Breaking the Cycle of Co-Sleeping and Hourly Wakings

Trapped in a Cycle of Co-Sleeping, Nursing, and Exhaustion

When Jennifer first reached out to us, she was exhausted from co-sleeping and nursing her 12-week-old baby all night. It was beginning to take a toll on her mental health. Although her baby nurse got her daughter night-weaned and mostly sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, everything fell apart as soon as she left. Her daughter started waking up every hour and would not settle back in the crib. Although she knew it wasn’t safe to co-sleep, she gave in after midnight after multiple attempts at getting her back in the crib. But even with co-sleeping, Jennifer’s baby woke every 40 minutes wanting to nurse. She knew that her daughter could sleep through the night without overnight feeds, but all she wanted to do was co-sleep and nurse. Her husband couldn’t help because their daughter flat-out refused bottles, and he also had a business to run and needed to sleep.

Jennifer spent her days nursing every 2 hours and trying to get her daughter to nap. Contact or stroller naps were the only way she would sleep more than 40 minutes. If she tried to transfer her daughter to the crib, she would wake up screaming. Jennifer and her husband also had an older child who wanted her attention, but Jennifer was so tired, she just didn’t have the patience or energy to keep up with him. He has his own nanny, and out of desperation, Jennifer started walking her baby in the stroller for all naps, in the middle of a brutal NYC winter.

The Turning Point: Choosing Sleep Training With Mommywise

I could tell from our first conversation that Jennifer really wanted and needed our help, but the cost of our service was an obstacle, especially since she had spent so much money on a night nurse. She was torn between bringing the night nurse back or investing in sleep training with Mommywise. But Jennifer knew that the night nurse was only a temporary solution. 

Ultimately, she decided that the investment in our tailored in-home sleep training services far outweighed the cost of a never-ending night nurse. Still, she was hesitant. She didn’t know if we could really help her get out of the co-sleeping and overnight feed situation. She worried about how her daughter would adjust from so many overnight feeds and co-sleeping to sleeping through the night in her own room, and feeding better during the day. I talked her through her fears and assured her that I was confident we could get her sleeping through the night and eating better during the day within a few days.

Arriving in NYC: Building a Plan That Made Sense

Fast forward to the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, the baby was almost 4 months old. I personally went to stay with Jennifer’s family and helped them make all the changes feel effortless. By the time I left, I felt like part of the family and rejoiced with them in their quick transformation!

Identifying the Real Sleep Problem

When I walked into Jennifer’s home, I knew what needed to change, and I explained to her and her husband how we would accomplish what seemed impossible to them. The main problem in their case was that their daughter had a strong feed-to-sleep association, and we needed to change that before anything else. 

Why Feed-to-Sleep Associations Matter & the “Pillow” Analogy That Changed Everything

Sleep associations are foundational for healthy sleep habits, and I explained that to Jennifer and her husband from their daughter’s perspective. Sleep associations are the conditions we need to fall asleep and fall back asleep at night. For example, we know how to fall asleep in a bed with a pillow, and we know how to roll over and go back to sleep when we wake up. But what if you woke up in the middle of the night and your pillow was gone? How would you be able to fall asleep again without your pillow? I asked Jennifer and her husband to consider that from their daughter’s perspective.

The precedent we set at the beginning of the night is what establishes sleep associations for all humans. Because Jennifer’s baby was used to feeding to sleep at the beginning of the night, she needed the same conditions every time she woke up, every 40-60 minutes. She was looking for her “pillow”.

Why “Drowsy But Awake” Wasn’t Working

Although Jennifer had tried putting her baby down “drowsy but awake”, the transfer was difficult or simply didn’t work, and she’d have to nurse and hold her until she was fully asleep. I explained why drowsy but awake never works, and why tonight, I recommended putting her daughter down when she was tired but fully awake. To do this, I recommended feeding her in the living room with her older brother, where there was noise and activity, so she wouldn’t fall asleep in Jennifer’s arms. And then I recommended that they start the bedtime routine after the feed, and put her down a little bit earlier than usual. 

