will ever get better.

  79. A. Nony Mouse

    Ugh, so much this. On some levels it gets better as they age, but then they turn into ungrateful shits. I was in an abusive marriage and forced to have my kids, because my birth control was tampered with. My X only wants custody necause I’ve always worked and he wants child support. He spends the money on himself while charging my kids rent. Yet who do the kids want to live with? Dad! The one who didn’t sit with them when they were sick, the one who took all of our money and spent it on booze, cocaine, and strippers. The one who turned their world upside-down with the divorce.

    No one ever tells you that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you give, your kids can still turn on you and be rotten human beings. If they weren’t my kids and I just met them on the street I wouldn’t want to know them or be their friend. Only my 12 year old is close to me, and she is an angel. Only one kid, out of four.

    I can’t even ne happy for pregnant coworkers anymore. I’ll be seen as a terrible, bitter woman if I tell them the truth. And they won’t believe me anyway, because our whole culture lies to us about the realities of motherhood.

  80. Maria

    I have a wonderful husband, I made my kid for our marriage, I had never thought I would have hated motherhood. Everything is shocking to me. I hate all!

    Being pregnant, nursering, sleep deprivation, boring games I hate all, cleaning up, the screaming for sleeping, the mess, the quantity of work I have to do.
    She is almost 2 and every day it’s an eternity. I can’t wait until my husband get home, so and I can hide myself from everybody. The guilt kills me for not loving motherhood enough.
    I feel guilt letting her all day at day care… But I hate being with her all day. I studied to work no to be at home being a mom but the guilt blocked me.
    People ask me constantly when I am making the second one. How in earth I could ever make a second baby if I hate being a mom with one? The pressure of the society is enormous.. to stay at home, to love your child to make more. I feel it’s this way to make women being sleve. I feel I am one.

    I love my child but my desire it’s to go back time and wait until I will be old enough to live motherhood differently.

  81. Liz

    I’m reading these comments and I know other mothers have it much worse than me but that doesn’t keep me from being depressed. I have one four year old son. I never wanted to be a mom but my first and only boyfriend (who claimed he was sterile and couldn’t have kids) did want to be a father.

    Lord and behold after only 3 1/2 months of dating im horrified to find out I’m pregnant. I considered abortion but I couldn’t go through with it. I thought of my boyfriend, he wants this. So I go through with it, and I know I should be a happy mom but I’m not.

    I have my mom who helps me out with taking care of my son. She watches him for me usually two days out of each month. Sometimes even more cause she is crazy about my son. It should be enough but it’s not. It feels like I get fleeting moments of true happiness when it’s just me and my boyfriend (the father) a time when I get to be just me again. I get to be free again for a couple of days and soar my wings but it’s over so soon and then I am chained down again.

    I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, I know I can’t change anything and that is what is depressing. I love my son but I do not want to be a mother at all. I want to focus on me and my relationship because I only had a short time to do that before my son came along.

    I know it’s incredibly selfish and I feel guilty snapping at my son because I’m usually thinking to myself I wish you would hurry and grow up and go to college so I can have my life back. Or I think to myself I wish it was just me and your daddy. I want to travel and to spread my wings and fly. I’ve spent most of my life with social anxiety, shy and withdrawn. I feel like I haven’t even begun to live yet and now I’m a mom. Tied down for life :'(

  82. Lee

    Wow I am so happy I found this post. Who knew I wasn’t the only freaking woman who hates this shit. You always see on TV these happy go lucky families. Yeah bullshit. GOD I’m so fucking tired ! And over this. I’m laying in bed with my 10month old son who just got over having a fever because he’s teething. Poor baby right? WHAT ABOUT ME, his hot skin was on me while I soothed him woke up to take care of him. Don’t get me wrong I love my sweet boy he’s the happiest baby anyone could ask for but fuck why do still feel this way! Oh maybe it’s because he hits me in the face or constantly puts his fucking fingers in my face. Oh his dad let me not even get stated on that, he works nights 8 hours okay. Comes home I MAKE BREAKFAST he eats plays his stupid game while i watch our son and get ready for work I only work 4 hours not bad right? Oh but when I come home there’s a whole other job waiting for me.you guessed it DINNER,cleaning and crying ass baby with his dad once again just sitting there playing his game , he does oh so much he works more blah blah you ask this man to give our son a bath he won’t even know where to start. I appreciate what he does for us night shift has to suck but fuck what about my night shift I had to stop writing this post like 5 times because he wants to lay on my face or cry like someone hurt him . Not to mention that if he ever hurts him sell it’s always “bad mommie” like really everything has to be my fault he always makes feel guilty but if he hurts him self on his dads watch I’m just always like is everything okay and let it go! I told him today I didn’t care that our son cried because he was doing it FOR NO REASON HES FUCKING SPOILED! I love him I always will he makes me smile but I’ve lost who I am as a person. I’m tired of having feet in my fucking face. Thank you ladies. Stay strong . If anyone can do it it’s us.

  83. camila

    I totally understand you girls. Beeing marriage sucks.
    My baby is a good girl, but it’s all on my back, my husband always saying I’m playing guilty, but he throws guilty every fucking day to me!
    I hate that I have nowhere to run from this reality, I got addicted to pot, I smoke it all the time, just can’t live reality.
    I have for jobs, I work all the time, I take care of my kid and house all by myself and my hunsband thinks he is doing sooooo much, spending all money he gains and mine!
    I tried to finish this relationship a lot of times, but I just have nowhere to go, my mom and dad? Yeah, I can, but then I’ll have to come back to theis rules and opinions, and yes, they are better at driving me crazy then my useless husband, that can’t even find freaking clothes to put on her.
    I hate that I’m feeling like this.

  84. Unhappy Single mom

    I am utterly and absolutely MISERABLE!
    The amount of responsibility I’m left carrying is disproportionate, heart wrenching and completely unfair! I hate my life!

    I cry myself to sleep at night MANY NIGHTS!

    I LOVE going to work because it’s my only relief and it’s the only thing in my life I have for “me”. I have no social life. I’ve sworn off dating in fear it will interfere with my job as both her mom and dad!

    When the weekends roll around I feel upset and anxiety knowing that I’ll have to give daughter my all! I haven’t had 1 day of freedom in so long! I often feel depressed, angry and regret.

    My douche bag ex-husband barely pays child support and he never sees her! He is free as a bird to live, laugh and love and I’m suffering with the daily responsibility and zero help.

    My cup is so empty! I wish I could have just a portion of my own time, love and attention I give my daughter!

    I have zero support! No friends or family!

    I count down the days until she’s off to college — I hope I then have the strength, youth and energy to enjoy what’s left of my life!

    I’m so unhappy with how I’ve ruined my life!

  85. Adri

    I really, really dislike being a mom. It is beyond difficult and it pushes me over and over to the limit. It’s the constant fighting, the yelling, the ungratefulness. I tried to be a stay at home mom, but it simply became too overwhelming. The cleaning, the cooking, the laundry, did I mention the laundry?! No one cared. Clothes every where, plates in every room, dirty clothes all over. No one stopped to think… hmmmm,I wonder who’s picking up when we are out and about. And the loneliness. No one to talk with until the kids came home and then it was more of a refereeing act than actual conversation. And the hubby, well he was in heaven. Food done, clean home, kids in bed. What else could he want?! I couldn’t do it. I became resentful, angry, and a sad version of me. I’ve gone back to work, but I can’t say it’s any better. at least I’m able to communicate with others, however, I’m sleep deprived- the house is a mess, kids continue to fight, hubby works late- so has no clue what I go through day in and day out. I think about going back to school, but how?! It’s a mess. I’m a mess. I gained a ton of weight, I’m in constant pain, and genuine smiling is becoming more and more difficult. I want to enjoy it. I want to be one of those moms that loves it all, but I just can’t, when giving it all just isn’t enough.

  86. Desperatelyseekingsleep

    Oh man. Do I relate.

    I hate my life, and lately hating my kid.

    I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married either. Stupidly I did both in my early 30’s. What a fucking mistake.

    I think I realized it would not be kittens and rainbows the day he was born. The nurse asked if I wanted him in the room…I said no thanks, he can go to the nursery. Its been all downhill since.

    He had severe colic. Screamed 23 hours a day until 5 months old. Daddy was useless and a nasty prick. We separated when kiddo was 7 months. He lives 3000 miles away and visits once a year.

    But it gets worse. Kid has autism, Adhd and ocd. I struggle to control him. He is a whirling dervish and I cant take it anymore. Being a single mom to this little person who cannot speak, is not toilet trained and destructive is hell.

    I love him but regret every day of my life. It will never get better. No extended family to help, no breaks, no social life. I cant take him anywhere because he destroys ever house he visits. Hes far stronger than me and resists hair cuts, nail trimming and sleep. I havent had a solid nights sleep in 12 years. He is medicated- it barely does a damn thing.

    I was thinking only yesterday that my life will only get better if he goes into a group home…but strangely i would miss him and fear no one would take care of him.

    Guilt overcomes me.

  87. MomOf4

    I dont even have the time to vent properly on this post because i have ZERO minutes to myself….EVER!!!! I miss me!!! I feel almost dead inside. Only going thru the motions!!!

  88. MomOf4

    FUCK ME!!!??? Omg i fucking hate what I’ve done to my life!!! I can’t stand the constant mess. The cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning!!!! Oh my god!!!!

  89. Mel

    Funny how many women online reveal the ‘truth’ but in person seem to always look so content. I admittedly loved being a mom the 1st time around and had the patience of a saint. As a result, I have a very well behaved and sweet 2 year old which I’ve seen is rare; however in round 2 I was nailed with post partum depression and have turned into a bloody monster. Caring for 2 kids is hell on earth. I’m always swearing and yelling at my 6 month old and my 2 year old gets ignored because the baby is satan’s offspring I think. He cries about everything!! Because I don’t have any patience for him, he’s turning into a complete $&):! already and has ruined motherhood for me. Kids who act out are the outcome of tired parents who can’t deal with the details and I can’t seem to get myself under control, knowing that. My husband is pretty useless so I get zero breaks which makes my anger worse. It’s amazing how a perspective can change so much between two children…

    1. Christina

      This is my life exactly. 2 kids are killing me and while my first child is an angel the second is a complete terror. My life is a nightmare and I’m going on antidepressants ASAP.

  90. I'm so sorry.

    I used to be someone. Yes, deeply flawed and wholly imperfect. But also loving. Empathetic. Fun. And, in discordant hindsight, happy.

    Two children later and I’m nothing but a numb shell of a broken, small woman; a woman incapable of feeling anything more than guilt, sadness, fear, and scorching, belly-burning, all-destructive anger.

    The intruder looking back at me through the mirror isn’t someone I recognize and I’m afraid she’s here to stay.

  91. No life anymore

    I wish this article was more visible for everyone to see, especially women who are thinking about having a child, and for all those men who don’t understand or seem to care… I spent a good long over an hour reading these comments after crying from the fussiness of my 8 month old that led me to a massive stomach cramp from trying to pick him up to calm him down. I went to another room to calm down went to Google just googling around and I’m so thankful I found this article…. finally others out there who feel the way I do! And nobody is being mean or judgemental about it! Thank you all so much for your comments and honesty. Having a child ruined everything, my perfect relationship (my sons father), my body, my friends, my family, my career, just absolutely everything… People always say it’s worth it but really it’s not all you get is stress, aging, lack of sleep, depression, judgement just pure misery! It does not get better when the child gets older either. You’re just not a human anymore! And if the child does something bad or gets hurt or something it’s always the moms fault! Even if the mom was no where near the child. I’m so ashamed to take my son out in public because he behaves like a demon and embarrasses me. I’m not proud of him I love being away from him and dread having to come home to him…. I feel so good when I’m not around him. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, it’s life ruining I don’t see any of it as a blessing at all…. please if you’re ever considering having a child DONT DO IT and the pregnancy, birth, recovery is dreadful! Nothing good comes out of it for women once they turn pregnant…. don’t have kids they will NOT make your life better or filled in any way. You’re better off without the burden.

  92. Tara

    The screams hurt sooooo bad they have made my ears bleed. The screaming and the endless cries… the hitting and thrashing and aggressiveness. The fussiness I can’t stand being a stay at home mommy…. I deal with all the hard work everyday then when my husband comes home our child acts like an angel for him. Always give me the hard time…. this child has took joy out of me loving life… I never get a break or time to myself. I feel miserable. Being a mom has got to be the worsr thing in the world!!!!! ThI judgement, the responsibility, the craziness, the mess, the stinkyness, just everything! I’m tired the lack of sleep drives me nuts. I really don’t want to take care of this child anymore… but I feel like I have to… I feel so alone and don’t have support

  93. Tammy

    its so easy for the men, they go out all the time don’t have to deal with it like we do. All you women in these posts thank you so much for expressing how you feel, before I read all these comments I never heard anyone say the truth because if we do we are horrible people for feeling that way towards such beautiful kids… sound familiar? I get that all the time… :/ it’s stressful because it’s so easy for people to give advice when they’re not the ones who have to go through it…. I hate being a mom…. :,(

  94. Mary

    Finally other mothers who feel like me! Please don’t judge me for how I feel but based from what I read I feel like I can finally express my true emotions towards motherhood. I hate everything about it. My 1st born child is 10 months old and I have not grown attached yet. I know it’s mostly b/c of what my husband put me through. Oh and his family… ever since the baby was born, my husband definitely was never there for me! He used to steal my car to cheat on me he was never home… he claimed he was at work 7 days a week but I found out the truth, that he was fired a long time ago and just used “work” as an excuse to get away b/c he couldn’t handle fatherhood. All these “breastfeeding mommy friends” used to force me to breastfeed which made me uncomfortable they kept barging in my home telling me what to do with the baby and treating me like I had postpartum depression I never had it what’s funny is I was forced to have postpartum depression. Then my husband and I bounced around our families houses finally settled with his side, and he’s still at work 7 days a week while I’m cooped up in a room taking care of this baby all day and night with no help! His family is so mean and judgmental to me they love the baby so much but don’t care that I’m the one that brought him here! Ever since I became a mother I feel like life has literally ended, I feel like I’m not a human anymore or my own individual self. Everywhere I go this baby has to be there with me b/c no one will ever watch him. Every time people see me they always ask about my son and treat me like I’m not a person I feel like I’m only this baby’s robot. I never get out of the house (or this room) I never get time to myself I am always crying and miserable I try to explain my feelings to my husband but he just doesn’t get it and then it leads to nasty arguments. This baby has definitely not been a blessing. I feel like he’s been life ruining. I’m so insecure and hate my weight that I can never lose b/c I always have to watch him. Every time I try to work out in the room that’s when he seems to start to get the fussiest I swear, every time ! He’s very, very difficult to handle. I’m so exhausted and stressed out. I start to feel aggressive so I’m constantly placing him in his crib to sit in another room and calm down a little…. 10 months I’ve been cooped up 24/7 taking care of this baby all by myself. I don’t feel pretty anymore or anything. I’m so depressed. I want to leave but idk how. I try to explain some of my emotions but everyone I talk to about it only says “you’re a mother now you can’t feel that way.” “Breaks? You don’t get one” “Welcome to parenthood” “he’s your child he needs you, you can’t leave him” “Why should the father help if he’s working?” I never get support I only get bashed for feeling the way I do and nobody understands why I don’t want to be a mom anymore… All anyone does is put me down then think horrible of me. I mean can you blame me? I have a husband who is so unfaithful and treats me bad I never NEVER got a break from taking care of this child or help. Never. I was also told to never talk to a doctor about how I feel b/c I would lose custody, the father and his family would get custody and I don’t want or really love this child but I do care about him and for him to be with his father or his family wouldn’t be good. So many reasons especially b/c they only see him as a money/benefits bank…. thank you if you read this far, I appreciate it how would I go about talking to someone about how I feel? I’m scared to b/c I feel like i would lose custody, and once again my husband would win. There’s so many things I didn’t mention b/c I didn’t wanna type an overload but I feel depressed to the point where I can’t take it anymore. Should I just leave and move on or what?

    1. Anonymous

      I totally understand your feelings whole heartedly. I’m so sorry I do not have an answer but I do understand for sure I hope that is eases the pain maybe even a tiny grain of sand amount. Hopefully more. So sorry.

  95. Frances

    I just wanted to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart to everyone of you for sharing your stories and thoughts here. I know that it takes courage.

    If you have time to read, here is my story. I would love to hear what you think.

    My husband and I have been thinking about having kids for a year now. I just turned 38 and we realize that we don’t have much time left. We never dreamed of having children. We back-country ski, climb mountains and do long bicycle trips around the world. We both love our jobs and hope to be able make a positive impact on the world with the work we do. While we both agree that now, this moment, our life is much happier without children, my husband is afraid that we will regret the decision to not have children. I understand, but don’t really share that fear. We are very close, our marriage is passionately happy and supportive and loving and beautiful, so his doubts are my doubts. I would not want him to look back on his life and feel regret, emptiness or sadness about an experience he never got to make. So I am considering having a baby.

    I LOVE children. I think they’re amazing with their innocence and curiosity and wisdom. I love spending time with them; seeing the world through their eyes. I can totally see the beauty in having children. But I know that having one, I would feel like a lot of you are describing here. I would feel shackled and trapped. The idea of the tediousness makes me feel like I can’t breathe. A little person constantly needing me, constantly being there makes me feel panicked. I cannot even imagine it. I love being alone. I love nature and the wilderness. I love change. I need feeling free to feel alive. I love my job. I run my own business and I worked very hard to get where I am now. A baby would probably make it all wither. I’m not far enough along with it that it could keep running with a lot less of my time and attention.

    My husband would try to help, but he would keep his corporate job, leave the house in the morning and come back at night. He does not help with the household now and hasn’t in the 15 years we have been together. I can afford to not nag him about it and just do it (a conscious decision) because it’s do-able with just the two of us. With a kid, I would NEED his help, just to not get lost entirely, and I would need to become the commander-in-chief of this operation. He is easy-going and he is good with big plans, he would always, always be there for the big things, to hold me and support me, he would love me and the baby through all the hard stuff, but he would not be an equal partner in running this ship. I would need to give him orders and tell him to come home from work early, to be on time, what needs to be done and what has to happen next. I would hate to be that person. And I would hate for him to have that wife. I want to support him, not demand things from him. In the end, I probably wouldn’t and would end up doing it all, lose my entire business and feel crazy trapped and resentful.

    If in the end I decide to do it, and it IS my decision, he does not pressure me at all, it would be for him. To make sure he has a full life. To see and feel how being a family man, loving and being loved by our baby, would make him feel complete. For the beautiful moments, for the connection. For the grandness of the whole thing. And because I know that he would love to see me as a mother.

    Long story. Sorry! Thank you again for sharing your stories. I felt crazy before I started reading here, and your courage to talk about a taboo has helped me to at least see legitimacy in my feelings. Thank you! I am sending all of you hugs and love. <3

    1. Christina

      If you can afford help then have the child. You sound like you would be a great mom. You may have a child that can quietly enjoy nature and adventures with you. On the other hand, you may have a needy noisy child that is draining. In either case, having full-time help will be a lifesaver and you can have a career.

  96. Louise

    After reading all the comments I feel relieved that I am not alone in how I feel about motherhood. I decided to have a child for my husband, but I always knew I was not maternal and I probably shouldnt have children. I was right , I have never felt connected to him since he was in the womb and even more so now that he is a year old. Everything about raising a child just feels like an endless chore, I feel now joy in any of it. I have always felt guilty because I was able to have a healthy child and some women struggle to conceive, and I cant stand being around him for long periods of time. The tantrums and the crying are sometimes taxing. I cant stand my job but its an 8 hr break that I dont have to be a mother. I love my son but I often wonder if I made the wrong decision in having a child because my husband wanted one and I made myself believe that I was 100% able to handle it, bottom line ,I wasnt and I can’t . Now I am afraid I will resent both my husband and my child for making me feel trapped and losing a little bit of who I once was.

