If you you’re feeling tension with your partner, boss, feeling anxious, confused, or stuck in any pattern that you know you need to change, you will likely get stuck in fear. If you’re not aligned with your partner, or if you’re baby isn’t sleeping, you might fear that you’re doing something wrong, that you’re a bad partner or parent, or no matter what you try, nothing will ever change. Regardless of what you want to change in your family, here are my Top 5 pieces of wisdom to help you get out of wherever you don’t want to be:
- Admit that something’s not working. If you’re struggling, deep down, you know it. Acknowledging that there’s a problem is the first step to making positive changes.
- Be willing and ready to change. You can’t change anything if you don’t want to change, and chances are, you won’t change if you’re not ready. Hopefully you won’t get into a crisis before you start to crawl out, but sometimes that’s what it takes to be willing and ready to change.
- Identify your obstacles. When you want to change a family dynamic, you’ll find many excuses why you can’t. You might tell yourself that it’s not the right time, or that you can’t because of XY and Z. These are your obstacles, and chances are, they are deep fears.
- Get aligned with your partner. If your partner isn’t willing or able to support you to change what you know you need to change, you probably won’t get very far. Sometimes you may need to stand up for what you need, but you won’t know unless you ask if s/he is willing to support you.
- Accept support. If you have family, friends or a loving spouse who’s offered to help you, step aside, and let them help. If you know deep down that you need outside support, give yourself permission to reach out, and ask for it.
Personal Challenge: Take a few minutes to consider what’s not working for you and/or your family, and write it down. From there, envision what you really want. If you had your ideal family life, what does that look like, and how would that feel? Write down your vision, and then ask yourself, what’s standing in your way? Chances are there will be a chorus of fears spinning in your head. That’s totally normal, but it’s a VITAL step to making the changes that you know you need to make.
Hi, I’m Natalie, founder of Mommywise. I’m a Brooklyn mom of two (now) teenagers, PPD survivor, still humbled by the early years of parenting. I started this blog in 2004 as a way to help other parents who felt as dark and lonely as I felt to feel less shame, normalize the feelings of not loving parenthood, and raise awareness about postpartum mood disorders. I’m passionately committed to helping new parents feel more joy, offering sustainable employment for women and mothers, and contributing to positive change in the world.