Night One: Learning to Fall Asleep Independently

After a relaxing bedtime routine, Jennifer put her daughter down in her crib fully awake without a swaddle (it’s not safe to sleep train a baby in a swaddle, plus we want babies’ hands free so they can learn to self-soothe). She cried on and off for just over an hour, but I watched her body language and listened to her voice carefully, reassuring her parents that everything was going well and that I didn’t see the need to intervene. Oftentimes, we’re in and out of the room many times helping younger babies, but Jennifer’s daughter was working really hard at finding her hands, getting into a comfortable position, and her cries weren’t alarming. After she fell asleep, she woke up a few times in the middle of the first night, but she did great at learning how to put herself back to sleep. Because she had been feeding so much at night, we did do a dream feed for the first night, but went straight to night weaning the next night. Jennifer and her husband (and older brother!) were happy to see her in the morning, full of smiles!

The Daytime Changes That Supported Better Sleep

During the day, we worked on getting the baby on a better feeding schedule and nursing only when she was awake. We implemented a Wake, Feed, Play, Sleep routine, with feeds approximately every 4 hours (goal: 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm). Jennifer was pleasantly surprised that after night weaning, her baby wasn’t starving when she woke, and took FULL feeds versus snacking every 2 hours all day. This was a huge relief and took a big load off of Jennifer, who also woke up rested and more able to manage two young kids with a smile!

Sleep Training Isn’t Always Linear

Naps were a work in progress for a couple of weeks because Jennifer’s daughter learned to roll during the time I was with them. Big developmental leaps often happen during or right after sleep training because babies begin to get the restful sleep they need, but it often causes some setbacks with sleep training. Within a few weeks, they were settled into an ideal 3-nap, 4-feed schedule, sleeping through the nights, and feeling so much better!

Here’s a recap of what changed in 3 nights:

• Baby learned to self-soothe by sucking her hands and moving her body
• Parents learned to read their baby’s hunger and sleep cues
• Baby learned how to connect her sleep cycles, night and day
• Parents and baby slept through the night on the 2nd and 3rd nights
• They night-weaned, and Jennifer’s breasts adjusted
• Crib naps lengthened, with a few naps over 2 hours
• We had to wake the baby up at 7am every day!

Ongoing Support After Sleep Training

Over the weeks that followed, Jennifer reached out by text with minor questions, and we had a couple of phone calls, but they were all set once their daughter mastered rolling and found her way to sleeping on her tummy. Jennifer and I are still in touch, and I love hearing updates! 

How Jennifer’s family is now:

• No more contact naps, overnight feeds, or co-sleeping
• The whole family wakes up feeling rested and happy
• Jennifer’s energy to engage with her older child improved
• She and her husband have evenings to themselves
• They’re sleeping in the same room and can go out for dates
• Jennifer has more time to get things done during the day

Key Lessons From Jennifer’s Experience With Mommywise

Independent sleep starts at bedtime.

The way babies fall asleep at the beginning of the night often determines what they need when they wake between sleep cycles.

Feeding and sleeping are different skills.

When babies learn to eat fully during the day and sleep independently at night, both feeding and sleep often improve.

Parents can learn to read their baby’s cues.

Sleep training is not just about helping a baby sleep. It’s about helping parents understand what their baby actually needs.

Sustainable sleep is possible.

Even families dealing with co-sleeping, frequent night wakings, short naps, and bottle refusal can make significant progress with the right plan and support.

Jennifer Lerner’s Google Review

Focus: Overnight Feeds and Co-sleeping to Sleeping all night with naps in 3 days

Ready to Stop Guessing and Start Sleeping?

Most parents who call us have already tried everything: co-sleeping, rocking, contact naps, endless overnight feeds, and advice from every corner of the internet. What they need isn’t another sleep tip. They need a sleep training plan tailored to their baby.

At Mommywise, we help parents learn to read their baby’s cues, build healthy sleep habits, and get everyone the rest they need. Our in-home sleep coaches have helped thousands of families transform sleepless nights into confident parenting and predictable sleep.

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