  97. Kate

    I can’t say how much this article and all the responses mean to me!! I don’t know why you can bitch about your pets, your spouse, your family, and no one questions if you’re sane or still love them- but botch about your kids and suddenly people get very uncomfortable and judgy. It’s bullsh*t.
    I never should have had a kid. My husband ADORES kids. Every time I griped about the idea, he’d say ‘You know you wouldn’t be doing this alone’. And after many years, I decided we could probably raise a kid our own way and it would be ok. That’s not really what’s happened.
    I had a lot of good ‘happy mommy’ hormones at first, so despite everything I could still find the joy and humor in all the crap. But not for a while now. And toddlers are friggin’ INSANE. I’m developing all kinds of physical problems from the stress of a human being screaming, thrashing, and whining in my face every damn day. And I have it better than some because my husband and I work from home so he does watch her when he can. Unfortunately, we both wanted him to be the full-time stay at home parent, but my business started tanking after our baby was born, so now we both work, we’re both tired, we both loose it sometimes- but he still finds so much joy in her, and I don’t.
    I’m gonna be honest: if someone in our families said they would raise her for us, I’d say yes in an instant. An INSTANT.
    I knew I wasn’t cut out for this, and now the nightmares I had about children are all coming true. I knew she’d be a daddy’s girl, but I didn’t think she’d reject me so damn much. How am I supposed to find joy in a job that involves daily screaming to the point it hurts my ears, physical smacking, and my ‘boss’ yelling ‘No, out!’ and slamming doors in my face.
    In any other context this would be an abusive relationship. Yes, I know they are learning and can’t help a lot of that behavior- does that mean I’m somehow supposed to enjoy it??
    And of course my big worry is she’s going to grow up feeling my resentment and be emotionally crippled her whole life, so we get to add in all that useless guilt too.
    It’s crap. Even when there’s not crying and kicking and screaming, it’s inane babble. I’ve never found that cute. And it saddens me I can’t enjoy it, but I don’t.
    And I have no clue how to deal with it. because we’re all in the same boat- we just *have* to do it. I’ve had friends be like ‘Once you just accept the difficulties, then it’ll get easier’. Well, sorry, I don’t accept this part of my life. I don’t know how to accept what affects me so negatively as ‘ok’.
    Let’s just hope that what everyone says- “it goes by so fast!” is TRUE. (And dumbasses I run into, don’t try and tell me I’ll miss this sh*t. I guarantee you I won’t!!)

  98. Ang

    I am so glad I found you all cause I am sick and tired of these mommies who just loooove being pregnant and wouldn’t trade their kids for world. Ugh…. make me want to puke. I call BS on these moms and instead of posting their best moments on Facebook or social media I wish they would just post something more real. I would say I like being a mom maybe 25% of the time. Why am I having another kid, oh ya cause I thought it would be a great idea if they kept each other company…..WTH??!! Stupidity at its finest! Being pregnant is not fun! My vagina hurts as I write this! I am a horrible mom, I don’t enjoy anything that is mom related. The only time I don’t mind my 2 1/2 yr old daughter is when she is watching TV or I let her run loose at the park. I don’t mind playing with her cause I like watching her mind work but everything else sucks. Pretty much from day 3 of being a mom I decided I made a big mistake. I had major breastfeeding problems and ultimately got post partum depression. For months I hated being stuck at home, fat, depressed, and lonely. I literally was stuck on the couch trying to breastfeed every hour and she wouldn’t take a bottle for months. She has been the most difficult eater since birth and still is, she spits food out or hits it away and basically only eats the same 4 things everyday. She screams and doesn’t listen….I frickin hate it! I hate putting her to bed, potty training, brushing her teeth or even changing her diaper. Everything has to be so difficult. I look forward to sleeping or when I can give her to my mother in law. Honestly, if she stayed with her for couple weeks I wouldn’t mind. I am lucky cause I do have someone to watch her but I feel like I am being a horrible mom if I take advantage, like I am the one who should be doing it all. I also do have an understanding, helpful husband but he is gone most of the time and I hate for him to have to do stuff when he does have a little free time. I’d rather being working all the time and have someone else deal with these issues but of course babysitters and daycare are way too expensive. I guess I never really thought this all through or never had anyone just be real with me before I decided to have kids. I feel bad even writing this. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter but I just hate anything that has to do with taking care of her. Stay at home mom thing is not for me, it’s monotonous, tiring, and depressing. I never can do the things I want to do. I feel like I can’t tell anyone how I feel cause they would just think I’m crazy so I am so glad that I have found others who I can relate to.

  99. Doro

    It is so depressing to read…I thought I will feel beter knowing it’s not only me. But I was also hoping it’s going to get better with time. My son is 3, my twin daughters 1. After reading many of the comments, I am losing my hope. It is never going to get better. Well, ok, maybe in 20 years…

    1. Janine

      Yes it will get better. Once the kids go to school you will have the mornings off plus they will sleep through the night. On the weekends make it a rule not to come to your bedroom until after 9am. Teach them early to be as self sufficient as possible. Do NOT do their homework with them. this type of parenting where parents are super involved its very typical for the US. I come from europe and most european mom will agree that american parenting is non sustainable for the sanity of the mom. Let them be bored, give them chores, spank the hell out of them if they are bad and then will learn. You are the adult, you make the rules! Take your life back. The way americans are raising their kids is not good for anyone. They are raising entitled brats. Being strict is ok. Kicking them out of your kitchen when its your coffee break is ok. You dont need to be chained to their ass all day long.

  100. Rebecca

    These posts are the reason why we need to support keeping planned parenthood funded. Its not about choosing life, its going to be YOUR life ending or a bunch of cells.
    I’m a single mother, if I had to do it all over I would not. I hope one day if my daughter finds herself in a tough situation, she will be able to choose
    SAFELY. What we go thru and the bias we and our child faces nobody should have to survive.

    1. Kate

      Rebecca, you’re so right! I can’t imagine anyone who’s anti-abortion EVER actually went through what so many of us do. If people are so pro-life, how about more women’s healthcare, more counseling, (a lot) more time off and support for new mothers.

  101. Betty Lark

    I love this thread. Finally after 56 years I can see that my own Mom hated being a mommy. She loved her kids … but she didn’t like baking cakes and cookies, throwing birthday parties, cooking dinner, meeting our friends and their parents, driving us around, settling arguments, playing catch or cards with us, meeting our teachers, going to our school plays and concerts, etc. I mean she was a warm person, but she never did ANY of that shit, and she didn’t do it with her grandchildren either. Quite a few times she and my Dad took their own vacation and left us kids with a babysitter. They never taught us to do the things they liked to do (bridge, tennis, …).

    And now I understand why! Funny thing is that I always thought that the *other* families were weird because they did all that stuff that our family never did.

  102. Dana Green

    I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I have always loved kids. I’m really, really good with them. I was convinced that I wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world. I never got married and knew that if I didn’t become a mom, it would be the biggest regret of my life. So I decided to adopt a baby as a single mom. I got him as a newborn and Since the day he waa born, I have felt no attachment and no desire to care for him. I do take care of him (and have help), but don’t have any strong desire to be around him. I could be gone all day and don’t look forward to seeing him. I could go away for a week and not miss him. He’s 19 months old and just a lot of damn work. I never have the desire to hug him or kiss him. It’s awful. I worked so hard to get him and now I fear I made a really
    Big mistake.

  103. Nicki

    I never wanted kids. When I had them my entire family was shocked. I now have a 10 and 17 year of from two different relationships. My 17 I had when I was 21 and his father and k never married. He was spoiled and smart and that combination just didn’t match. I worked 2 jobs and put myself through school to establish a career so that we could live a better life. I actually had an appointment scheduled to abort him but his father convinced me otherwise. He’s horrible to the point of physically assaulting me – I had to eventually kick him out. I can’t tell you how betrayed I felt from this child who I willingly sacrificed everything for. Then, I married when he was around 8 and both my husband and I wanted no more kids. But we conceived after a traumatic experience (again I was convinced that I should go through with it) and I did. I thought that maybe since I was older and more established that the child would fair better. I was a better parent but still have a horrible child. We’re not allowed to come to friends’ homes, he’s been banned from playing with kids by parents. And I can’t blame them, if he weren’t mine, I wouldn’t want him around me or other kids either. My husband took a job abroad and now he only visits one week a year, and I’m stuck. Stuck with a disobedient, manipulative, entitled brat that I never wanted. Everyday I sleep hoping not to awake…but everyone just downplays my struggles. My friends and family actually think I’m happy and doing a wonderful job. I cry daily – I don’t even want to look at him. I so hate being a parent. I never should have to begin with.

  104. Broken

    I fantasize about death on a multi-daily basis. I have realized I am not mommy material. I’m horrible at it. It’s so strange to look into the eyes of my children and feel an eminent amount of love, yet want to run for my life at the same time. All of my dreams have been shattered. I have no idea who I am anymore. I can’t even recognize my own face in the mirror. Does anyone out there have a secret to motherhood happiness ??

    1. Nicki

      I wish I did…I feel so guilt for feeling the way I do, but that doesn’t change it. Daily, I just wish this entire life was over.

  105. Worstmomever

    I relate so much to all of you.

    I have a 13mo son. I love him. I do. He’s the most lovely creature that has ever graced my life. But it was such a mistake to become a mother. I realized it when I was still in the hospital, and he wouldn’t stop screaming. The nurses said “Oh, you’ll just get to know his personality. Some babies are harder than others.” I realized that I wanted picture perfect motherhood. I wanted one of the babies that slept in their bassinets and had to be woken up to nurse, not my screaming terror of a baby. He hasn’t gotten easier, either. He’s advanced in many ways, and he seems to be intelligent enough. He’s sweet. But he has an extremely intense personality that sucks me dry.

    My husband is sweet and wants to help in theory, but he’s just oblivious. He goes to the gym after work or makes plans for a camp trip with his buddies or even just fucks around on his phone while the baby is crying….because I always take care of it. Every morning I wake up, dread the day, and count down the minutes to nap time and then bedtime. I hate the baby songs, playing with the stupid shape sorter, I hate getting snacks and meals ready, I hate the whining and crying. I hate that he always wants to be ON me or right next to me. Sometimes I close the baby gate and hide in the kitchen. Listening to the screams is worth it to just be alone for a moment.

    My own childhood was shitty. I actually wanted kids so I could be a good mother, unlike my own. But I’m realizing that I’m becoming my mother. Drinking wine after bedtime every night has pretty much turned me into a full-fledged alcoholic. I’m suffering severe depression and anxiety. Meds and therapy don’t even touch it. The only thing that turns the volume down is the booze. My poor son, as miserable as he makes me, doesn’t deserve a mentally ill boozehound for a mother. Even my oblivious husband deserves a loving healthy partner.

    I’ve seriously considered suicide, and I’m weirdly envious of terminally ill people, but death frankly scares me too much. I’ve pretty much given up on my own happiness at this point. I’m just trying to keep my shit together so I don’t ruin my son’s life also. This wasn’t his fault.

    1. JD

      You are not the worst mom ever! Not even close. You clearly put your son’s needs above your own and care that he is okay.

  106. Bad Mom

    I also hate being a mom. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who I love, but I hate motherhood. Everything with my son is a struggle, every day, and it never changes. I hate getting up every morning because I have to be a mom. I miss my pre-child life so much and often think I made a huge mistake by having a child. The endless whining, being repeatedly kicked during diaper changes, being hit with fists and toys, destroying everything in our house, he always runs away from me and won’t stay with me, the constant meltdowns and tantrums, endless questions, he resists everything that we do…He is NEVER content. I don’t enjoy any of it and no one understands me. Everyone I know thinks motherhood is wonderful and can’t understand why I would possibly feel this way. People just tell me things will get better eventually, which I absolutely hate hearing because it does nothing to help me now! It makes me crazy to think I will be in this situation for years. When tell my husband, he is very disappointed in me and thinks being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to him. He is my only child and I will never have another one because I cannot fathom going through this again. I’ve been to my GP so many times because of this situation. I take Lexipro, which has been upped several times- but I’m not even sure that it helps because I feel the exact same way and can’t handle the constant stress. I have also seen a counselor, which has done nothing to help. No matter how many times I hear that I am a good mom and doing a great job will not change the way my son acts. I don’t see how my feelings will ever change unless I am not under this constant stress that never ends. I feel terrible that I hate being a mom, but nothing about having someone work against you all the time is fun to me. I fear that eventually my son is going to hate me because I cannot deal with motherhood. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about leaving my life behind so I never have to deal with any of this again. I feel like motherhood has RUINED my life. I HATE BEING A MOM!

  107. Misery

    I hate being a mother. I hate that I am responsible for their happiness. I stand in the kitchen, cooking food for them that they won’t eat. I have to sweep and mop up bullshit from the floor multiple times a day or else the floor will look like a truck stop bathrooms. I have to continually wash dishes and track down spoons, bowls, plates and cups from where they wonder off throughout the house eating and spilling their shit. If I don’t clean their room every single day, there will be dishes, piles of clean clothes mixed with dirty ones on the floor, food crumbs, gogurt packs and juice boxes all over the place. They are both old enough to wipe their asses, but they will still sit on the toilet screaming, “I poo pooed!!!!” Waiting and expecting me to come wipe their asses. My husband screams at me first thing in the morning about his hairbrush missing from the bathroom because the kids take it. He screams about his favorite jeans not being washed and hung in the closet. I hate my husband.

    My kids yell at me and tell me, “No” and they refuse to do anything that I tell them.

    I hate the school runs. I hate the interaction with school authorities and the fact that my child’s grades are my responsibility.

    I hate that I do without everything so that my kids can have. One of their jackets costs more than my entire outfit.

    I hate that I can’t go anywhere without them aside from the grocery store when my husband bitches about how long it takes me to buy groceries.

    My kids scream and throw tantrums to go to their grandparents house and it is very clear that they love their grandparents more than they love my husband and I. As soon as they get old enough to move out, they will go live with them. And what am I doing all of this sacrificing for? For what? Why have I given up everything to raise these kids who are not grateful in the least and would not shed one tear if I died today?

    I fantasize about packing and leaving and never coming back. My husband would have me replaced at the blink of an eye and my children would become burdens to another woman.

    I do not hate my children. They did not ask to be born. I resent myself for ever wanting children. I do not know what I was thinking.

    I was young when I had them and I was madly in love with my husband and at the time I thought it would be a great idea to give some of that love to a child who was half me and half my husband. Fast forward to 6 years later and I just want to straight up shoot my previous self between the eye balls and never have had to live through this bull shitting worst phase of my entire life.

    As another woman said, she feared that this would not get better. In my experience, it gets worse as they get older.

    To you mother’s who have newborns and you already hate motherhood, buckle the fuck up because shit just gets worse and worse.

    To you mother’s who are pregnant and wondering if motherhood is all bows and sugar balls, it absolutely is fucking not. Abort, abort, abort. Run girl run!!!!!!!! Do not ruin your life with a child. A child will NOT make your life BETTER.

  108. No one

    The thought of suicide brings solace to me. I think about offing myself daily.

    I used to have a life. I loved travelling. The act and the thought of it excites me. Now, I can’t even predict what one day is going to look like. My 20 month old doesn’t sleep through the night so therefore we don’t sleep. My sleep is disturbed constantly and for those of you who know, this creates mental issues.

    I am the heaviest I have ever been. I used to have a figure that women envied. Now, I’m so tired that I don’t even bother exercising. I used to have the drive and motivation aND now all I do is live for my son. My spouse goes to work but ends up at the bar just gawking at the slutty bartenders. I have a feeling he’s cheating on me.

    I’m just miserable. I used to live.

    Now I feel like I’m dying daily.

  109. jo

    Aye thats true that if you didnt think having children was going to be so great then you probably wouldnt feel guilty for not enjoying it much, i always thought it seemed like alot of stress having a baby or child, i didnt really want a child because of that reason and i got preg accodentally so i always felt it was going to be terrible an it was kinda the baby screaming was worst thing for me i hated him crying it just stressed me out so much an not being able to stop him crying was just like arrggh, he got easier in some ways as stopped crying so much but hes nearly 4 an has tantrums still an i still feel stressed an like i dont want to look after him anymore most days when im getting stressed, his stubborness an him ignoring me or arguing with me about everything gets on my nerves, iit makes me wish he was a baby again as a baby cant speak back or throw things , but really i know that the baby stage was harder really but i look back on it an forget how much stressed out i felt then as i just want him to sit still as he used to do as a baby lol

  110. Andrea

    I am having one of those days when I question why I agreed to have kids. I gave up my career when my daughter was born six and a half years ago. Financially it was the only way as, between day care, taxes and general cost of living I would have been paying to work. Now we have two kids and I feel like a maid. Not just to my kids, but to my husband. I know I should feel grateful that he’s able to support our family, but I don’t. I hate that my degree and life experiences from before I had kids mean jack shit in the eyes of the world at large. I hate that I’m supposed to be content wiping asses, cleaning messes, cooking meals they refuse to eat, breaking up fights, and being a shuttle bus. I’m starting back to work part time this school year and am more excited than I have been in years.

  111. Newby

    @FoxyMoxy. I was 32 when I felt exactly like you do and decided to have a baby. The tipping point for me was the fear of regretting missing ‘the experience’. I never thought through what ‘the experience’ would entail. I wish I’d taken my friends’ stories more seriously or looked more closely at websites like this one. I don’t love being a mother. Many days, I hate it. The boy is almost six months, he’s healthy and happy, and pretty much perfect except for still waking up 3-5 times a night looking for food. I need my sleep, and the exhaustion is killing me. My mood is almost entirely dependent on how many hours of sleep I’ve gotten, but at this point, I’m so far behind that I’m sunk into a semi-permanent funk. I have so many friends who have it worse than me, but even with a healthy, happy child, it still sucks. I’m a stay at home mom until we feel he’s old enough to be safe/happy at daycare. I’ve got a college degree, and I’m bored out of my mind. I’ve got spreadsheets of his eating and sleeping habits, because I hoped if I parsed the mess of his habits for data that I’d find some pattern that I could magically turn into good sleep (note: I failed). I’ve found that having a creative hobby helps, so I try to do something creative every day. I meditate for 20 minutes a day (using an app called headspace). I try to be lively and engaged with my son. Those are the things I have to do to keep my sanity. Everything else: cooking, cleaning, exercising, reading, is icing on the cake when I get to it. My husband helps clean on weekends, which keeps the house from looking like a war zone. No more kids for us. One is enough. I’ve had ‘the experience’. In a close, parallel universe an alternate version of me decided not to have a kid and is as happy or happier than I am. I am content with my decision, because it is who I am now, but if I had known then what I know now, I likely would have decided otherwise. I love my son madly. I would never wish him out of existence, but I can’t believe that he somehow needed to exist if I had chosen otherwise. If you can, maybe spend more time with babies and toddlers. Get to know what it means to change a diaper every hour, wake up every two hours for weeks on end, be within 15 feet of a child for a full day. Find a friend or a friend of a friend and offer to come over and watch their kid while they take a nap. They will be more grateful than you can imagine, and you’ll start to get some idea of what the reality is like.

  112. FoxyMoxy

    I am 34 and have been having a really hard time trying to figure out if I want to become a mother. Sure my fertility won’t just be unceremoniously interrupted but at 34, it is declining. Some days I feel like I will regret becoming a mother and other days, I feel like i will regret it if I do! I cry all the time and feel depressed often. My mate is 40 and has a son who is 20 and a new grand daughter. He is not adamant that he he doesn’t want a child but can says that he can be totally satisfied with just me. If he does it, I think it will be mostly because (sometimes) i express that I really want it. Even entertained breaking up with him because he wasn’t adamant that he wanted a child. I feel like a crazy person because there seems to be so much more things I would hate about being a mother (irreparable damage to my body, pain of child birth, not being able to sleep uninterrupted through the night, not being able to sleep in, not being able to have quite moments to myself. feeling like a walking cow (ie breastfeeding),like I would suffer from postpartum d depression, loss of spontaneity and mobility , cost of daycare, not being to spend as much on myself…I think I would actually be resentful..The reason that I may want to have a child? Fear. Fear that I will feel left out, fear that my home will feel empty…fear that I will regret it if I don’t. I am so torn and so afraid..someone. I have not heard of anyone having such varying feelings about motherhood. I think people generally adamantly want them or they don’t. The fact that i see so much cons to becoming a mother is what scares me the most and makes me feel like i am someone who should not become a parent. PLEASE HELP ME.

