Am I a Bad Mom?
Before we have kids, I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us have no idea what we’re getting into. As a new couple, maybe you looked at couples with children and thought warm, glowing thoughts. Maybe you named your someday babies as you cuddled with your partner in bed. Maybe you dreamt about becoming a parent, but didn’t truly understand what the reality of it would mean for you, your body, your marriage and your career.
In the media, motherhood looks so beautiful! Expectant mothers glow. They giggle and play with their kids in the park. They go on vacation and they look happy in the photos! And maybe many of them are, but as a mother of two young children, I saw the other side of those pictures, and I worry for all the parents who think they should be happy, when they’re really not. I see a lot of people who are pretending, because it’s not socially acceptable to be an unhappy parent. In fact, our most frequented blog post is called What if You Hate Being a Mom? Because mothers are searching for it, this blog post gets over 4,000 views per day, and the comments just show how miserable motherhood can be.
Reasons You Might Feel Like a Bad Mom
You might feel like a bad parent if you hated being pregnant or breastfeeding, didn’t instantly bond with your baby, or felt like having a newborn was more of a trauma than a joy. I personally missed my former body and sleeping in and having private time and reading novels and having my own identity beyond mom/partner. I wanted to escape my new mom life and travel. I didn’t love new motherhood at all. And guess what? Even though I know I’m not really, it made me feel like a Bad parent. Can you relate?
5 Signs of a Bad Mom
These may seem a little bit silly because if you’re reading this, you’re probably not even close to doing any of these things. But I’m just sharing this for context so you know that you’re not a Bad Parent. Here are 5 signs of a bad parent:
- You leave your family and just never come home.
- You routinely put your needs before your child’s needs.
- You make your child feel responsible for taking care of you.
- You don’t feed or care for your child.
- You allow your child to be abused by a family member.
Do any of these sound like you? OK good, then you’re not a bad parent!
How Can I Become a Better Parent?
You’re already an excellent parent. You may worry that you’re not good enough, but I promise that you are. Your kids adore you just the way you are. So how can you be a BETTER parent? There’s only one thing, and it’s not so hard. The one and only thing you can do to become a better parent is to consistently take exquisite care of yourself. I’m not talking spas and wine, but really taking time for yourself to be with friends, nurture your relationships, read novels, whatever it does that lights you up and role models a strong, happy parent for your kid/s! Because the stronger you are, the stronger and safer your family will feel.
You are NOT a Bad Mom
You may not love motherhood. You may want to run away. I hated parenting babies and toddlers and the constant worry and whining and for years I beat myself up for having these feelings. But in hindsight I know now that my feelings didn’t make me a bad parent, and your feelings don’t make you a bad parent either. For those in the back, you are not a bad mom. You’re a good parent who has feelings and you can be honest with your kids about that because feelings are healthy and normal.
We at Mommywise want to help you feel good and feel confident about your parenting. We want you to take exquisite care of yourself, so you can role model that for your family. If you want help feeling like a great, rested and healthy parent, reach out. We would love to show you a world where you and your family enjoy time together!
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