    1. Ang

      I never ever wanted to have kids until I turned 33. My thinking was what if something happened to me or my husband there would be no one to continue on or keep the other person company. So that was my only reason. I never had a maternal desire to have children. The more I thought about having kids I thought, well I hate every job I’ve every had maybe this will be my “thing” and I I’ll be really good at being a mom. Boy was I wrong! I should have listened to my gut and should not have had kids. I am a selfish person, I like to go anywhere whenever I want and now I can’t. Everything you do has to be for your children. So unless you have the luxury of affording daycare or a babysitter so you can get away for yourself then maybe that’ll help but I would say listen to your gut. Make sure your partner is going to be involved and helpful cause I would have shot myself if I had to do this alone or had a deadbeat husband like some of these other women here. It’s such a hard decision cause there are so many factors involved. If it helps I read somewhere that parenthood is worse than a divorce or even death of a partner….yikes! I think I also read somewhere that like 80% of people are more unhappy in their marriage after having kids.

    2. Meri

      Damn girl, did you ever figure it out? I feel exactly the same. 34 later this year. Feeling like I should have just gone ahead and done it when I was younger and had more energy.

  113. SRC

    I hate being a mother. I love my daughter, who is 3.5 years old, but I absolutely HATE!!!!! being a mother. My daughter is ADHD – I’m 99% sure of it – my husband was, too. I’m taking her in to have her evaluated because she’s way off the charts energy-wise with other kids her age. It’s exhausting – and I mean literally I walk around feeling like I’m braindead most of the time. I haven’t been out on a date with my husband since she was born because we can’t afford to pay someone to watch her, and have no family we can rely on to watch her (and keep up with her – they aren’t used to dealing with a kid like that). When she’s being good, she’s so cute and sweet, but when she’s throwing a fit about something, or spazzing out – which is most of the time- it’s horrible. And I feel horrible because I’m so grumpy and snappish at her, and I don’t WANT to be, but I’m so tired and I need a serious break from everything and I know I’ll never get it. My husband and I never planned on/thought we could have kids, but obviously we had one – we had her in our mid 30s and I feel like I’ve literally aged 15 years in the past 3. I look horrible, I feel awful, I’m tired, I’m depressed and have no money to get help for that, I hate waking up in the morning because I know what I have to deal with for 14 straight hours (yep, she gave up naps at 18 months, no hour-long break here) and it’s nothing but laundry, messes, chaos, whining, and tedium. Being a mom is so boring, too – the bulk of my conversation is with a 3 year old. I never get to go out and talk to people, I have no friends, I feel like I live in a cage. My husband helps out more than most guys, but he works a lot and is gone a lot. I love my kid, she’s silly and smart and has her moments of being adorable, but she can be such a terror and I regret having a child. I really do. I think of all the things I could be doing and will never do again – simple things like going out for some coffee with a friend or my husband, or going to the library by myself, or having a date night- and I just want to cry. I’ve ruined my life, and worse – I think I’m ruining my daughter’s life by being such a crabby, resentful mother who hates every moment of the “job”.

    1. No one

      I hate being a mom as well. I don’t have an identity anymore. I live and breathe for my son. He doesn’t sleep through the night therefore I don’t sleep. I can not predict even the next day. I hear you about the aging. I swear I’ve aged 10 years. My only outlet is smoking. I used to train for marathons aND work out. My focus was health and wellness. Now I’m just getting by. I used to love travelling…now that’s impossible with my son. Just leaving the city to go to ikea 30 minutes away will throw his schedule into a tizzy. It’s totally fucked. People are liars. I’ve got a married couple who are having a baby in January and am dying to just be honest with them. Smash their dreams and tell them the truth. No more travel, no more sex, no more life goals, no more betterment of yourselves. Just plain, old misery.

  114. O

    Thank you all for your honest opinions. I wish more people were honest like you all are. So many people say “it’ll be worth it” but it really isn’t, especially since I don’t hate kids to begin with. I hate that people say “you’ll feel differently when they’re yours.” I think it’s worse when it’s yours forever and you can’t give it back or escape.

    For what it’s worth, thank you for your honesty and you probably rescued me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Life is good right now and I need to fight to preserve that.

    I hope things get better for each and every one of you. Please do not keep your thoughts inside. Share them with others, be it to vent, to commiserate, to warn others, to be honest with yourself, to get help… so many reasons to keep telling your story.

    Thank you.

  115. Anonymous

    I’m so glad I found this article! I felt like I was the only person who felt this way. I have a 2.5 year old and I love her to death but she seems to be the hardest child to raise. She’s been extremely whiny since day 1 and doesn’t listen or sleep through the night anymore. She’s barely slept through the night since she was born and I cherished when she did although she wakes up at 6 daily. My spouse is very good with helping so I can’t complain there but since about a year ago all I can think about is just running away from it all. I could never live with myself if I did that but there’s no other way to escape. I feel so guilty about the stuff that goes through my head especially because I had baby fever and thought I wanted this but it’s truly not for me. I feel like a complete failure. I guess this is also what happens when you think having a baby will complete you. I just hope that these feelings will go away and things will start to go better.

  116. Momlife

    I am burnt out from motherhood. My husband and I have 2 kids, age 9 and 3. When my first son was born, I was amazed by him, and I was on a natural high. Over the years, I have become tired of mommyhood, because we have no help to watch them. My husband and I have no siblings, his parents are dead, my dad is dead, and my mom lives in assisted living home, so she can’t help. So, its just us raising the kids. I heard “it takes a village to raise a child”, well we need our own village! I never realized how exhausting and expensive kids are. I miss it when it was just hubby and I. We could go to movies whenever we wanted, or just sneak away. We used to have plenty of rest. I dread when school starts because I know every evening is hectic, with homework, dinner, baths, and bedtime. I hate to be so negative, but it’s exhausting.

    1. Denise

      When I became a mom me and my mom fell out. So now, I have no one. My in-laws are shitty grandparents and seem to always look like deer in headlights when they finally come to see my twins and they have no idea who they are. I can only get my mother in law to watch my children if I offer to pay. Not having a village makes parenting so much harder, everyday is a struggle for me.

  117. koi

    Omg Iv’e been feeling guilty for feeling this way but I hate it ! i love my daughter but i hate picking up after other ppl all the damn time and the putting to sleep part is the worst lol omg just glad other feel as I do sheesh. i miss my old life no care in the world but myself

  118. A

    I hate being a mum i just hate waking up and seeing her shes so annoying i never imagened it to be like this , she pushes all my buttons and no one else sees it , ive told my mum how i feel she thinks i need help and my partner also thinks im out of order for saying how i feel , ive started pretending infront of him that i love her but i really honestly dont , i just dont know what to do , why do i feel like this , i stay at home with her all day as soon as its 6 i wake up to feed her then she wants to start playing im so tired i just cant spend another day with her , shes 1year old would it ever change would i ever love her , i dont know but for sure if i had the chance to rewind my life i would and i wouldnt have kids

  119. Lost

    Motherhood is the biggest sham ever. At least I’m smart enough to stop at one child unlike 99% of the other saps who hate parenting.

  120. meish

    I feel the same way!! I have a 4 yr old and a 3 month old and Im always like “what was I thinking” my 4 year old is so independent and super chill and cool but now i have this cute chubby face who will not sleep at night and he is dependant on me. Ive started all over again. My fiance and I work at the same job but I work from home and because he has to actually drive he claims to always be tired but will make sure to go to a friends house to play the game. He does try to help but my son cries and he can’t soothe him and my daughter wont let anyone put her to sleep but me. Ive never been outside my city and im 30. My Fiance has been all over. I dont even like kids lol!! I feel trapped and I feel guilty….what’s a girl to do???

  121. Natalie

    I am 31 years old and got marriedat 29. I never really liked children, but I thought that once I will get married, it will be the ultimate purpose of my life having children. We tried to have this child for 7 months, I went to the doctor, we became like robots, having sex to procreate. I hated my life even back then but I thought once I got pregnant everything will be wonderful. I finnally did in december, but a nightmare began. I was so sick for 4 months, every day I cried and wished I waa dead. I resent everything related to pregnancy and motherhood. I feel better now, but I hate my doughter even if she is not born yet. In fact all the babies make me sick, I can’t stand them. I only imagine that things will get worse after birth, a continouous routine of eat, shit, cry and very little sleep. I used to be such a happy person and loved my freedom. I resent my parents an society for making me believe that it is my ultimate life goal to procreate. My husband does not understand what I am going trough. I hate my child everytime she moves inside of me. I imagine she is a giant ugly frog. I wish she would just dissapear and my life would go back as it was before. I am planning to give her to my parents when she gets 1 year old and see her only 2 or 3 times a month. My parents live in another town and they are desperately waiting to know her. Thats the only thought that keeps me from doing anything stupid, I have never felt so desperate and full of hate and anxiety. I used to be a faithfull person, but now I can’t even pray. I feel guilty for my feelings, but cannot control them deep in my heart. I never ever imagined something like this was possible, but I hate her. I wouldn’t feel any remorse just giving her away to anyone the first day after birth.

  122. Shannon

    My bf commutes to the city and is gone all the time. He’s home for an hour at night before he goes to sleep. On the weekends he wants me time and gives me a problem if I want to go out. I work from home in sales and need to ship items on Saturdays and can’t even do that because he doesn’t want baby duty. He jokes about me slacking on my responsibilities. Says it’s my job since I stay at home. Says its so easy and he would switch places with me in a second. I told him ok let’s break up. That way you can have him half the time and I’ll be able to function and get the break I need. He said he wants fills custody then. I replied you wouldn’t be able to handle him for one weekend lol and he was quiet. He had no response because he knows that’s very true. He would not be able to do this on us own. He won’t even be able to do this for a few days alone. And he keeps working more and more and ignores us. It’s to the point that I want to leave. I feel like a single mom he’s gone so much. What’s the point?

  123. WhoCares

    I have a three month old and I think about suicide daily. I can not get over how hard this is. I always heard how hard it is but not really from friends and family surprisingly. No one elaborates on how it feels like your life is over. Everyone is just a fuckin liar from what I see.

    I’m the first out of my friends to get pregnant. And 2 I know are pregnant right now. I tried expressing my feelings to them but they change the subject real quick. It’s like they don’t believe me or don’t want to hear how hard it is because it’s about to happen to them. If I was pregnant right now I would be listening!!! I wish I had someone like me to tell them the nitty gritty truth.

    Everyone keeps telling me I have postpartum depression. NO- this is going to be FOREVER depression. I really made a mistake. My baby is beautiful and loving but he sucks. I’m NEVER going to sleep again. All I need is sleep. But a ridiculous amount. I never want to wake up again.

    What I really can’t understand is why everyone is such a fucking liar! Everyone posts all these pictures on Facebook about how great life is with their baby. I’ve taken hardly any photos so far. I post them and he’s posed and it’s just one big fucking show. And the few real pics I’ve taken I’ve decided to keep for me and my SO eyes only. Why is this? It’s like I’m conditions by what I see all these other moms doing lol.

    For some reason I hide it online. Probably because I’m embarrassed that I hate it this much. I was real excited during pregnancy so it’s embarrassing to talk about this.

    I’m getting really nasty towards others especially the general public when we’re out. Some lady asked in a funny coo voice, “Is that a baby in there”? Looking at my car seat in the cart. I snapped “Ya think?!” And she backed away.

    I’ve started “keeping it real” and I’m not hiding how I feel. I limp in stores because my c section still really hurts when I’m pushing the damn cart and why the fuck am I hiding that???? This is what having a baby really is and I’m gonna tell the prego mom in target my c section infection horror story if I damn wel feel inclined to! If I’m not happy that day I’m certainly not smiling and I’m certainly not answering questions about his name and age to randoms at the damn store. My face tells them to fuck off.

    I can’t believe I felt I needed to get pregnant. I’m 32 but really I should have waited until I was 40 or just not at all. I’ve been pump on daily and the hormones tell my brain I already want another baby even though I can’t handle this one! I asked my SO when we should have the next! It’s just the hormones!

    As I was writing this I fed my baby and he shit the couch btw. And I’m exhausted… so so exhausted.. Yes I can’t shut my damn mind off to “sleep when the baby sleeps” like every asshole suggests.

    I hate my life. And I keep thinking about ways out. Like if I ran away how much money would I need to live. Where I would start over. I’m ok with not talking to any of the people I know including all my family. The baby would be better off with a family who wants him anyhow. I’ve started yelling at him during the day like “shut the fuck up” “be quiet” etc and I can’t believe the words when they come out! He’s only 3 months! I know I’m selfish but this is my life here and it will end and I will have regretted it. I’m not going to hide and pretend like all these other bullshit perfect moms. This is misery

    1. SRC

      I really do think you might want to get professional help. It’s one thing to hate being a mom, *I* hate being a mom, but if you’re screaming obscenities at a 3 month old… the toddler years are worse. So much worse. I would hate to think that screaming turns into physical abuse – and that’s not a judgement, it’s a concern. Adoption, maybe? But please, get some help before it gets to that point.

    2. Denise

      You sound like me, being a mom is so miserable to me that I rarely post or talk about them on social media because I would feel like it would be all a lie. ‘Like, look here, my kids are so perfect, I love being a mom’. Bullshit, I hate every part of it. I love them dearly but I HATE being a mom. I cry at least 3-4 times a week, I haven’t been happy for 3 years now but I deal with it — “this is my life now” is what I constantly have to tell myself.

  124. Momof3

    I am a mom of three beautiful sons. I have been married to a good guy for 18 years. But here is the thing. I got married young, into a religion I hate. My husband is a rule follower, and doesn’t take well to making mistakes, changing things, or being spontanious. Most of his life is run by guilt. By duty. Things have to be planned out. He moved his parents in with us to care for them, which was sweet of him. But he never gave a second thought to me or his family, and how that would impact our lives. He never once asked me if it was okay. It’s been 10 years of living with them. Taking care of a father in law I hate, who’s a prejudiced prick. Brothers who don’t really help, and come when they pleased. I had to make boundaries. And now there in some tension. Im living another life thats not mine. It took more than 10 years to get him to understand me, why I cant work an office job (Im a creative person). He’s supportive now, but It took 16 years to finally live my dream of becoming a published author, an artist, and creative human being because I was afraid of what he thought. After all, he went to college, my parents said. He comes from a good family, everyone tells me. He’s good for you. And he is. But its very hard to live with your stark opposite. I’m sure that living with me is hard too, as I am high maintainance sometimes. Yesterday, I was breezing through photographs of cute pixie cuts, looking into maybe cutting my hair. His first response was, “Your not really going to cut your hair like that are you?”

    Everything is negative and its hard to be myself. A sarcastic comment behind a joke to hide the truth. He’s a great dad. A better parent than me. He’s a good guy, and I love him deeply, but I am at my breaking point. I see these mothers on TV that blow their families away. And I hate to say, that I get it. I would never do it, but I get how bad it can get. I understand how giving your life to others would break you. Some people should never be parents. I hate to say, Im probably one of them.

    I have three boys that are darlings. I am a strict mom. They have manners. They are good kids. One though has ADD, Anxiety disorder and OCD. He is very hard to handle. My kids talk 24/7. There are constant appointments. Constant games to remember, allergies, medications. There are never ending piles of laundry. Snarky comments about food. Never ending open ended questions about things like spiders and why dogs are brown. Im not organized. I am not suburbia. I am hobo. I am paint on the walls.

    There are times I find them endearing and I like being around them. I find them funny, and cute, and I would jump off a cliff to save them. I am a fun mom. But thats where my good traits as a mom end. Its crippled by the fact, that my husband had a great mom. And I know he is always comparing me to her in his mind. She was amazing. But then, that was what she was meant to do. To be. She did it well and I will never be that person. What a let down. To be in love with someone who will never meet your criteria, no matter how much you tell yourself its okay.

    But what if I did all of this, got married. Had kids. All because I thought I had to? I have a controlling mother, who tried to sabotage my military career. Who judges my hairstyles, who thinks Im crazy for writing smutty books and playing roller derby. Im tired of being judged. By my mother. By the “Jokes” my husband tells. I hate going home to see my parents. I hate staying here. Summer has been brutal so far. I am trying to find joy in spending time with them. I actually enjoy it half the time. Its the other half that makes me think, that killing myself would be a better solution to the mother they got stuck with. I would be immortilized and looked on fondly, instead of the mother they resent, and made them go to therapy. The mother that cant handle herself, let alone them. A mom who cant not snip at them, yell at them, or grow tired of their questions. A mom who has a constant need to be alone, to want to run away, and never go back. But a mom that cant do that, because no matter how much I think this isn’t who I am, its what I chose, despite the reason why, and leaving them, not seeing them grow, would break me.

    Its hard being 2 people. These two people who I cannot seem to come to terms with. The one that needs them, all of them, and the one who should have never been allowed to have them. I am torn. I am torn between the life that could be, vs. the life that could never be. Between the husband I need so badly, he is the air that I breathe, but the one who really shouldn’t be living with a person like me. Between the mom who can sqeeze her kids so tight she would take the air right out out of them, vs the mom who can’t even sit at a dinner table with them.

    I am a horrible mom.

  125. Angel

    I have a 8 year old and a 6 year old. I got married at 19 (due to religion) and pregnant at 20. I never wanted kids, marriage…yes but kids…no. I’m one of those adults who hates children. I find them gross and extremely annoying. I hated being a mom that I had my tubes tied after my second child…it was in all honesty….the happiest day of my life. I look at my body and hate the changes pregnancy and 2 c sections have done. I feel like a existing robot who is just there to take care of housework and look after everyone else. I’m 30 now…and I feel like life has passed me by. I am a good mom in the caretaker role. My kids are looked after, they never lack and have lots of friends. I don’t let my personal feelings show, but I feel like I’m suffocating. I feel depressed…I’m tied of daily chores and being called mommy. If I wasn’t born into a stupid religion things would be been different. But now my life is on hold…daycare is too expensive and I couldn’t be bothered with the drop off and mindless chatter with adults who are obsessed with parenting. I wish I never had kids…I’m tired of being a mom and I can’t wait till they grow up. There’s no answer because once a kid is born…they’re here. There’s no out. It’s done…and you can’t be honest with feelings of regret unless you are typing on a website like this one.

    1. Brittany

      Hi! I’m replying to you because we have so much in common. My daughter just turned 8 and my son will be 6 in March. I got married at 19, and I’m currently 30. I also had 2 c-sections. You blame your misery on your religion, but I’m just as miserable as you are abdc my kids and marriage were planned (Well the first pregnancy was). Anyhow, I hope things have gotten better since your last post. I’m currently locked in must bedroom crying as I listen to my 8 year old throw a bitch fit. I’m sick of it all and I fantasize about running away and restarting my life.

  126. Christina K.

    I’m so glad I decided to Google this topic. I HATE BEING A MOTHER! I’m a widow and I have a 14 year old, a 13 year old, and a 5 year old. Most times I want to hold myself under water until the bubbles stop. They are ungrateful, and messy, and stinky, and annoying, and rude, and entitled, and the teenage boys are horny all the time and jizz on my towels. They don’t listen to shit I say and have the nerve to look at me like I’m crazy when I start screaming. If I had a rewind button I’d push it so fast and go back to the day before I met my husband and run!! The killer part about this is I love them all to death. I feel like I’m having a chemical imbalance most days but I really do love them. The thought of them dying almost makes me hyperventilate. But I really hate being responsible for 3 other lives other than my own. My mother used to call me selfish and now that I’m living the most self-sacrificing life I’ve ever lived I’m inclined to believe her!

    1. Diana

      You’re NOT selfish. You’re a human being who needs to get her sanity back and have time to love herself and take care of herself for a change. You’re not selfish at ALL.

  127. Hayley

    I hate motherhood. I was told repeatedly after a severe allergic reaction that I would never have kids. And then one day, doom. “Miracle” baby. She’s two now and I’m now a single mom. I have no help. I’ve spent a total of maybe 24hr away from her, her whole life that wasn’t me at work. I was a party girl before she was born, trashed my credit and dropped out of college and now that I have to take care of her all I do is lay awake at night thinking that I should’ve never dropped out of college or signed that lease, or left her father sooner or hell, Never had her in the first place. I haven’t had a real place to call home in five years and as a party girl, I didn’t mind. I went where the wind took me. But will my girl, I feel like a failure and a terrible person and a burden on whichever family member I’m living with this week. I no longer have dreams or aspirations other than to have a two bedroom something for me and my daughter. And I hate it. She has a temper and is strong willed. I can’t go out in public without her throwing a giant fit every single time. I can no longer enjoy ANYTHING. Not my friends, not dinners out. Nothing. I can’t date anymore because no man is good enough in my eyes to step up and be a good father figure while simultaneously being a good partner to me. I feel myself become less of the person I was (and I adored who I was as a person) and I am turning into a more bitter and unhappy woman who only makes sure my daughter is happy and healthy. I hate myself. I love her, but I don’t like her and I don’t like raising her alone. I don’t like kids to begin with and I was elated when I thought I’d never have them. I don’t want to feel like this. But being with my child, day in and day out, I know I will only become more resentful and lose more of me along the way until I’m nothing more than a bitter shell once she’s grown and leaves in a whirlwind that she came in on in the first place…

  128. Nik

    I am soooo lonely. I think I hate being a mom because of how lonely I am. Yes, my 4 year old is the biggest pain in the ass and I have to take care of her all the time, but I don’t think that’s the beginning of my hatred for being a mom. I am a teacher so when I leave her for the day I get to spend the rest of my day with 11 and 12 year olds. I barely speak to adults. I have amazing childhood girlfriends but we have moved more than and hour from one another and getting together seems to take much planning and it becomes an event. I grew up in the 80s when family and friends came to visit without calling. When my mom actually had company on a weeknight. Everyone worked 9-5, many moms stayed home and family lived close. Today, most families in my area have two working parents and at least one of them leaves at 6am and comes home after 7. I miss company. I want someone to knock on my door, tell me they were in the neighborhood, and sit on my porch while the kids play for at least an hour. That’s it, just one hour. That’s all I want.
    Also, when I was a kid I didn’t play with my mom. What the frig is that about? I left the house, roamed the neighborhood until I found some friends to play with, and made sure I was home before the street lights came on. My mom wasn’t friends with my friends’ parents. My mom didn’t entertain me or drive me around all day to scheduled events. I walked to the field for practice at 7 years old and walked home. Mom never drove me to school. I walked with my brothers starting in Kindegarten. Parenting today is a job. My daughter whines that she wants kids to come over. Me too. I love when kids come over. Destroy the house, have fun, entertain each other, fight and makeup. I don’t care. Just leave me alone. I use to ride my bike up and down the block, no helmet or padding. If I fell I got up. Sometimes I went home crying got fixed up and went back out to play. Today, I walk the block while she is the only kid on her bike. We go down the street and she says she’s tired. She’s not tired. She’s bored because I’m 40 and not as interesting as another kid on a bike that could possibly be someone to race or build a ramp with. Helicopter parenting absolutely sucks. I hate it. Saturday mornings I want to scream go out and play, go get dirty, climb a tree, scrap your knees, get in lots of trouble, and have fun! But I can’t. There are no kids. I take her to the park and it’s sometimes empty. A park on a weekend. Are you kidding me? I’ve been saying how bad I feel that she is lonely and it dawned on me. I’m the lonely one. Every second of my life is watching over her. I hate it. I don’t want to. Society makes it that way. I have reached out to other women practically begging them to come over. Play date. Dumbest term ever. I’m about to put a flyer in her preschool saying “free babysitting”. Drop your kid off and go have a day out. This way my daughter can actually play with an age appropriate person and I can get some time to think. No. We can’t do that. It’s too dangerous. Mom has to come too and we need to be besties.
    My sister had kids before me and she was always complaining about cleaning and chores that can’t get done. I didn’t understand. My mom had 6 kids and my house was the cleanest in the neighborhood. She did laundry every single day in a shared laundry mat in our apartment complex. I remember watching her run back and forth to put in fabric softener, start a new load, and fold. Now I get why my sister was complaining. My mom did all those things while I was playing or at pact ice. She didn’t stay at my practices. She used that time to food shop and run errands. Today, you would be judged as a neglectful parent if you dared to leave your child at the field at such a young age.

    If it was 1980 I would probably have more kids. I would get to be a mom and watch my child grow from a little bit of a distance. But in 2016 that’s not going to happen. I am so tired of watching over her all the time.

    I find myself being mean to her when my nerves are shot. I’m in her bed now. She’s snoring and her little face is so damn cute in the light from my phone. An hour ago, I actually had total hatred for her. Brushed her teeth, came to bed, and out of no where complete tantrum about how hungry she is. My brother is visiting and his perfect little 1 1/2 year old is already sleeping. So, embarrassing. His wife is probably dying that my daughters screams will wake him. That’s probably not true, but I’m so exhausted I can’t even think straight. I grabbed her and said some not so nice things. I may have even used some not so nice language. I can’t help it. I ignored her and just sat here while she tantrumed. Then out of no where “mommy are you mad. I just want you to be happy. I love you, don’t be mad”. All she wanted was a yogurt. What was the big deal? Why did I make it a big deal? I said no and because I am so sick of saying no and her not listening I just kept saying no. It was so stupid. She fell asleep 2 minutes after I let her have the yogurt and said the sweetest things before closing those eyes. It was just a yogurt. I should have said yes to start with. I said no because that meant 5 more minutes of me being in that damn kitchen. Now I hear my husband snoring and I’m sitting here venting instead of going to bed myself. Why bother though. She will be poking me in the eye in about an hour or two and I’ll just be back here, squished into her little twin bed. I am hating him right now.
    Sorry for all the bad grammar and spellings. Don’t judge me as a teacher. I’m just ranting. Time to try to get some sleep and do it all again tomorrow. Ugh.

    1. Sandrag

      Hi there.

      If it was 1980 I would probably have more kids. I would get to be a mom and watch my child grow from a little bit of a distance Great quote. Love that. And u r absolutely right.

      I have 6 year old twin boys and my husband and I want to shoot ourselves every so often. Toughest job ever. Parenting. Sucks.

      And some advice to u, if that’s okay, my one son gets hungry late at night every night. Like about 9:30. He eats his cereal every night and a yogurt some nights with it and he is nice and full for bed. Just let your daughter have her snack before bed too so her belly is happy and full and she will sleep better.

      This parenting thing is beyond crazy.

    2. heidi

      I love this!! i feel so much the same. I have 5 kids and I sometimes want to slit my wrists. I just want some friends to take an hour out of there day to come visit or eat cookies with me. I wonder what would happen if I just started going around the neighborhood and visiting people and bring my 5 kids? haha well my husband is in the military so I am basically alone. he cant even communicate with me for the next 6 weeks. not that he was super helpful anyway. I feel so trapped and its so much work to leave the house even for 5 minutes. My days are filled with constant fighting and mom, why don’t you play with us?? you hate us mom. you never make us the food we want. blah blah blah. I want to slap them all. I do everything for them. EVERYTHING. I love them to pieces, I really do. but can someone please raise my kids so I can have a life and Ill just come home for a few hours a day and play with them! then i may actually enjoy them!

  129. Amy

    So nice to hear I’m not alone. I had a deadbeat for a husband and now he’s out of our lives. I’m grateful because I hate the man but it would be nice to have had help with our two kids that are in their teens. My kids are so unbelievably lazy and disrespectful. They can’t seem to understand why I’m angry and yelling all the time. It’s like….duh dumbass how many times do I have to repeat myself? Pick up your shit & help on the house. It’s not manual labor. It’s not too much to ask. Their Dad pays no child support and that’s fine. He can die in a fire for all I care but I can’t afford to move or do anything for me or the kids. I don’t date at all because I fear the guy will just add to the mess. As all of us on here say…I love my kids and it is thru lots of prayer, Prozac and klonopin (pardon spelling) that I’m still here. I take nothing now by the way because either way I’m miserable and I’m miserable to be around. I’m just not happy. My life just keeps passing me by and I just get fatter & fatter too. God gives me the strength to keep going and I pray the same for you and all the mothers that can’t admit that motherhood is hell.

    1. Kanitha Fisher

      You are the first post I’ve read regarding teenagers! I feel so relieved in knowing that I’m not alone in this controversial topic of hating all things motherhood!

      I have tried communicating my feelings to my fiancé, who isn’t my daughters biological father. ..her dad was an abusive alcoholic whom I told wasn’t the father just to escape his unpredictable madness.

      Needless to say, my daughter turned 16 yesterday. Her stepdad and I bought her a nice Jeep Liberty…and for what???

      In my opinion she doesn’t deserve a darn thing. She just ended her 10th grade year and since 6th grade . I couldn’t stand her. She is my only child and she looks just like me. I love her, but I don’t like her. She hasn’t followed any rule ever that I’ve laid forth to her.

      Her bedroom is a trifling mess, she has to be reminded to do chores, she basically gets anything she wants for doing absolutely nothing to earn it. It really burns my soul when people say, “you have a good daughter, she’s so beautiful, oh its not that bad!” Your just too strict, you take everything the wrong way, your too defensive! I’m tired of it. I know how my child really is. She’s sneaky, dishonest, failing classes, and unappreciated. And her sense of entitlement is beyond me.

      I’m the eldest of 9 siblings. There is 5 girls and 5 boys including myself. We’re all born to the same parents as well. Growing up, I hated being a part of a large family. Since I was the oldest. I always went without. Because of this, I NEVER, EVER wanted any children.

      Just like a previous post stated…I told my best friend I was getting an abortion…she told her mom, who told my mom, and my parents wasn’t haven’t it!

      I hated being pregnant, I felt my body was being invaded by an alien on a daily basis. And once she was born, it tokk awhile to feel a connection, but it eventually developed. Until 11 yrs old when she stopped listening!

      I have been through soooo much with her she was cutting, overdosed on pills over a boy, caught with boy behind vending machine, failed high school courses, lies, steals (particularly from me, she steals my clothes and lies and said she didn’t take it, my lingerie, panties, makeup) I had to put a lock on my bedroom door but she still finds a way to steal from me!

      I’m fed up! Sick and tired of having to deal with this teenager and all her issues. In the past year, she’s diagnosed herself with mesophonia (sensitive to noises), rooms a hot ducking mess, but she said she has a problem which looks like hoarding to me, and now she’s a pansexual (a person who like men, women, and trangender), and today she asked if her girlfriend could move in with us!!! I font like my own child, what makes her think I want to take care of someone else’s teenager….double negative, ALL lies!

      To be truthfully honest, I’m tired of parent-teach conferences, tired of fussing about grades and a dirty bedroom, I’m tired of attending band performances, cheer competitions, and orchestra recitals. I’m tired of being unappreciated by an ungrateful child.

      Some days, I just want to stay sleep, not have to wake up to a daughter who is going to get on my nerves all, and a fiancé who is just as worst as she is. I fantasize about running away all the time, just so they would how it is to live without me, and be serious in my attempt.

      It is just so unfair that the way we are feeling right now, is considered by many to be taboo. Just because I had a child, doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind about being a mother. I am unhappy all the time! And know mother should have to tolerate their children, who in my opinion as teenagers, are borderline abusive! I should have to put up with it, if I don’t want to, and being forced to, truly makes me the most unhappiness person I know!

      I wish each of you all the best. I hope it gets better with time…but I’m not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

        1. Skylar

          I feel the same way as all these ladies and has the nerve to have baby fever .. I don’t need anymore kids in my life and I only have one that I feel like I shouldn’t of had

  130. renee

    I’m so happy that I am not alone.my baby girl is 10 months and I literally hate waking up in. She is just awful its to the point that I don’t want to be here anymore her dad doesdoesn’t help or get up with her.I love her so much she just makes me so darn miserable.

  131. FeelingLikebADmUMMY

    tHANK YOU! i hate this so called joyous thing called motherhood. My little girl turned one a few days ago and amid the family celebrations I RAN OUT OF THE ROOM TO LOCK MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND HAVE A GOOD CRY. WHEN I EMERGED I FOUND THAT EVERYONE ASSUMED IT WAS BECAUSE MY LITTLE BABY WAS GROWING UP AND I WAS OVERCOME WITH EMOTION AT SEEING THIS LOVELY LITTLE PERSON RUN AROUND THE ROOM MAKING EVERYONE ELSE SMILE. ACTUALLY I WAS CRYING BECAUSE I HAVE HAD A WHOLE YEAR OF HELL AND I HAVE COME TO THE SAD CONCLUSION THAT I just don’t like MOTHERHOOD. I HATE THE CONSTANT BATTLES, THE CRYING, THE BROKEN NIGHTS, THE NAPPIES, THE ARGUMENTS WITH MY OTHER HALF REGARDING ALL OF THE ABOVE, BUT WHAT I hate most of all is the person that i have become and the boredom and exhaustion everyday brings. i am so tierd that my first thoughts every day are ‘I can’t do this’ not again, not another day like the yesterday, the day before that when i am clock watching and wishing the minutes would turn into hours so i can go back to bed. but i can’t say any of this aloud, i can’t say that i am wishing i could afford full time help so that i would have some peace and quiet (and whisper it) a life that does not revolve around meal times, stacking cups and trying to prevent the destruction of my home. I hate the fact my husband leaves the house every morning at half past 8 when i have already been up for two hours doing all of the above and still have another 10 hours to go. He then comes home ready for bath time and forgets to ask me how my day has been until i tell him with a fixed smile how sweet and cute chloe has been all day. I can’t tell him that when she is in her cot supposedly having a nap i lie on my bed and cry.

    thE HARDEST THING OF ALL IS THAT I LOVE MY DAUGHTER DESPITE ALL OF THE ABOVE I DON’T WANT HER TO KNOW HOW MUCH I RESENT EVERY SINGLE EXHAUSTING DAY WHEN GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE IS TOO MUCH WORK, THERE IS NO POINT ME TRYING TO MEET PEOPLE I WOULD JUST SIT THERE LIKE A ZOMBIE, I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY. BECAUSE I AM NOT.

  132. TIRed

    I am so tired of it all too. I have consTant sTress because of my job, my husband and my child. My job keeps getting more demanding with fewer resources and i literally have people’s lives in my hands. Then at home i have to worry about the finances, running the house, arranginG daycare, preparing for kindergarten, plus all the little things. My husband is a big child. He entertains our daughter, and her friends, but it creates more work for me. The times we have other kids over are never reciprocated by other parents, but my husband is a big pushover (when it comes to other people). I feel trapped. Each night i hate thinking about having to get up in the morning to face it all again. I love my daughter but the constant questIons/whining/mess to clean up/fights about clothes oR brushing teeth drive me crazy. I smile and go through the motions but there is no joy in my life. I am currently on a super restrictive diet in hopes to lose the 30lbs that i have gained in the past 3 years (from drinking and overeating as A means to cope). I really wish that i wouldn’t wake up, but i kNow my girl Needs a mom. Please don’t suggest getting my husband to do more, or join a gym or have date nights. We have gone to marriage counselling and nothing changed. I Have a medical problem that’s preventing me from exErcising beyond the physical stuff i do at work. I have LiterAlly sought out every avenue that could help me. I am now just complacent.

  133. Way

    Wow….I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets in a tired way and that’s what I call all of these ladies. Tired. Tired of the whining COOKINg complaining schooling cleaning…the list goes on and on…wishing for the days of sleeping all day, DATING, having fun being free and without someone depending on you. Some days it really sucks. Lol….those are the days mom needs to stop. Stop the kids put the kids to sleep early and chill the fuck out. Really. Chill out. We are not cyborgs. Moms still are women with feelings. Kid gets on your nerves, tell them to go sit down.. Becoming a mom doesn’t suddenly mean time stops and we become Betty crocker. Those days are over and for you men reading this give your lady a break. Take the kids and go away for a couple of hours. Shit leave for the day and go to a hotel or better yet let mom go to the hotel and do what she wants. Good luck ladies.

  134. Anonymous

    Im glad as well as discouraged that i found this site. Im happy to know that im not the Only one who feels this way but im discouraged that it may not just be a temporary feeling.
    Ive wanted to be a mother and often complained of “baby fever” so getting pregnant after being off the pill for 11 months shouldnt have shocked me, but i Bawled for a good month and was resentful. My life changed overnight! Throughout the entire pregnancy i didnt feel a connection and often wondered if i would love my growing son. I hated being pregnant and the aches, pains, lack of sLeep that came with it. My water broke 3 weeks early and i bawled while having an anXiety attack. When the nurse told me “its time, youre having a baby!!” I just sobbed. He was born and hes perfect and beautiful but its been 1.5 weeks and i still dont feel a connection. I havent Even told him that i love him. I just feel like im babysittinG. Everyone says this is “normal” and it will go away with time, but im worried it wont. Im so tired but know things need to be done around the house. My fiance is great and wakes up around 4am With him until about 8-9 so i can sleep. But i feel guilty because he works all day and i just sit home exhausted. I need to clean, do laundry, do oDds n Ends around the house but im so tired…i feel frumpy and gross and havent showered in 2 days. I dont want my fiance to resent me and am worried he will. Im off for 3 months from work and am scared to go back when i cant nap during yhe day! My son sleeps for long stretches during the day and is awake every hour or 2 at night. I miss my old life (though idk why, it was just a mess) I miss Going to happy hour with my fiance, i miss going to bed when i want, or reading in bed, leaving the house when i want, eating when i want…im praying to god that my attitude changes and i learn to love/embrace motherhood, but im terrified i wont. I think of the fuTure And how things Will just get worse with sickness, teething, fevers, tantrums etc aNd im filled with anxiety/depression. I hear my friends talk about their plans for the weekend and even though the drunkeN bar scene is not how i want to spend my life…its what i was used to 10 months ago, and i miss the “fun” of it. I see my friends wHo are mothers and they love it, and embrace it. Here i am posting pictures on facebook looking like im in heaven because its whatS expected, when in reality im riddled with so much doubt its nUmbing 🙁

  135. Anonymous

    I am in the same boat as everyone else. I’m a labor and delivery nurse so I’m very use to being patient and I am very calm under pressure…EXCEPT when it comes to my kids. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. My 2 year old was born prematurely and I spent every waking moment with her in the hospital until she came home a month after delivery. She and I have always been very close. She has been a wonderful child and even though she can throw a tantrum with the best of them, she is very sweet and loving. My 4 month old is absolutely terrible. She makes me hate being a mom. She never sleeps, she wants to be held constantly, and she hates to not be the center of attention. I can’t even play with my 2 year old without her crying. At night, she will scream unless she is being held. I also work 12 hour night shifts so I don’t sleep much at night and with a young child who never sleeps, I’m a mess. My husband is minimal help at best…most of the time he is contributing to my stress. I haven’t slept longer than 3 hours in over a month. My hair is falling out and I cry every night I’m home because she doesn’t sleep. I have no energy to play or do anything. I have thoughts of killing myself just for some peace. Because my daughter cries all night, my 2 year old is usually tired and cranky in the morning. I actually had to start sending her to daycare because I felt so bad for her that I had no energy for her. I’m completely lost. When I talk to my husband about it, he doesn’t see the severity of the situation and he anyways says im too dramatic and I need to just deal with it because that’s what we do as parents. I feel like a horrible person for having these feelings. I have nobody to talk to so I just sit at home all day and cry.

  136. Me Too

    I’m so relieved to find this! Not only am I not alone in how I have been feeling lately, I’ve come to find that it’s actually more common than I figured it was.

    I am at what feels like my ropes end with mothering. Lately, I hate it. I hate everything about it. Im so exhausted and its never ending. My son is 15 months and it just gets harder as he ages. I do it alone and I am so TIRED all of the time and I’ve just reached a funk of resentment and exhaustion. He doesn’t sleep through the NIGHT, he starts the day so incredibly early, he doesn’t talk so it feels like all he does is cry or whine noises. He makes such a mess. Such a mess, especially on the days I’m too exhausted to care or chase him around cleaning up behind him. Infact that’s where our life is today. My apartment is trashed. It’s a disaster, I basically checked out of cleaning and tiidying or caring a few days ago- it astonsihes me just how quickly a household can fall apart when you don’t keep up with it. I need to clean today, which can be frustrating because my son makes a mess right behind me and it seems never ending. Why bother. Who cares? I certainly don’t seem to lately. I don’t find motherhood rewarding. I find it unrelenting and depressing. Sometimes the sound of my sons cries and whines irritates me to no END-, especially first thing in the morning before the sun has even risen for the day and I’ve not slept a solid four hours- I scream inside my head for him to shut up or go AWAY or just sleep (how hard is it to effing sleep a bit- I would love the opportunity) It makes me feel guilty and SELFISH, and perhaps feeling this way is selfish- afterall he is ‘just a baby’ … And I do love him, there are definately moments he warms my heart and makes me laugh, but lately more often than not he just makes me feel defeated and tired. I hope it gets easier, but I feel like it only gets harder from here.

    There’s comfort in knowing other moms struggle with these negative truths about motherhood. This morning I was feeling like the worst mother ever for having these emotions, but atleast I’m not alone and I’m realizing that for some perhaps these feelings and thoughts are normal and happen to the best of us.

    1. Diana

      It’s so good to find mothers I can relate too. People expect moms to love being parents but the truth is I don’t enjoy being one either. Those who judge, let them. It’s important to be able to vent to find some kind of relief. I’m glad I found this website.

  137. leanna dawn

    I HAVE TWO TODDLERS JUST 15 MONTHS APART AND WHILE I’M HAPPY THAT THEY’RE ALIVE, I AM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO ALLOW MYSELF TO ADMIT THAT THEY DRAIN ME AND I REALLY DON’T LIKE BEING WITH THEM VERY MUCH. I’VE NEVER REALLY LIKED CHILDREN BUT FOR SOME REASON THOUGHT I SHOULD START A FAMILY. JUST BEING A “GOOD GIRL,” I GUESS. WELL NOW I AM PAYING FOR IT.

    MY DAY STARTS WITH THEIR WHINING AND CRYING, WANTING TO BE CARRIED AROUND THE HOUSE NON-STOP, AND ENDS WITH THEIR THRASHING AROUND AS I TRY TO BRUSH THEIR TEETH AND GIVE THEM BATHS. BECAUSE OF THEIR FREQUENT MIDNIGHT WAKE-UPS, I HAVE NOT SLEPT WELL IN THREE STRAIGHT YEARS, AND IT SHOWS AT MY JOB DURING THE DAY WHEN I AM BARELY ABLE TO COMPLETE PROJECTS OR EVEN COMPLETE MY THOUGHTS. PLUS I CAN’T ATTEND ANY EVENING FUNCTIONS THAT WOULD HELP ME GET AHEAD IN MY JOB.

    THEN I COME HOME AND THE KIDS ARE ALL OVER ME. IT FEELS CUTE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES AND THEN I REALIZE THAT THEY EXPECT ME TO PAY THEM UNDIVIDED ATTENTION FOR FOUR FULL HOURS UNTIL THEIR BEDTIME. I HAVE JUST COME HOME FROM 8 HOURS OF WORK AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT AND SLEEP, MAYBE HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH MY HUSBAND. BUT NO…I GET TO SPEND FOUR HOURS BEING WHINED AT, JUMPED ON, FOLLOWED AROUND. I TRY NOT TO USE THE TV TO BABYSIT THEM BUT SOMETIMES ITS THE ONLY BREAK I CAN GET, WHEN I PUT A SHOW ON FOR THEM. MAKES ME FEEL NEGLIGENT, BUT OTHERWISE I AM A ZOMBIE ANYWAY.

    MY HUSBAND WORKS NIGHTS AND I WORK DAYS AND WE STILL CAN’T AFFORD DAY CARE FOR THEM, AND WE LIVE FAR FROM OUR FAMILIES SO THERE IS LITTLE HELP WITH CHILD CARE. IT’S ALL ON US AND WHILE WE LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND OFTEN MARVEL AT HOW THEY ARE GROWING, WE ALSO ARE EXHAUSTED AND NEVER HAVE SEX ANYMORE. OUR CONVERSATIONS ARE ABOUT NOTHING BUT DIAPERS AND CLEANING. THIS IS NOT WHY I WENT TO COLLEGE…TO TALK ABOUT POOP AND HOW DIRTY MY HOUSE IS. AND WE’VE HAD TO PUT ALL OF OUR NICE FURNITURE AWAY IN THE ATTACK BECAUSE THE KIDS DESTROY EVERYTHING. I DON’T EVEN FEEL LIKE AN ADULT, HAVING CHEAP PLASTIC FURNITURE EVERYWHERE SO IT WON’T GET RUINED.

    I CAN HARDLY SIT TO EAT A MEAL BY MYSELF, SO I’M ALWAYS HUNGRY. I TRY TO EXERCISE BUT THE KIDS CLING TO MY LEGS AND WHINE UNTIL I SHUT OFF THE VIDEO. I TRY TO MEDITATE AND THEY WHINE UNTIL I STOP AND PICK THEM UP. I’M MAKING THEM SOUND LIKE BRATS BUT THEY’RE PROBABLY JUST NORMAL TODDLERS…I’M JUST ANNOYED THAT THIS IS MY LIFE AND I HOPE THAT IT GETS BETTER AS THEY GET OLDER.

    OTHERWISE, I WILL SPLIT WITH MY HUSBAND JUST TO BE ABLE TO SET UP A CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT WHERE I ONLY HAVE TO BE WITH THE KIDS ON WEEKENDS OR SOMETHING. I JUST CAN’T TOLERATE HAVING MY ENTIRE LIFE DICTATED BY WHINING AND CHAOS.

  138. Lucie

    I fantasize about running away all the time. I feel like people tell you all the time how hard it is with a newborn but I now think ‘that was easy’ it just gets harder and harder. My 3 yr old can be delightful but usually follows it up with being a nightmare to get to sleep, often not until after 9.30pm and will hit, talk back and do everything possible to fight off sleep, then wake up all perky at 5.30am. I’m pregnant with my second child and I’m thinking it is a big mistake. Also I really need a couple of cocktails.

      1. Shannon

        Exactly! These people that are like “I have four kids, and hate it”…I just want to smack them. YOU kept going after the first one, you did this to yourself!

        1. Baba Black Sheep

          Thank you! How the heck do you keep having more children when you know you hate motherhood. I can understand 2, but 4-5 and more?! Come on. That’s just dumb. I have a 3 year old daughter and I plan on keeping it that way because I would kill myself if I had to give my energy to a second child. Fuck it all!

  139. nancy luu

    I feel like most moms don’t tell the truth. Its so rewarding they say but I don’t see it. My son is 3 months but even b4 then its been a horrible experience when I conceived I was in so much pain and I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was 4 weeks then instantly the morning sickness started everyday for 4 months not to mention my bf(father to my son) was never home cuz he wanted to get high 24 7 with his friends.. After that I just kept growing and growing and the pain got worse. Finally I went into labor(horrible) he got stuck in the birth CANAL(even more horrible. Now he’s almost 3 months and I can’t stand him. He’s as cute as a button and I love him but HEs so annoying and cries all the time for anything. First he had colic then constipation then projectile vomiting. NOw all that has stopped and he still cries. I want to shoot myself whenever he STAts. I’m home with him all day while his dad works but when he gets home he barely does anything cuz he’s too tired and if I wake him at night he gets angry at me. I hate my life so much. If I could just go back I wish I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I’m so lonely sleepy and I barely have time to eat. My bf thinks I’m joking buy I never want kids again. Worst mistake of my life. I can’t keep fake smiling and pretending its so fun to be a mom when others ask me how it is. I can’t keep faking. But moms aren’t ALoud to feel like this so idk what to do. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have told my bf I was pregnant and just sneak off to get an ABORTION

  140. Spent

    i NEVER WANTED kids. Then I met my wonderful partner and everything changed. Soon we were onthe road to parenthood, a house, a dog and an empty crib. I look back on that and I would do anything to go back and talk myself out of it. I was so in love, All I could see was our love growing with our growing family. sharing this wonderful thing I had found with kids maybe even lots of kids. I now have a 12 year-old and eight year old and I hate every moment of it. I hate homework, I hate all the judgey people we encounter I hate constantly trying to get them to do compltly basic things like use the bathroom without peeing on the floor (yes both of them) or eating with manners that don’t make me want to vomit. only to be reminded yet again these beings that look like small humans have more in common with forest animals than with me.

    I yell too much, I drink too much. I think horrible things. My son is sweet with a wonderful heart, but he is just so dumb. He breaks everything he touches, We recently were at the hospital for 16 hours because he needed surgery because he ran full force into a pole… Just not looking where he was going. the Doctor could not hide the look on his face. dumbfounded, disbeleife. All I could say was. “Yep it happened.” My daughter is the one that really sucks the life out of me. She lies, she steals, She is obsessed with skimpy clothes, make-up and kissing. she is only 8 and has never seen a PG-13 movie, watches less than 2 hours of tV a week and has never been on the internet unsupervised. I have no idea where I went wrong. My most aganizing fear is that she will become a teen mother and I will end up raising her kid too. The thought makes my blood run cold.

    For those People here thinking that a supportive partner would make it all better you are wrong. at best it is someone to cry with. Turns out neither of us were cut out for this, but we will never leave eachother because we are the only ones who understand how bad it is.

    1. JustMe

      You are correct. I had 5 children with my ex husand. He was a horrible person. Then I met my current husband. He is amazing, yet I hate being a mother now more than I did with the useless ex. Heck, I used to BE the amazing mom. Love all around. Patience. Peace. A clean home. Now my whole life is watching them trash my house nonstop. We clean. The kids help. Then they trash it. They fight. Cry. Break things. Assholes for days, and do not listen to me at all. I get so stressed that I roll in a ball on the floor crying and shaking. They stand around me and laugh at me. I hate motherhood.

  141. Serena

    As I sit here on my laptop stuck home with my very well behaved, and beautiful toddler with her bouncing curls and her positive smile I still find myself googling “I hate being a mother” “Unhappy mothers” and things of that nature. I admit I’ve done it before, but i’ve never really made the effort to comment or make my feelings known.

    i am 32 years old, i have a supportive but oblivious husband. i have a prior child with another relationship but i am one of those weird ladies that chose not to have custody of the child under the assumption that he was allowing me to see the child whenever i wanted. naturally that changed after court, he wanted it all. that aside i was young, 19 when i had my son. i knew i wasn’t ready, i wanted to go to college, i wanted an education, i wanted a life. my ex basically said after our son was born my son was my life. we broke up six months later, because i became very depressed and anorexic. I vowed then to never let myself fall pray to that same hierarchy of man trumps woman and woman is simply a uterus to bare his children. i was very clear with every guy i wanted no kids until well into my twenties, that if an accident did occur I would not be keeping the child. also that we must be married because lack of marriage was what left me with nothing after my two year relationship with my sons father. i really had it figured it out, next time i’d be ready.

    true to my word (minus the marriage part, which annoys me) I waited until the age of 28 to get pregnant again. it was not planned, but i had promised my significant other if we had an accident at this point (we had a house, we both worked, I spent most of my twenties having fun and so had he) that I would keep the child and start a family. i had just changed my schedule at work to make optimum money and have optimum time off to have the best summer of my life; riding amusement park rides, staying at girlfriends houses all night drinking martinis and talking, just partying like i’d never partied before because we didn’t have our own place and i had less money to play with. instead, I was pregnant. i did not party, i did not hang out with friends, I could not go on amusement park rides, in fact i couldn’t ride anything four wheelers, horses, or snow mobiles in the winter because for the most part that’s frowned upon for pregnant women. i spent the time growing fatter with the only joy in my life being eating, but i resigned myself to the fact that i was going to be a mother. however i promised myself i had made it clear to my boyfriend and husband to be that my entire life was not going to be motherhood.

    fast forward to now, I am sitting home again on another day off, he is out doing whatever he wants because “He got caught up in errands after work” and i am essentially a live in baby sitter. he doesn’t do it intentionally, it’s the way they are raised in this area. it’s a given that the woman has the vagina and therefore enjoys giving up every aspect of her life to slave over her family and her house never desiring a moment of time to herself. i try not to be bitter or angry, but at times i just want to cry and run away. i feel like mother hood takes away our “personality” when I am out in public now I just feel like “my daughters mother” and for some women that is all they need. I know plenty of moms that beam when they brag about their children, and their children being the center of the world. I also know many moms like me, that long for the days of yore when you weren’t just mom. when you walked out in public and men noticed you, people noticed you. people fear talking to moms because they know all moms talk about is their kids, and what they have to do with their kids, and when they have to work around their kids schedules to do things. no one wants to hear that.

    also i am trying everything i can to be more than just mom. i am in college to be a network administrator, i work part time, and i attempt to have relationships with other women that aren’t or are moms. the problem is in the end I am the one that always has the child, i am the one that is just expected to stay home, i am the one that gets the dirty looks from other mothers if i attempt to go somewhere with my daughter to see adult people and do not helicopter over my child and instead attempt to talk to the other women there and have conversation. i get it though, women figure since they had to give up their existence why shouldn’t every one else? they put the time in, they followed their kids around or stayed home when they were at that age where they couldn’t quite walk so it was just safer to stay home. it’s sad, but until we start making men accountable it isn’t going to change. i am not saying it’s a mans fault, we really need to tell them and show them. one day i will just get up at 7am and leave the house to ‘”run errands” and not come home until 5pm. seems fair. end rant.

    1. THANKYOUFORYOURHONESTY

      Omg . thank you ladies.
      I love my 2 kids. I have a 9 yr old who is my whole heart. Divorced his dad after 2 years of not happiness with the dad.. Happy with my son tho. I was 22 when we split. I let him keep the house Wed bought. I got 72 grand. But had no credit. So I couldn’t even put the money towards a new house. I did not know this until it was too late… So I was young, dumb, and now slipping into the lounge waitress job and staying late to work because the people I worked with were fun and young and fun! My son suffered because I began letting his dad have him more and more …
      Money gone… 1 year later… I straighten out totally. I throw myself into motherhood alone and I work 10 hour shifts and go straight home to my boy… I literally regretted slipping from him so much I’d ache at night or at work when it got slow and I had time to think… I hated myself for wanting to have fun instead of be there 100% for my son… I worked and worked and stayed home every night. Lost friends and became very depressed. I thought I was such a horrible person. I went on to lose an amazing job because of co-workers actually framing me to the point where I had no options and it took 3 months of struggle before I lost our apartment… Now me and my at the time 5 year old are staying at a friend’s house in a room and I’m so stressed I can’t eat or sleep I just feel like a total failure….. His dad got the house and was 10 yrs old than me so he had an established career.. He stayed stable and solid… I looked like shit my kids while life and was so lonely and stressed and hated myself so much for failing as a mom.

      Fast forward through 2 more horrible years…I was so alone I could have died in my apartment and no one would have noticed until my son didn’t get picked up on the weekend…

      I meet a man. He’s my soul mate. And he really is.
      I make an incredibly hard choice to allow my boy to live with his dad… I fully believed I’d be able to move to a new city with this man as my team mate… And have my boy want to join me.
      But he didn’t.
      He looked at his mommy and said… Mom I’ve always lived at dad’s I’ve always just stayed at your houses but dad’s my home house.
      And I love his truth and sweetness….

      But now I have an unplanned 1 year old… My 9 year old lives 8 hours away … My soul mate doesn’t understand that living 8 hours from everything I have ever loved and known has begun to hurt my heart.
      I resent the fact I’m stuck here with a baby while the baby I made myself sick trying to love and give a stable home too isn’t benefiting at all from the stable home that the new baby has….
      I feel like shit for hating the fact I’m a mom again. But I miss my son… I wanted him.
      I didn’t want to sit in a city far from everyone I ever knew just sitting and cleaning and cooking and wondering if I’m even still human….

      I needed to read these posts so I could feel less like a total douche wad a##hole

      Thank you ladies… We all have a soul and a heart and it’s allowed to miss the freedom of being free….
      Were allowed to because we simply are.

    2. Natalie

      Serena,

      Thank you for your comment. Im sitting at home, alone on New Years eve sobbing my eyes out while my 1 year old daughter naps peacefully.

      I hate being a mom. I was in a three year relationship when I got pregnant ACCIDENTALLY (we used condoms, I was on birth control..but somehow I ended up pregnant). I never wanted children and had a family picked out for an adoption but her father begged me to keep her. saying he always wanted to be a dad, that he would never leave us and that he would be there to support us.

      fast forward a year and he is gone. its nYE and Im sitting alone, unable to go out tonight because I could not find a sitter and have to work tomorrow because I have bills to pay, alone. hes out partying with some younger, skinner girl that has no RESPONSIBILITIES….because apparently I was no fun anymore after having a kid. I dont have the body I did, Im too tired from working and running after her all day long… I was just wasn’t enough for him anymore.

      And your last paragraph is what really hit home; that society needs to make men accountable. because I am so miserable and want to give my daughter up for adoption, for a better life. and I all I hear is how horrible of a mother i am or how i am mentally ill. but no one says anything about how her dad just up and walked away because he didnt feel like being a family anyone.

      sometimes, i hate being a female.

      1. Ricki B.

        Said the same thing the man needs to help more,and I hate being a female at times.It’s boring ,depressing being a female ,the fun men have and the lack of responsibility they have.If women do what they did we will be put down for it.

      2. Jem

        Exactly, society needs to hold these fuckers accountable. My husband bailed on me and our 3 kids for another woman. We’ve no money yet he suddenly has loads. Hasn’t given us a penny since he left over a year ago. These men need to be demonised just like women are for far less reprehensible behaviour and bloody well criminalised if possible. Fucking off on a 2,3 and 8 year old at Christmas, cleaning out the joint bank accounts, freezing the accounts and leaving no food or presents in the house. Criminal, thieving behaviour. Mother fuckers, quite literally. Now I’m a single working mother to 3 children and I am utterly exhausted, hate my kids quite a lot of the time due to their incessant Russian oligarch-esque demands. Constant waking during the night, not going to sleep til 10, up at 6, food fights, shitting and pissing up everything. It’s just awful. And I look like complete shit, about 15 years older than I am. Lack of sleep and stress. So yes I hate being a mother.

  142. AnonymoUs

    I identify with every single comment here. I have an 8 and 5 year old. Right now and for a while i have been hating paRenting. It’s awful and relentless. Sometimes i question why i had children. Constant housework, endless laUndry, endless cooking, shoppinG, waSHing. I find it loNely and boring. Right now sitting in the park Because i don’t want to sit indoors because of constant squabbling. I hate the school run, i hate the homework, i basically hate all of it. My only hope is that my attitude might change and i can accept this.
    I lIke peace, quiet, time to myself, reaDing, cleanliness. I want to stroll by myself peacefully not be stressed and angry the whole time. I shout a lot and then feel guilty.
    This is after the nightmarish baby years. It just doesn’t end. I feel quite depressed and frUstrated.

    1. Desperate

      Holy cr@p. I could have written your exact post myself. I feel guilty for yelling, then I feel frustrated with everything they do. I have tried so.many.things. Website ideas, therapy, everything. My kids fight all the time, they will NOT help, they trash the house. And I’m not looking for a spotless house.. I mean they eat and literally half their food falls out of their mouths onto the floor. They are not at all embarrassed to have zero manners in front of friends or have them in their filthy bedrooms. They don’t share, they have no concept of caring for each other. They FREAK with consequences. They do not respond to positive feedback or any kind of earned reward system. They are killing my marriage. I am so seriously depressed. I have no idea how to pull our family together. I don’t want to do this any more.

  143. Anonymous

    I have only been at this for 4.5 months and I try so hard to not hate my son. It was an unexpected pregnancy and I was never excited about it. I question everyday why I thought I wanted to be a mother. The only thing that calms him is eating but he isn’t gaining weight because he spits up so much. He constantly screams and cries. Sometimes I lose it and yell which only makes him more upset. Hubby tries to understand but he just can’t. He works away from home and is only here for 2 days a week, and wants his weekend when he’s home. I have never been a depressed person but my child makes me want to end things. Everyone says I will miss this stage…not sure if they had angels for children or what because my son is a nightmare. I’m glad I found this to see I’m not alone.

    1. Mila

      Maybe he spits up because you’re over feeding him? Or he needs the acid reflux formula.. if you aren’t breastfeeding? I don’t know your situation… My son does that too, so I try to burp him frequently and feed him less but more frequently, which helps. But yes, I was here to read how other women feel… And I am relieved I am not the only one. I do miss all my alone time and SLEEP. I worked hard in school and have to be a stay-at-home mom for a while…. >:(

    2. N.

      I know this is an old thread but if your baby cries and spits up all the time he might be lactose intolerant. I really believe that is the culprit of purple crying. You can get them acid reflux meds . Biggest advice: I had to give up eating dairy and spicy food because I comes out in the breast milk. And if I supplement Ed it was with organic soy formula. Typing on a little phone sorry about typos

  144. C.m.

    This is exactly how I feel. I always thought I wanted kids. Once my husband and I finally decided to try…I hesitated. Was this what I wanted? I loved my life the way it was. The pregnancy was planned and we got pregnant right away. Our son is healthy and beautiful. But I hate being a mom. I can’t exercise when I want, I can’t go to the movies, OR even get a good night’s sleep.
    He’s beautiful and I love him…but I just want my old life with just me and my husband when we could do what we wanted and not be responsible for another human being. Many tomes I’ve thought that I’ve made a bug mistake and I should never have gotten pregnant. I don’t even know who I am anymore…I hate all of it.

  145. Amanda

    Don’t just be honest with other moms, be honest with everyone out there. As a society we don’t share these feelings because they aren’t pretty but it is a potential part of the parenting experience. I’m not a mom, and I don’ t plan to be one, because I didn’t think it was for me. I like kids and I think I would regret motherhood more than I would regret being childfree. my point is simply that more than parents need this information, potential parents also.

  146. Ct

    My heart breaks for you laDies. I hope you take even a little solace in the fact that your bravery for TELLING the truth Will help other women who have been socialized intO thinking that you have to be a Mom or you are less of a woman. This is not your fault. This is every other dishonest Person who refuses to be honest about the good and bad points of being a mom. How can we make a deciSion when we dont know the truth? How can you Vent if no one lets you bc they are too busy judging? Jenny- please get help, you need help and their is no shame iN asking. And im only saying that not bc i have any idea what you are going through but because You Deserve to live and prosper despite regret about children. You are worth it. Your life is worth it.

  147. Lynn

    It’s so good to hear other people say this. I have been struggling with this. I just left my husband, who only made things more difficult, and am doing the single mom thing. I despise it! My son is seven and it’s not so bad with him.he’s always been quiet and helpful for the most part. My daughter is two and most days I can’t stand her. I love my kids to death and would do anything for them but my 2 year old pushes me over the edge. She has so much energy and refuses to wean no matter how hard I try. She never wants to sleep and discipline is a joke to her. I hate working 40 hours a week just to still be broke and then come home and have to deal with their shit until i eventually pass out. I never have a moment to do anything for myself and never go anywhere alone. I can’t even bathe or poop in peace bc they’re always there. I adore them and want the best for them but most of the time I feel like I’m not cut out for being a mother. It’s frustrating and depressing then I get frustrated and depressed for feeling the way i do. I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way and i no it’s not my kids fault.

    1. Denyel Braley

      Im honestly happy to hear your story and everyone’s on here. I just got into a screaming match with my 14 year old son about how to be a parent to a 3 year old girl as if he knows because you know hes never been a parent but knows everything about it. That being said, he thinks i should spank my daughter. And, no Im not going to do that. Even if i did, spanking won’t do anything except hurt my hand and our feelings. Then the behavior is going to continue. Honestly i give a shit if i get to do things by myself or not. the thing that bothers me most is my daughter does not listen. It’s like she has a routine of things she knows not supposed to do and will not listen to me when i talk to her, she requires me to raise my voice and stomp after her top get her to listen , it’s bullshit. My daughter will repeatedly get out of bed and come into my room and wake up her baby brother with crawling into bed, whining, going pee, getting into shit. Im a single mom. The kids just not listening drives me crazy. The crying. I love my kids with the most love i could ever have for anything and they make me hate being a mom. I’ve even tried strategies other people suggest and why doesn’t things work for me. I see the moms in church and wonder why i can’t i be like all these perfect moms? Why do i have to suck so bad? I work 40 hours a week. Im a single mom and i go to school full time. I am on a break for the summer right now and i have more nights with the kids and i feel like i should enjoy it but i don’t. Wheni say to myself i hate being a mom i think of those moms that disappear from their children, give them up for adoption, or worse abuse them. And i would never do any of that. Ill just lady here in my bed, cry and hate being a mom until they all fall asleep and shut the fuck up!

    2. dontdoit

      Same. I don’t want to play, I don’t want to chase after at the park. I don’t want to repeat myself 45 times…oh and my soon to be ex husband. ..so noble is he that was active duty army “serving” his country through my whole pregnancy and her 1st 2.5yrs of life. He came home retired, claimed the infamous PTSD and left after 3 mos, now lives with another woman and his retirement check. sees the kid 2 days/month and the courts LOVE VETS….how dare I ask for more support or point oUT he can work (and does) & he can spend more time w her. No he’s got a life to live “he served and deserves” so I hate my life, parenting a preschooler and working 40 hrs / week. I don’t like kids or this job.

  148. karen

    i am so tired of being a mom! i am a single mom of two boys ages 12 and 8 who don”t LISTEN and they only do the things they know angers and upsets me. i try so hard to be a good dedicated mom but they make me feel like a failure. all my money goes in bills, rent and them with non left to do anything for myself. in return i get noise,yelling fighting broken items and a dirty house after a hard days work. things would be good until i reach home then is hell house again. i wished i had somewhere to go and never come back ! i seriously hate being a mother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  149. Annonymous

    My daughter is 4 years old in 3 months time. i hAve never enjoyed bring mum.
    I thoight the reAson being bad MARRIAGE, no Parental help from husband, no family member in the country etc.
    But even after i left him, being a single mother, i have not enjpyed a monent being a mUm.
    I just f#%@& hate every patemtal responsibilitY.
    Bathing, dressing, brushing teeth, feedIng, tIdying up, hearing her ask why?why?why? Her touching my breast is the worst.
    I juSt hate every bit of it.

    I want to sleep without intruption, iwamt to cook quietly with nice music, i want To bath alone and relax, i want to go to yoga, meditation, retreat, mUseum, thEatre.
    Not havinG to be at home at 5 pm for Her dinner, bath amd sleep time.
    Not to mention the cost oF NANNYING if i wanteD to gave peaceful moment fOr myself.
    Being Single mUm, thats way to LUXURIOUS.
    Kids are nice to see bit not to live with.

  150. Heather

    I have 3. they are all under the age of 6; my son is 3 yrs, my eldest daughter is 5 yrs and my youngest is 18 months. I dread waking up in the morning. I am awakened by the sound of my 18 month old’s thunderous cries that startles me out of my sleep or by my 5 year old annoyingly shaking me awake telling me “mommy wake up” repeatedly. as soon as my feet hit the floor, I am bombarded by various breakfast requests; most of them asinine (like candy, ice cream, or gogurts) but I just give it to them anyway because I cannot take the whining. The whining sets my nerves ablaze and gives me migraines..chronic ones in fact. I dread picking them up from daycare, I despise spending the entire weekends at home with them alone because when they’re around I am constantly running around doing two things that I hate the most: Cleaning and serving, cleaning and cleaning and serving to an unappreciative bunch of people who never stop making messes nor do they have the wherewithal to throw anything away. They don’t listen to anything I tell them, they are demanding, they are whiny and unrelenting. And yes they even want to argue with you despite being as young as they are. My son tells me he hates and calls me a bitch often and he is only 3! And no I don’t cuss them out. I usually try to laugh their behavior off as a coping mechanism because I have given up on any forms of discipline. All this coupled with my husbands unrealistic expectations of what I have should do and have done everyday is exhausting and at times, yes can be depressing and exhausting.

    1. michelle

      Blimey! That’s my life and worse still I have no man or help. I feel liking ending it all regularly. Life with two small very feisty children actually makes me cry, scream and feel angry. I just can’t cope

    2. Roxy

      i gave up on housework, i just said im not doing it, its a lost cause and i just dont have the energy, if you dont like it then your welcome to break up with me.. So he does most of it instead. I get a headache every day from my toddlers whinging and i get so frustrated sometimes i scream at him to “just shut up!!” It doesnt work tho.. at all.. Maybe a neighbour will hear me yelling ong day and report me, and i’ll be declared an unfit mother and be off the hook.. wouldn’t that be nice..

  151. Jenny

    FINALLY, SOMEONE SAID IT.

    I’D LIKE TO ADD TOO THAT working dads (and some single working moms I’ve met) very rarely understand this even after you list the details. My husband is a help, but he’s also a contributor to the stress (messier house, someone else who makes me repeat myself a million times). He wants another child.

    it’s not like i can go to school or get a job anymore since childcare costs too much so having another child seems like my only option. I’m a lot unhappier than my husband thinks i am, no matter how much i express these things. Truthfully, even while on prozac for depression, i think about suicide almost daily. i feel that i am too intelligent to be a mom. i should have gone to college, and now i can’t.

    1. katrina

      Thats not true, you can go to college with scholarship money. Its a lot of hard work (especially with kids) but there is a TON of free money out there for moms. I know exactly how you feel, the only difference is i finished school and then worked for only 2 years just to Accidentally get pregnant after i thought i was infertile. I feel trapped, like i will have no life, and that i have no fuTure for 18 years besides putting someone else’s life goals in front of my own. Of course it’s my own fault for thinking i was infertile, but now this is really Putting a wrench in my grad school plans. Also, i Never wanted children unlike most women who are shocked to find out how much work it is. I know how much work it is, and that’s why i avoided having them for 10 years. Really thought i was in the clear, but noPe. Again, my own fault, but acknowledging that doesn’t make the pain and depression any less difficult to deal with. I’m 24 weeks and still don’t understand why some women plan their whole lives to have kids. I would never plan this or make it a life’s goal, no matter how noble it is. Well, I’m screwed i guess!! Oh well…

    2. cinny

      Hi. I know exactly how you feel. Like Life is passing you by and you just sit there and reflect on your life and wish you could’ve done this or that. You wish you could have gone on that trip or bought that blouse or gone to college because now everything is on the back burner and nothing is what you want anymore. Caring for your child is all there is and YOUR identity turns into MOM and you lose yourself. I feel guilt everyday but I need to let this out. To care for OUR children we need to CARE for ourselves and yes that means venting and letting THOSe agonizing thoughts out. I also regret not finishing school and I wake up everyday telling myself I’m GOING to change my life but IM with my baby alone all day everyday that it seems impossible.

    3. Roxy

      Oh my god I pretty much feel exactly the same as you Im 27 and have a 10 year old from a previous relationship and a 2.5 yr old with my current partner. I feel like all ive said for the last 2 year is “i hate my life!!” and its the same for me i dont think my partner realises how much i really do mean it. I dont think I am depressed or mentally ill because when my youngest is gone for the night im relaxed and at peace and withought a headache.. Im fine with my 10 year old when its just him and me, and i really enjoy his company, but when they are together its aweful. When my toddler came home today, pretty much straight away i wished he hadn’t. I just dont have what it takes to keep up with him and put up with his constant whinging. everything has to be just so, or he will chuck a tantrum and be a total pest. I pretty much hate every minute of it im constantly yelling and just want to be left the fuk alone. Im lucky that my partner does help alot when hes home with kids and housework etc.. I still hate it tho, I cant do what I want or be who i want, because being a mother holds me back, it stops me from being happy.. I love my kids, i really do, but i really hate my lot in life.. I wish there was an escape.. but there just isnt unfortunately..

      1. Portia Franklin

        I so understand..You may all find this crazy but out of all of those feelings I have I put myself on this mission to Empower moms to create joy on there journey and part of it is VENTING and letting go of the toxic thoughts amongst those who let that guilt go.Why should we feel guilty for telling the truth, as moms and wife’s if we don’t let it out its unhealthy. So the other part is of my mission is to replace the feeling of being alone with love community and support. So thank you all for telling the truth about how you feel.Thank you for being you .

        1. PISSED

          HAVING KIDS RUINED MY LIFE THE ONLY WAY TO ESCAPE THIS MISERY IS TO KILL MYSELF . I WISH I HAD THE BALLS TO PACK MY BAGS AND WALK OUT. I WOULDN’T MISS MY KIDS ONE BIT OR MY CUNT OF A HUSBAND. BUT I HAVE NO JOB NO EDUCATION AND NO MONEY AND IM STUCK HERE IN HELL WITH NO END IN SIGHT.

          1. Mama

            I laughed so hard at this… not laughing AT you, I’m laughing because im slipping slowly into MADNESS and I have to laugh at all of our similar sufferings or Ill just want to DIE! LOL. we’re all MISERABLE and have to be BAT SHIT CRAZY and lose our minds completely to survive these 18 years. One day at a time and drink wine after they are FINALLY asleep!!!

          2. Stand For Ur Children(Skyler)

            I absolutely love my children and they were the best things that ever happened to me, although it is rough and can lead to extreme pain and stress, but I have to say, you should love your children and not want them EVER. It is extremely rude and personally I believe no matter how stressful motherhood is, you should ALWAYS be grateful that you have been blessed with your children/child. I think that it is wrong to say that you wouldn’t miss your children because god damn, I bet a million dollars that you will! How do you suppose your children will survive? You said yourself that your sh*tey husband hates you. So don’t you think he won’t take care of your children? And I hope you don’t up and kill yourself because where would that lead? If you believe in god like I do than that will only lead you to hell. Your family would miss you and I am again pretty god damn sure you would miss them too. Yes I know motherhood can be pretty damn stressful but I love my children dearly and would give up my life for them if their lives depended on it. And I know pain and depression can be found but you need to be strong and feel blessed that god brought you beautiful children.

      2. Jay

        I love your honesty. I feel the same way but feel ashamed to admit .. I have 3 children, 8, 11 and 14 months ,due to lack of sleep, I’m irratible and hardly want to speak to my husband. My 14 month old wants to be in my arms all the time, she is a bad sleeper, hubby works long hours, I’m totally fed up. I have no energy to keep up with her all day.. When I go to church, I spend most of the time stood outside the church due to her not keeping still or shouting during the service constantly, but when she goes to my husbands church.. She is as good as gold… Make me look like I’m a liar !I WANT MY LIFE BACK.

    4. openmind

      I feel the same way. And the same situation with my husband. He thinks I’m awful just from the little things I say like I’m drowning here. I am so tired of always taking care of OTHERS. I am miserable. I mean I all BUT spell out I hate Being a mom. And he already knows it so I don’t even have to ADMIT it. But I feel like a pos and he doesn’t help with those feelings. I love my son. And if he was gone I would me devastated. I’m confused how I can love and hate my own kid. He’s done nothing to me. But I am not stay at HOme house wife material. I can’t help but dream about college. I’m o close to finishing but so far away. I can’t afford daycare and there is no point in working where we live because I have no trade or degree so minimum wage jobs still wouldn’t pay for day care and they’re always going to be dead end. I have to do productivet thing. I have to be BUSY changing myself and bettering myself. I can totally relate.

    5. Mirinda

      Wow, I actually feel stupid for going to college. I spent 30k to have Whinnie the Pooh palying in my head and dreading for him to actually want more interaction. I hate stupid kid shows, kid songs, kid games, talking and sounding like an idiot. I feel like I have to constantly remind myself that interaction and playing is helping him develop and learn otherwise I just wouldn’t most of the time.

  152. Me

    I don’t like beIng a mother. I dread waking in the morning. Knowing i will try to get Ready For work with him screaming. I dread coming home from work and Picking him up. Finding food he will eat and not thRow in the floor. Keeping him from breaking everything. I look forward to bedtime, only to cry whEn he refuses to sleep, even though he is exhausted. And then it all starts over again. I do it all by myself. My Husband works out of town and is only home on weekends. He can’t understAnd that he doesn’t have to do it. He works and Then is off work. Goes to his hotel room. No screaming, no taNtrums. I work 24/7. Work and then care for the kid.

    i have no idea who i am. There is no time for me. All week i take care of the kid, the house, the bills if i remember. Then on the weekEnds, i Have to be home or my hisband gets upset. There is no end to It.

    1. Sandrag

      Hi. Why do u have to be home on the weekends when your husband is finally home. You should be like here u go. See ya later. Plz stand up for yourself. U need time
      For yourself on the weekends. He has to understand. It’s his turn to play mommy in the weekends.

      1. Mirinda

        Or she could tell him to man up and actually be “daddy”. Telling the guy to “play mommy” indicates that he’s taking on a foreign role. Like he’s doing her a favor rather than contributing to the result of the sex he enjoyed so much. He had fun making the babies and played a key role there but now it’s fulfilling someone else’s role for him to watch the kids? When you say “playing mommy” it actually suggests that she is slacking in her duties and that is totally wrong. He doesn’t need to “play” or “pretend” anything. He needs to fricken take responsibility as father of his children and husband to his wife.

        1. Portia Franklin

          I here all of you .I don’t enjoy being a mom either.From my point of veiw my husband doesn’t respect me for that choice .I did it for him not for me .I hate the tantrums ,the questions about where’s my laundry ,or the guilt if I don’t want to pick up behind him.I hate it all.
          I love my children they are miracles I am just not cut out to be a stay at home mom at all and trying to work from home feels like a joke .As I am writing this is am angry.Angry that a mom should feel guilty for expressing the truth.I got some eyeballs when I said how I felt about this job.I so understand why divorce happens.

          I feel like ,and it doesn’t mean it’s the truth,I feel like there is still this expectation of the role that women should play .God bless American, Forgive the Jerks,they really don’t know the damage they leave by hanging on to that silent but expressed degradation of a Womens worth.Are we not more then maids.

          1. Hope2Dream

            @Portia that’s exactly how I feel. We are so much more and shouldnt be expected to fit some rigid role of what women are “supposed” to be. I really hate the double standards.

          2. Fed up

            Yeah I hate being a mom period! Just everything I have four sons and I just can’t stand the fighting whinging and fucking mess refusing to eat anything I make and i can cook I’m really good at it and I enjoy it yet all they want is processed shit that I refuse to buy. Recently my husband moved us to his home country to live with his parents all in the name of saving money! Apparently the in laws are supposed to help with the kids yeah right! Baby who is one in four weeks wakes me up at least ten times a night every night! Brilliant not school here starts early have alarm set for half six joy not, school finishes at 11.30 am so I do dinner and they are all under my feet shouting mom he did this I hurt myself and its his fault! My husband doesn’t live with us only coming to visit once every 3 months so he got the fucking cushy life he going to cinema walks gym swimming and going wherever takes his fancy me stuck with useless in laws who trying to tell me what to do and how to do it! I’m glad of the language barrier at least I can fake that I don’t understand when I do. They coming upstairs in the morning complaining that I haven’t left to take kids to school and why didn’t i ask them to watch the baby well first they don’t look after the baby or want to feed it’s screaming arse plus they are never usually awake that time in the morning the joy of sleeping till almost midday I tell you. I tell my husband this and he thinks I’m lieing that I’m the lucky one living with his parents well he will have shock cus when he eventually crawls over here I’m dumping him with the kids while I fuck of somewhere away from all of for the duration of the stay! See how he likes it I no I will probably get loads of backlash for this post but I’m human not a fucking owl slash robot! And everyone always said to me don’t worry we will help and where are they! And yep I asked and they all said no!!!! Each time so now I don’t ask I just suffer!!

          3. Renee

            I understand all too well what you are saying as well as the author of this article! I really hate motherhood! It’s dreadful! I have 3 daughters, 8 year old and my twins are almost 6. They whine and fight constantly! The arguing is unbearable. I thought once they were all in school, which they are finally all in school this year; that it would get better! But it hasn’t, I have to get up 5:30-5:45 to help get them get dressed for school. They all have natural hair and so do I. I don’t know how to cornrow that well so I have to actually do three heads EVERY SINGLE DAY! It’s so stressful and annoying. They wake up fighting arguing crying and go to sleep fighting arguing crying! They come home from school fighting arguing crying/whining immediately want a snack usually three different things. Argue over what to watch on tv who won’t share a toy. They immediately mess up everything that I spent time and cleaned while they were at school. It was even worse when my oldest just turned 2 like two months before the twins were born. I feel like I shouldn’t complain because some people can’t have one kid and I was bless with 3 and even had two kids at once! And they are healthy so I definitely shouldn’t complain! But I have to be honest! I’m always yelling and never in a good mood because all I do is clean and cook and fuss day in and day out! I thought I was gonna die when my husband was out to sea back in 2014 when they were 5 and 3! And I never have help my parents live in TX were are in FL. But we were in VA and my in laws lived there but they rarely helped which still pisses me off to this day! My MIL was too busying helping her own daughters kids and grandkids! I got a huge hernia with my twins and got it ‘fixed’ when they were 5 months but I still walked around for 3 years looking about 5-6 months pregnant. Finally had it redone after the doctors kept telling me it was normal ( they thought I was just fat). Then had to have it redone again because my stomach kept swelling up. My family nor my husband’s family didn’t come through for me and never really have when it comes to relieving me at some point with the kids! They only helped me for 2 weeks ( one week each). My recovery after that surgery (surgeon had to remove my belly button because it was entangled in the hernia) was supposed to be 6 weeks! I was only 2 weeks out of a major surgery and still had to deal with a 5 yr old and two 3 yr olds. I was absolutely misserable. Couldn’t really take my pain meds because obviously I had to be alert to watch them. It put a huge strain on my relationship with my family because I feel like I never get support! It’s like they think I can go everything but shit I need help and relief sometime damn! So tired of dealing with the day to day mother things. And then on days when I feel like I have covered everything, they still find something to fight and argue and whine about! They are never satisfied it’s like they like to see me fussing and stressed. And when I finally find a moment to chill and relax, there go one of the girls “mommy she hit me” “she won’t share xyz” “I’m hungry” I feel trapped and extremely exhausted! Maybe I’ll enjoy it more when they are older! But right now I hate it SO MUCH!

          4. Shonda

            I agree. I feel like this whole post and thread understands me so well. If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t. I hate motherhood. It’s lonely, depressing, and annoying. My husband says he wishes he could be with them more. Hell me too! I wish he could be with them 24/7 and let me have a career and a life. As of now I am drinking a pint of Crown just to stop thinking about how much I hate my life. Once their gone, what will I have? I wish there was a reset button for life!

          5. Aleshia

            I hate it too… I work full time and I’m exhausted. My partner and I get no time with each other he works nights the kids wedge their way in between us I’m last on the pecking order I hate being a mother I don’t like my children .. I don’t love them.

          6. Kisha

            I totally understand, My “boyfriend “as I call him.Weve been together almost 10yrs 2 children little7yo boy and 1yo daughter together and I have a 15 yr old daughter. No one appreciates me. He acts as if he gets a period every month… he is selfish, and my oldest kids are ungrateful, spoiled,but very polite. IHATEBEING A MOM!!Men dont get it ..Im a Teaching assistant I work with kids all day then hve to come home deal with homework, school clothes for the next day and yelling,crying,screaming cooking dinner cleaning ,changing diapers,getting bath water ready..Im tired and IDK what to do..Ijust want to run away.

        1. Alexia

          I loved being a mum until i had my daughter. I have a son who has just turnt 3 my daughter who is 8 months is so clingy its unreal. Its like still being pregnant. Fucking hate my life. I feel bad for my son who gets little attention outside of what he needs becuase my daughter is so demanding. The only guilt i feel is for my son who had a happy life before i had his sister. Now its mummys holding your sister wait a minute every minute. Poor kid cant catch a break and neither can I . Dad steps in but only when he can see im about to crack mentally. Atleast he helps though right? I should be grateful is what everyone says. No one i mean NO ONE seems to understand. I agree with the whats it like being a mum question. I can answer two ways i used to love it or i fucking hate it. Not that i would ever openly admit it in fear of being judged. Joys of the 21st century, freedom of speech but still not and will never be free from judgement

          1. Theresa

            Hi dealing with twin teenage boys is beyond, the whole motherhood thing sucks, right from the beginning, the crying getting up endless times for numerous amount of insanity & NO thanks for anything.

            You look like shit most days, thank God for the past couple of years, I now keep eyeliner & mascara in my van, so I can look somewhat human.

            I’ve raised my kids a 100% alone since 2010, that’s when my husband died in the line of duty, but I was basically always doing my job alone, because he was very selective on when he wanted to be there for my kids.

            It’s been more than lonely, draining & doing this alone has taken a toll on my body, mind & spirit.

            I loved what someone shared on this site…& when they’re gone I’m alone & I’ll add…they will forget all I did for them.

            Theresa

          2. Tlady

            I wish I could turn back time. I’m a single mother and I live with my mom cause were poor and I lost my job today. I wait all day for this kid to go the fuck to sleep but nooo gotta sleep in my bed because who needs to actually sleep. Then the mental abuse from my own mother. I know she regrets ever having me I’m a total fuck up. I would hate me to. I’m a waste I want to give my son to his father and wife and be like adios I get to live again.

        2. Christina

          Hi I just found this site when I was looking online because I’ve become frustrated and decided I do not like being a mom I cry every day and it makes me feel guilty and depressed im a single mom of a amazing four-year-old but lately he has had very bad tempers he screams he cries he hits me he throws fits and he does it everywhere I can’t take him to the store I can’t take him out to eat I can’t do anything The only help I have is my mother who was a terrible mother when I was growing up and she only helps me when Im working other than that I get no time to myself I work then I come home and take care of my screaming toddler and it’s gotten so bad that now I wished I wasnt a mom anymore and I hate this feeling!! because I love my son more than anything in the world!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way .

      1. Jasmine

        You absolutely do not have to love being a mother in order to love your children. I love my 2 daughters but motherhood sucks. Everyone says how wonderful it is. Let your husband leave you for the fat girl he messed around with in high school. Then tell me how wonderful it is. When you’re alone battling anxiety, depression, 2 kids that cry all the damn time, and he’s living his life with that fat whore as nothing ever happened. It is seriously the battle of your life every single day. I never would of brought children into this mess if I would of had any idea I’d feel this way, or be alone doing it. I’m hoping it gets better when they’re in school full time.

        1. No one

          Your ex is a complete piece of shit. I’m sorry you’re doing this on your own. It’s probably for the better because living like that and knowing he’s having an affair is worse. Being a mother utterly sucks shit. You don’t exist anymore. I enter a room and LITERALLY my spouse’s family says hello to my son aND says fuck all to me. I feel invisible.

        2. Jackie

          I’m not sure how old this post is or if you will even see this reply, but I really love and appreciate what you wrote here. I feel the same as you. My ex blames me for every single problem and issue my son has in school and otherwise. I hate motherhood but love my kids. I resent women my age who aren’t parents cuz they are beautiful and free and I’m trapped. My son is with his dad 3 days of the week but I wish it was more. I feel myself literally crawling out of my skin as Friday approaches cuz I know I get to drop him off with his dad. I’m depressed beyond belief and have considered lately taking my own life. It would make me free at least. Thank you again and God bless you.

          1. Lashonda

            this is my hole situation right now omg I thought I was the only one it feel horrible to feel like that tho

          2. Ruth

            Jackie, please seek help or at least find a trusted friend you can talk to.
            What might happen to your children if you take your life?
            You love them so stay around for them, please.
            Lots of people care. You just need to find them. I’m here. Please PM me if you need to talk.
            There are priests, ministers, many people you can talk to. Please don’t take your life. Consider your children.

    2. Sandra G.

      Oh boy….I’m facing a decision already made. I CAN change my mind. But I won’t. I like kids well enough but I’m also fine with watching other people struggle. I know this may come off as selfish but I’m okay with that because I’m ME, not a brood sow, not anyone’s anything, Iam ME. Unapologetically ME. And I don’t want kids. I use condoms religiously and this time this one failed us so Iam pregnant. And I’m not gonna lie. I HATE IT with a passion. EVERY second. I throw up continuously, I have a low grade fever all the time and a headache that won’t quit, Iam constipated or else I can’t sh*t at all because MAYBE the only thing I can manage to choke down are a few crackers a day. So the only miracle here is that I haven’t killed anyone. That’s real. I also think my girlfriends who have children look even more bat shit crazy for going through with it. And while I realize that my experience is not everyone else’s, I don’t intend to church mine up. I FEEL TRAPPED already. Projectile vomiting for what is now 7weeks going on 8 and what feels like thee worst ongoing hangover in my life and I’ve never even had the benefit of EVER partying that hard only to be followed by a squalling brat that’s going to ruin my va jay hole on the way out, is NOT my idea of a great payoff. I have never heard anyone be so honest or graphic as Iam. My friends know me well enough or at least accept my brand of ‘humor’ not to try to gain say me, if you can’t tell, Iam no shrinking violet and unlike the writer, I apologize for none of my feelings. And I don’t think any of us has to. Screw the little mommy box everyone wants to cram us into. They don’t like it? Well guess what? It’s not THEIR life. And the sooner everyone stops trying to force maternal feelings and all that crap on every woman, because motherhood is not a one size fits all, the sooner more of us will be happy and maybe not even so guilt ridden into making the wrong decision. Because the only right one is the one YOU WANT TO MAKE! The truth is, the men can leave and that option is more available to them wether we like it or not so if I’m gonna be a mom, and there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with that IF you want it, I know I’ll be damn sure I can do it on my own.
      *I have a very loving and supportive boyfriend who would love for me to have this child. He helps me care for my terminally ill grandmother and he’s an absolute angel and my rock BUT I don’t want a kid and this taste of pregnancy has totally soured me and left me with the most revolting taste in my mouth. No lie. He accepts this. He’s a good man. And I’m a good woman, with or with or without him. Kids or not. Everyone else can take a flying leap and mind their own litter.
      Now for the reality and responsibility of the situation. This is MY mistake and I’m gonna have to live with it, I did not EVER want to have to make the decision to end a pregnancy but it is what it is. I have a deep respect for life and I’m not proud of this. I value and have a deep commitment to my boyfriends 2 teenage daughters. They will always have my protection and undying devotion but I have no desire to have children of my own. The end!

      1. Hanna

        Please go through with the abortion for your own sanity. I should have with my son and it was the biggest mistake of my life. If you keep this baby you will love it, but you’ll deeply regret having it. You’ll cry and have guilt after the termination, but it isn’t nearly as bad as having a beautiful child that you know you shouldn’t have had. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I got a Paragard so I wouldn’t have to have any more abortions, or deal with the stress of getting pregnant again. Hugs to you❤️❤️

    3. Patsy

      I hate it. All of it. The whining, the tantrums, screaming so loud my ears ring, the incessant demands, the constant pawing at me, the piss and shit and epic failure at potty training, the mess, the never ending fucking cleaning, the head melting nursery rhymes on repeat over and over and over, I fucking hate it all. I think about suicide a lot. I sometimes don’t know if I love her. Pregnancy was its own special hell and I never felt that rush of love when she was born. Most days I hide in the kitchen to get away from her. I didn’t know if I wanted kids but I definitely knew I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom. But here I am. Just got my qualifications and BAM! chained to the house with a kid on my hip. I spent years doing shitty jobs and when I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life, fate turned around and gave me a big aul fuck you. I feel so low and miserable all the time, I pray for an aneurysm. The joy of motherhood, my hole. It’s the worst, most pointless existence in the world.

      1. Amanda

        Omg you have no idea how reading your post made me feel! It’s like you are living my life. I was never sure I wanted kids, but here we are. I went back to school to get my Bachelor’s in Education and instead of being a teacher I’m a stay at home mom contemplating taking a “drive” one day never to return. I legit hate being a mom even more than I ever thought I would. It’s so depressing. I yearn for those days when all o had to worry about was me, myself, & I.

        1. Maggie

          Yes yes YES! So true! I never felt maternal instinct before and although i love my daughter to bits i would give anything and everything to have my old self back! Constant whining, neverending cleaning and mess that she creates every time she touches anything. I cant speak up anymore, its all about her and her attention seeking, he chooses to listen to her, all im saying is unimportant. Whole life revolves around her. I had to reject a dream job and a few well paid ines because of the demands if child care, nursery hours etc. In the meantime he was promoted and really and truly not much changed for him. Same job, same good old friends, same body, same mind. All at my cost. I lost career, financial independence, freedom, mind (i honestly feel retarded, sooooo tired and stressed) , friends (mainly singles) and body ( used to like myself, until c-section left me with a scar, saggy bit on my stomach and saggy boobs after breastfeeding). And he doesnt get it!!! “Why oh why are you feeling like this???” Says the one who spends most of the week outside this mess. I used to be proud of myself, my degree (MA in economics) , 3 languages, good salary , savings and respect. Now im a total zero on mercy of my guy. Had to retrain and took a poorly paid part time job near the nursery, so its convenient for him. I often cry at night as i miss my old self, happy and confident. Im a total, ugly zero now…….on antidepressants which dont do much, only kill my sexual drive which makes things even worse on the relationship level. Wish i could turn back time! Love to all of you out there xxxx

          1. Tess

            @Maggie
            We share the same loses. I know exactly how you and everyone else writing on this board feels. I want to disappear and catch amnesia on the way out of here. I can’t bare the fact I can’t go back to my life before kids and a husband. I hate it all and just want my independence and solidarity back. Now we are forever stuck in this life. What are our options! Really? Walk away and leave all of them and kill our selves with the guilt. Live miserably from heat on our. Longing for our lives back Or wait until our kids are adults, when we are too old to even consider living a vibrant, full life. All haggard and gray? What’s the best alternative?

        2. Kratie

          I feel the same. I have been on maternity for 5 years and I am fed up with the never ending cleaning, tidying up, feeding and negotiating. I have no energy to play. I am miserable most of the times and loose my temper easily.
          Sometimes I just want to leave.

        3. Misty Spires

          My nerves stay fucking shot…no me time ever…like a fucking circus 24 hours a fucking day…after oldest son was 2 months old I was pregnant again…the son of a bitch left and hasn’t did shit to help..child support just now caught him after damn near 4 years…I feel like a failure all the time..my boys are my world and I love them beyond words and I feel guilty for posting this…I just hate feeling stuck and no one to help or turn to…is it bad that sometimes I wish they were grown already…I constantly have anxiety…just feel like every time I feel like I’m making progress in life in any aspect I take 2 steps forward and 10 steps backwards and I’m mad as hell and just want to put my face in a pillow and fucking scream as loud as I can

        4. Trapped

          Agreed!!
          I feel so much better reading these posts. My husband has a great career & travels a lot he loves to criticize my parenting even in front of the kid. My parents are dead I live in a miserable Subarb of a miserable city. I had my kid late because I was pissing my life away with too much self destruction. All of that is so much better & I would to have a decent life but I am STUCK being a stay at home mom, an awful job that never ends and is so fucking mind numbing a labotomy should be an option. I feel useless always tired & sick of all of this shit!

      2. Sindey

        You can say that again. I have a daughter who just turned one and will soon have a second daughter. In my life I never wanted children but then hormones kicked in. I hate to say it but I feel tricked into motherhood by nature. I hate it more than words can say and especially hate the coming of the second one. Having my first one made me really really really certain I’d never want to do that to myself again. If you hate yourself, have children cause it’s a perfect way to torture yourself. I have seen the joy of it too but the grief outweighs it by far. I don’t think having children is such a blessing at all. It is highly overrated and all our life we are lied to as to how wonderful it is. From conception you give all of you and more and to be honest, after pregnancy you give even more. Not to mention risking dying giving birth. Wow what a joy unless you do wish to die.
        This is such a stigma in society and really harming for any mother going through this. Constantly having to pretend you like it and are happy about having children just adds insult to injury. I personally feel I can’t turn to anyone for real help. I feel lonely and like my existence and wellbeing doesn’t matter anymore which makes me very unwilling to take care of that which feels like is taking away my chance to live. The way society…well most in society looks at it makes me feel like I resent my daughter for coming into the world but who I really and truly resent are those in society that makes you feel you shouldn’t feel this way and that your own wellbeing doesn’t matter.

        1. Lindsey

          I completely understand what you are saying. I have been a mother since I was 18 years old. Becoming a mother that young made up my mind very quickly that I would never want to start all over again. I’m going to be 28 soon and I have a boyfriend who does not have any kids. My boyfriend and I connect really well and he loves my daughter. He expresses how much he can’t wait to have a child but I have mixed feelings. I am not looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, getting only 3 hours of sleep, having to pack a large bag before going anywhere. Its all too stressful. My daughter is 9 now and its a little better because she is more independent but I still have to deal with homework, her attitude, not being able to come and go as I please. I’ve been doing this by myself for 9 years and never really got to experience things that most people in their 20’s get to do. My boyfriend on the other hand doesn’t realize how much responsibility a child can be. We don’t live together so he has yet to experience having to drive in rush hour traffic to try and pick up your child, or having to go get them something to eat and not being able to just come home and relax, but instead having to do homework and make sure they are good before you can even get to worry about yourself. I try to explain this to him and he says that he can’t wait but I envy his life. He gets to come home and play video games, go to happy hour after work or even to the gym. Everything is on his time. That’s the life I look forward to living when my daughter gets older. I can’t wait to have time to myself to be able to watch a show without interruptions, to be able to just up and leave without making babysitter arrangements. My best friend just became a mother a year ago and she loves it. I feel bad because I hate it and I’ve always told her that I would never encourage a woman to rush to become a mother and I also said that if you never do become a mother, its not the end of the world. My best friends thinks that’s so mean for me to say that.

      3. Bambalina

        my story is not as bad as all of your hateful mommy stuff but once in awhile i feel like i don’t want to be a mom or that i made two bad choices but i have to admit that i enjoyed the sex that made these two boys. I feel like overwhelmed sometimes but i also have help but sometimes i don’t want to ask any one anything because it is not there responsibility . I felt like i was never going to have kids and i actually never wanted kids but i do have kids now two handsome little guys. I had them with a older man and he already has two adult children and they are nice but they were grown ups and i am only 9 years older than the oldest. I wish sometimes that i didn’t have children because i want to be free but i’m a jealous little bitch but i told my companion that i didn’t want to have kids because that would come in between us! He can go out and do whatever he wants too and when i ask him to watch the kids he just does whatever and his family will watch them for him and when i come back all of a sudden they have to go handle there business and whatever so like he really gets to do anything because he is a man. so maybe i dont hate being a mom maybe i hate that i am a woman and that we had kids because if i was the man i wouldn’t be stuck and for that i don’t feel like doing anything i don’t want to clean i don’t want to talk and i want to fight whoever and yell at whoever!!!! mostly i take it out on him! he is the one i want to be with but i talk mad shit to him 247 because i want to i am fucking pissed i’m not a man!!!!!!!!!! I know i even wanted to leave to be alone but i miss my kids to much and i miss him even though i say i don’t need him! i just want to leave with him and live it up like little teenagers all night but im an asshole and nobody cares so why should i!???!?? so i felt like writing because maybe it isn’t that we don’t like being a mom but we want to be everything and everything but we cant be. Cuz there will always be someone to rain on our fucking parades all the time someone who will say your doing this wrong or this isn’t it right so fuck it i wrote this because i am angry and mad and i’m a jealous little kid in a 36 years old body!!!!

        1. Bambalina

          and when i tell him how i feel he says poor thing and i want to say i’ll show u a poor fucking thing!!! He can’t even ask anyone anything it always has to be me if i was him i’d leave too!!!!!

      4. Anonymous

        Hi I’m a 16 year old girl and I’m 99% sure that my mom feels the same way that you do. My mom’s life seems perfect on the outside- what more could she possibly want? My dad loves her as if she is the sun. She has 3 gorgeous daughters. The oldest (that’s me) is not particularly beautiful, but she gets A’s and B’s in her all-honors schedule at her high school, along with having an extremely big heart and capacity for love. The middle daughter is drop-dead gorgeous and the most popular girl at her middle school. The youngest daughter has the beauty of the middle daughter and the brains of oldest daughter combined. My mom’s friends envy her picture-perfect FaceBook posts, always taking time to comment how gorgeous and sweet she and her girls are. But what they do not see is my dad’s frustration with my mom’s increasing depression. They don’t see how the smile she bears in all of her photos is a mask- plastered on to make everyone believe her life is perfect. They didn’t see my severe anxiety and panic attacks in my first year of high school that caused me to attempt suicide (I’ve never told anyone). They don’t see the middle sister who spends endless hours FaceTiming with her friends on her laptop, never sparing a moment for family. They don’t see the awful tantrums (which shouldn’t happen with a 9-year-old) that the youngest sister throws multiple times a day. Yes, I know why my mom hates being a mom- it’s because of us. Here’s my suggestion to you: JUST LEAVE! Just get in your car and drive. Your kids will survive not having a mom, they are more self-sufficient than you think. Your kids will suffer more with a daily reminder that they caused such pain in another human being- even worse, their own mother who birthed them. If my mom left, I would happy for her. She’s taken such good care of me and now she needs to take care of herself. I see and hear her crying multiple times a day and it elicits those same suicidal feelings that I felt throughout my awful freshman year of high school. I wish I could tell my mom what I just told you, but I am afraid that I will break her heart.

        1. Anonymous

          I don’t think it will break her heart. I think she would love to hear that. Reading what you wrote just brought tears to my eyes. You are a brilliant and very caring young lady and very mature in your observation of your mother. I am 35 with 2 teenagers, both 17. One is a step daughter who lives with is all the time and the other my son. They are very difficult to live with, as well as my husband. I also have a 7 year old little boy who I adore. Alot of days I just want to leave and never come back but I could never leave my little one so sometimes I wish I could just take him and go away and leave the rest of them. They are awful and selfish and they are mean to him as well. My youngest told me one day, “Momma, I want to help you do the chores. I don’t know how but I want to help you because you always have to do everything by yourself and I want to help you.” I freaking LOVE that kid. But the others piss me off and keep me on the brink of tears all the time. I really hate them!

        2. Julie

          Hi there,
          You are a wonderful, inciteful young woman. You should not carry your family’s burdens. Please find someone you can talk to, really talk to. Can you tell your mom you feel responsible for her tears without inciting an argument by suggesting she leave? She may be unaware of the impact she is having on you, as ridiculous as that may seem. Family dynamics can be insanely complicated, but I can tell you that in my 30s, my closest family allies are not at all whom I would have expected.

          Soon you will have the option to leave home and to surround yourself by people/activities/things that make you happy. Hang in there. If your anxiety gets the better of you, find someone to help. You deserve that.

          Best wishes, and I hope both you and your family come out of this.

        3. Rachel

          What a smart girl you are. I was in your shoes before as well, and I am now a mother of 3. It’s really hard to feel like your mom doesn’t have her act together when you’re trying to figure out life as you are about to enter adult hood. I have a hard time being a stay at home mom to kids ages 7, 4, and 1. I deal with depression and I am irritable towards them. I have even fantasized about leaving BUT I don’t and I won’t. Why? Because I remember seeing each of their faces when they came out of me. I would lay down my life without question for any one of them and I want to raise them up right in this crazy world. Your mom had the capacity to leave, but she loves you. She has a problem in her own heart and it’s nothing to do with you. Remember that. It’s not truly my kids that make me have a hard time being a mom, it’s my own needs that aren’t being met. Your dad may not be as loving as you imagine, or maybe she has low self worth. Whatever it is, it’s not you. The fact that you are so smart and couldn’t depend on your mom the way you should be able to will get you ahead in life….sounds weird, but it’s true. You’ll be more responsible and able to navigate around things in ways others can’t. But still, I hope things get better for your family.

        4. ANON

          Its not you she hates, it what society makes mothers do and be and act. Once you’re a mom you’re reduced to only ever being a mom all the time-all identity is stripped away, not by you, but by society. Your mother would probably murder someone to keep you and your sisters around, its not you, its everything else. Reach out and get to know her and allow her to be honest, that’s probably all she wants anyway, to be seen as a person, not a just a title, and to share that with you.

        5. Dzzz

          I get so frustrated with my children – girls ages 8 and 3.5 (potty training), and my husband. I work full-time and every year I get a raise and/or promotion only to watch my increase in pay get eaten up by the childcare cost increases that also happen annually. My youngest is potty training and it’s been 6 months of hell. I love my children desperately and I would do anything for them without any hesitation, but I often feel isolated and like I need a break. 99.9% of child rearing and domestic chores fall to me. My husband finds time to run, work out, play video games, and work from home after his normal work hours. Me? I have to cram everything into a 24 hour day. It feels like I have three jobs and no time to unwind and just exist for a moment. I can’t use the bathroom or shower without someone barging in. My lunch hour is spent paying bills and running errands I can’t get done in the evening because I have the kids. I really hope my frustration and anger do not affect my children the way you have described. Sometimes moms just need a little help – if the kids would cooperate instead of negotiating even the minutiae in life and if the Dad would step in regularly before things are overwhelming and not act like a hero for spending one hour with the kids, maybe moms would have more balance and feel sane. I’m certain your Mom loves you more than you know, and that she’s coping the best she can. Everyone has a breaking point, but it seems like moms are just expected to carry on even when we’re broken.

      5. Steph

        I feel literally the same way you do and I feel trapped.
        I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mom, but there’s no going back now. To be truly honest, I didn’t want kids but my husband always wanted a family and I love him so I said okay…
        I hate it. I gave up my career to be home and I wish I just don’t wake up all the time.
        My husband has his dream job and I gave up mine. To make matters worse, I live in his state on the east coast when I’m from CA. I am so alone. I feel like an idiot bc I gave up so much to support him and now I’m totally miserable and I don’t like being a mom. I always day dream how happy I was and where I would be if I didn’t have them. But nope, here I am hating life. And since I’m already being overly honest, like really honest, I don’t like my first son, he’s so beyond fucking annoying! My youngest i think I’d be happy with if it was just him. I am like the worst person for saying that.

        1. Anonymous

          I feel the exact same way my firstborn is a little asshole !! He’s 5 he steals everything from me !! My 2 year old is the sweetest little boy and my one year old daughter needs everything all the time I feel like I can’t breathe !! I really do love them but I feel trapped !! I hate being a mom most days my family lives far away and my mother in law only helps with her other granddaughter she constantly makes posts on Facebook fooling people like she’s a good grandma cause she steals our pictures she’s just awful . We haven’t had time alone in over 5 years . I just hope that one day it will get easier but I don’t think it will I work first shift my husband works nights we never see each other and we’re too broke for daycare . I’ve been trying so hard but they destroy my house constantly or fight I just don’t know how to do it anymore it’s so hard !!

        2. Anonymous

          Steph, I am you. Exactly what you said is what happened to me – didn’t want kids but love my husband and he wanted them, I hate motherhood, I hate my firstborn especially, I would probably be happy with just my second kid. I do think that it gets better, I think we are in the trenches right now and even though we may never love motherhood, our kids will grow up and be actual human beings and we will be able to breathe and do other things again. I’m hanging in there, I hope you are too. We can do this. We maybe shouldn’t have done this. But WE CAN DO IT!!

      6. Vicky

        Are we living the same life? This thread, these amazing women, and this page are my entire existence! I lie here at 3am with my toddler that’s been awake since 12am just calling name and getting on my nerves. I feel sooooo guilty, but if I had some condoms and a time machine, life would be great. I dread the weekends because his daycare is closed and he’s home with me! His dads work schedule doesn’t permit him to get his son much, so he’s ALWAYS WITH ME!

      7. Wanda

        Oh I felt so worried and concerned for you when you said you think about suicide a lot. Are things better now? Much love and hugs ♡♡♡

    4. Dawn

      Oh my kids are now 17 and 20 this all sounds scary familiar
      Exhausted crying alone no self worth husband who doesn’t help works extra long hours we feel out of freedom and not wanting the Responsibility of partaking in any parenting what so ever…. then they wonder why we’re grumpy depressed angry hate life and how it turned out.
      While everyone around us thinks we should be grateful really
      Reality check love my kids yes but hate being a parent or how things turned out.
      Me doing everything all the time and regretting everything and everyone.
      Those women who act like it’s the best and there always happy there crying alone trust me.
      Sorry to say does it get better some things yes others are complete crap
      Would I do this again ??? He’ll no we mom’s , wives, get lost while our husbands get dressed and go off to work freedom eat hot meals go to the bathroom alone it’s a Vicious cycle that never ends stay strong my friend I’ve been there still am but you will in turn get selfish yourself fight for your right of being you as a person lady mom whatever be strong

    5. Brit

      He gets to relax at his hotel after work all week so he should be taking care of baby on the weekends. I’d just walk out the door and say see ya later. Not fair at all. At least one weekend night should be yours and the other should be family night but where he does most of the parenting.

    6. TAO12

      Guys suck, my husband goes out every weekend, and when I want to go out he complains, sleeps out sometimes. I went to brunch with my friends he called me 2 hours in, bitching my 1 year old daughter wants to talk to me. I ask him if I can go to yoga for an hour and because I worked with a client he said
      “I don’t know babe you have been going out a lot lately.” He complained when I wanted to go out to twice in the same week saying I was acting all crazy. YET YET he goes out every weekend and he came home at 8 AM in the morning. When I complain he claims that I can go out and he will watch the baby but it never works that way and it never will. I HATE BEING MARRIED, I HATE THIS LIFE UGH, no more friends, no more gallery openings, or plays, no more music lessons. Work take care of my kid that s it. I HATE THAT WE LIVE IN THIS LAME ASS DOUBLE STANDARD WORLD!!!

      1. Sage

        Sounds alot like my husband. He’ll barely change a diaper nowadays & it’s 1:30 in the morning & he’s out partying with friends. I most definitely hate being a mother & a wife. I was not cut out for it. I hate myself for my constant outbursts and anger & irritability becuz my 2 yr old & 11yr old drive me nuts. Daily. Sometimes they can be calm but they have turned me into a mental case. I cope with alcohol & sometimes ciggs. But I DONT want to be this way!! I love peace & calmness. Ive been on depression meds for years & try to go off them becuz i dont wanna rely on meds forever but i usually either pick up smoking again to cope or end up having to go back on meds! Im so tired of this rat race & societal pressures! I have no support & NO ONE to talk to. I het to vent to my husband sometimes but i know he thinks ive got the privileged life becuz he works n i stay at home. It’s all bullshit. I think about escaping literally alot of times. Making it to where i completely cut ties with every single person i now know so no one can find me & drag me back. I hate to say it but for me….raising kids feels like I had to die for them to live. I’m so inctrdibly stressed. And my immature husband adds to it. I have constant neck and shoulder tension & my heart was hurting (chest pain) this evening with my two kids up screaming & fighting & me repesti mg myself 100X becuz they will not listen & of cpurse all the while im wondering if my asshole husband his having fun getting shitfaced while he volunteers me to watch the kids. I seriously hate him & want a fucking divorce.

        1. SweetFreedom17

          Please free yourself and get a divorce. I’m a mom of 3 kids, ages 2, 4, and 9. I got sick of their dad doing the minimum so I divorced his ass. Now I am free every Thursday overnight and every other weekend. They’re with me for Thanksgiving and then I’m free for 6 days during Christmas. I love it. I still get overwhelmed by the kids, but just when it gets horrible, it’s time for them to go with Dad. The bonus is I get almost a couple of thousand dollars per month in child support. It’s like getting paid to deal with the job of being Mom. Since the divorce, I’ve lost weight and improved my life. Ladies, please free yourselves. Marriage is cool, but Marriage with kids is the fucking worst. The woman almost always loses out, especially if she works. Split that shit up and coparent. Getting a divorce was like giving up the most annoying child in the bunch,

          1. Satya

            Yes. Grown men are like the worst toddlers. If my relationship ends: never again. I will remain a happy, happy single forever and ever. No more dating, no more disappointments. Just me and my daughter. I will tell her all about men and what she can expect. I’ve seen and had plenty of them.

            I had to fight like a lion for my me-time and study-time. After the first 8 months of my daughter’s life, me doing it all alone, I cracked. I should have gone to a therapist and gotten antidepressants, but I was not even up to going down that road and he did not support me after I suggested it. So I climbed out of the mental hole myself. Fighting him. Pointing out everything that needed to be done in order to keep a somewhat clean house and happy baby. My relationship suffered for a while but now it is better because I can actually do things for myself. But still. Men are just so frigging annoying and dumb. Mine is so smart in some ways and just so insanely dumb in others, it makes me seriously wonder if he is faking incompetency to the point of retardedness so I will give in and take over. But I refuse.

            If it was just me and my two year old daughter, I would be able to keep my cool so much better. He is willing to take care of her but always manages to f*** up somehow. He is unable to plan ahead so I end up worrying and fussing and unable to relax (it is happening as we speak, I can tell he still hasn’t been in the kitchen to make her dinner). When I’ve had time alone I always come home to her crying in bed, overtired and/or hungry and the house a total mess. Planning her meals (or even making something remotely edible), doing laundry all wrong and things come out shrunken, discolored, stinking of too much detergent or still covered in stains (we have cloth diapers). When he does dishes he breaks/chips my antique/vintage stuff and leaves the cutlery still stained with food. (And that is just the beginning. When she was a baby he would skip bottle time, and never talked to her – this was something that made me desperate, knowing she’d feel lonely.) He just writes it off as being him being the “easy going one” and me being the control freak.

            In the end we are simply better off if I do it all. She is more relaxed and I am more relaxed. But I am not going to give up my me time. I became pregnant unexpectedly (though not completely unwanted) and at a crucial point in my life. I was happy and on my way up. Now I have a minimal social life, no savings left, no career. I look ten years older instead of two. We live in a 1 room apartment (no joke). But I am studying and he wants me to work (too) because sh*t is expensive. So at least I’ve got that going for me.

            Fight for it. Those numbskull men are just too blind to see. Avoid aggressive communication where you can! It might mean they leave, it can also mean they stay and start doing their share.

            Happy mommy makes for a happier kid too, I am convinced of that. Tell your man that. Don’t underestimate this: kids are eager to please their parents. But show them that it is actually possible. They will love it.

    7. Sad mom

      I feel the same! My DAH every year gets a week off to go on a guys trip– I haven’t gone away in 2 years- he thinks it’s a joke but I need a break- I am going to loose it- I think everyday what my life would be like alone without kids and a husband- I am jealous of my brother- he isn’t married no kids and can do whatever he wants- I feel trapped and I am! I can never get out

      1. Anonymous

        I have children and can hardly wait for all to be out of the house. I regret my life. I thought it would be enjoyable and fulfilling and maybe I would have felt some of that but had to go to work and have been stuck at a dead end and mind numbing job during the week and weekend was more of the same—family responsibilities and endless chores. It has not been a fun or happy life. Always tired, many demands from family, and behind with the cleaning and living in disorganization and chaos. I have been counting the days until I have my freedom. I am looking forward to getting up on Saturday to a clean house and doing what I want to do!!

        1. Maria

          At the beginning of a relationship the thought of being a mom and a wife is fullfiling. Something that I think it will make me complete as a woman. Yes, it is true. But to some point it is not.
          Motherhood, let’s face it. It burns me out most of the time. We, mothers work 24/7. We work, we do all the household choirs, run errands here and there. Raising kids is not easy. It makes it very difficult to be a mom with uncooperative dad who thinks this and that are a mother’s responsibility. Raising kids should be a shared responsibility. A wife who has an understanding husband is so lucky and an envy. For me who has none.. I feel all the burden at the end of the day and I just cry silently. With no family to turn to and friends who thought I am a good example of a happy family..it drives me crazy.
          Being a good wife to a husband who in return doesn’t care about how I feel, who leaves every weekend to relax and who is inactive of a father role. Being a mom of a four month old and an 8 years old. I could hardly cope up with my 8 years old’s attitude. With all the whinnings and everything that I have to do on my own life is difficult. Now I realized I hate my situation right now. I HATE my husband and my 8years old. I’m fine without them at home. With their presence at home I totally feel like a maid. If my husband is not lazy and self-centered, who after my C-section left me for fishing I might say being a mom is rewarding. But I am one of the unlucky woman out there sharing same grief with you guys. I feel so trapped.

        2. Metoo

          I feel exactly the sameway. I tried explaining this to my mother once and she acted as if I said I love Satan. Would have been great if she just said she would help me.

      2. DD

        Living hell every fucking day!!!! And if you tell anyone they think you need pills. I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel and be free.

    8. Joy Rivers

      Oh My goodness, this is my life! I love my baby girl but she has hit the terrible twos so everything is no or a tantrum. I am a teacher so I am around kids then come home to a crying one. I am so exhausted from work that I don’t want to have sex. My husband gets upset. Then on the weekends I want to go out with my friends and have girl time or alone time and He gets upset at that! I feel so trapped.

    9. Bad Mom

      I love my 1 yr old so much. He is funny and crazy and adorable. But I can’t wait until this stage is over and he can start talking and go to school. I work from home. LOL. It’s impossible and beyond stressful! I started smoking again and am miserable if he doesn’t nap because mommy needs a cigarette.
      I am constantly dreading when he wakes up in the morning knowing he is going to fight to nap and be cranky because he didn’t sleep enough. Then my husband gets home and gives me a 15 minute break or 2. I am so jealous that my husband goes to work and communicates with h adults all day and doesn’t have to get up in the middle of the night with a crying baby.
      I am not sure if I hate motherhood or if I am just not good at it….
      – Bad Mom

    10. Marianna

      I feel exactly the same. My husband is like a guest in our house. He wakes up when the kids are at school and he is not back from work when they’re home. He gets to travel a lot while I am stuck home. Once, only once, I had the chance to have a business trip and I almost cheated on him, not because I wanted the other person, only because I was like an animal kept in a cage that suddenly is set free and attacks his owner. Every other day I wish God would take my life away. I feel I am living a life I never wished to live.

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